“You magnificent bastard. I salute you!”
“That would be a great insult to my family and my god…but OK!”
“Tonight I’m going to party like it’s on sale for $19.95!”
“I’ll tell them that you were untouchable!”
“There are 700 million of us.”
“No. No. Do not listen to that man.”
“You are one Mahat-mama!” to Manjula
“Good rice, good curry, good Gandhi, let’s hurry.”
“I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know.”
“At last I have a garment fine enough to be married in.”
Rev Lovejoy: “Once, Apu was a lonely bachelor.”
Apu (holding all 8 of his kids at once): “Thank god that hell is over.”
Reporter To Apu (in the B Sharps): Is it true that you’re a Hindu?
Apu: I swear by the many arms of Vishnu it is a lie.
“All our problems are solved. We have banana bread. Banana Bread! What the hell were you thinking?!”
“No ring I see. Soooo, you are only arranged to be married?”
And my fave:
Customer: “Attendant, I’d like some gas”
Apu: “Yes I am sorry, I do not speak English, okay”
Customer: “But I just heard you…”
Apu: “Yes Yes, hot dog, hot dog, yes sir, no sir, maybe, o-kay!”
“No offense, but, we’re putting that bitch on ice!”
“This is not as hot a party as I had anticipated”
Homer: Hey Apu, give me some of that SkittleBrau, you know, that beer that has skittles in it.
Apu: No such thing exists.
I’m just paraphrasing.
peace,
JB
I think it was:
“Such a product does not exist. I think you must have dreamed it, sir.”
“Okay, then I’ll take a six pack and some skittles.”
“Thank you, steal again…”
“Slavery it is, sir!”
bingo
peace,
JB
jk1245 The “rectum free” line was in the Powersauce episode. Apu said “our new beef jerky is nearly 25 percent rectum free!”
Unless he said the same thing about hot dogs and I missed it 
“Ah, yes. Who needs the infinite compassion of Ganesh when I have Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman staring at me from the cover of Entertainment Weekly with their dead eyes!”
“This is just between you and me, little hat.”
And Ganesh, if you help me I will give you the entire bottle of YooHoo.
Who needs the Kwiki Mart?
I... Dooooooooooooooooooooo“Oh, you have got to be kidding sir. First you think of an idea that has already been done. Then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like. Didn’t you think this through…was on the bestseller list for eighteen months! Every magazine cover had…most popular movies of all time, sir! What were you thinking?! I mean, thank you, come again.”
"I’ve just enrolled in the screenwriting class. I yearn to tell the story of an idealistic young Hindu, pushed too far by convenience store bandits. I call it “Hands Off My Jerky, Turkey”.
Hello. I am not interested in buying your house, but I would like to use your rest room, flip through your magazines, rearrange your carefully shelved items and handle your food products in an unsanitary manner. Ha! Now you know how it feels!
“Back then I was known as the fifth Beatle.”
“Each of these bullet wounds is a badge of honor.”
Oh and…
"Citizenship Examiner: All right, here’s your last question. What was the cause of the Civil War?
Apu: Actually, there were numerous causes. Aside from the obvious schism between the abolitionists and the anti-abolitionists, there were economic factors, both domestic and inter…
Citizenship Examiner: Wait, wait… just say slavery.
Apu: Slavery it is, sir."
Hey! He lied to us in song!
Please do not offer my God a peanut !