Has it occurred to you that there are people who would have no problem,[ with sweeping assumptions, broad judgments and condemnation], point out that, often, one of the traits that abuse sufferers share is an absent/ overbearing/ emotionally distant/ controlling father figure? And, with malice, would want to know how it is you take no responsibility for raising a child with no self esteem to draw on, making her vulnerable to this particular dysfunction. Has it occurred to you that while you are looking for her to take some ownership in her circumstance, you are actively avoiding doing so yourself. Perhaps you need to lead by example, they might say.
Now, I’m not saying that any of that is so,[ how the hell could I know?] I’m sure it’s extremely complicated. But there are many prisms you can look at any situation through. Being judgmental and contemptuous cannot possibly be helpful, you must sense that at some level, is my point, sympathy burnout notwithstanding.