Are sites like Adultfriendfinder legit?

A guy I know signed up for that site (No, really. No sarcasm here. It was not me as I would have serious doubts about a girl that advertised that she wanted random sex.), and this looks too good to be true. What is the catch? The site lists many thousands of supposedly hot, young, and extremely horney young women who are just dying too hook up with some random guy. This sounds an awful lot like something Perfect Master has mentioned before. So where is the catch here? And why would hot, young, and extremely horney young women need to advertise?

A friend of mine gets lucky on that very site all the time. Of course lots of the posts on there are phony, but according to my friend, the trick is meeting girls in the chat rooms. He goes into the chat room for our area and meets tons of women. They meet at bars once in awhile and have what they call “AFF parties.” I went to one with him, and believe me, some of the chicks are pretty damn hot! They all call each other by their AFF names.

They’re not free, though. You can register for free, but doing anything other than browsing a limited number of profiles/ads costs money. Also, if you get an email message saying so-and-so has left you a message on the site, it costs you money to retrieve it. (That is, you have to upgrade to their Gold status or something.)

Actually, viewing the messages does not cost you money. I know from firsthand experience. However, you are limited to one reply a day to any messages you may get through AFF if you are a basic member who hasn’t paid. Also, as a basic member, you cannot initiate contact with anyone you may see. You have to wait until a paying member checks out your profile and sends you a message. When I first became a basic member, you could see up to 3 profiles a day. Then it changed to only one profile a day, now, in order to view any profiles you have to be a paying member. My wife and I have met real people on this site, however, I would venture that the vast majority of ads for women are actually attempts to get you to visit porn sites.

horney? Honey? Hornet? Ornery? Orkney? homey?

More than a few years ago, the hubby and I were using a different adult site when in the chat room I wound up talking to the guy who started AFF. He was looking for people to go to his site, so I did and even put up an ad.

I inquired on a few ads and got a response now and then. I received a few inquiries, maybe two per month. Nothing beyond an email or two. Then the gold and silver memberships started and suddenly I was barraged with interested people each week. If I would just fork over $30 a month, I could be directly emailing dozens of people! Hmmmmmmm.

Now, I can see a message, but I can’t see who it is from except a thumbnail pic. I’m sure it works well if you are a gold member, but as a standard member for many years, I’ve never met anybody through AFF, and only a couple of times ever traded more than one message. The other sites which we used such as and yahoo personals were much more real, and actually productive. Now, even yahoo has recently become a pay site. But we’ve met people through yahoo who were also on AFF at the same time that sent us messages that we never received.

I have friends who use other sites as well as being a standard member of AFF, and their story is similar to mine. Some have met people, but most haven’t. A friend who is a gold member has good things to say about it. Apparently it is a terrific site if you pay them the arm and a leg. I’m tempted to upgrade my ad to gold for a month just to see what happens, but I doubt I will. I can’t speak for the singles scene, but in my experience, and people I know, even when AFF was free, other sites were and still are far better. For every response you get in AFF, you get 10 someplace else who will give you a phone number or want to meet for lunch, not just want to trade pics or crap like erotic emails.


This may be true only for a limited time. I’ve been a registered member for a long time, although I never upgraded to anything for which I’d have to pay. I still occasionally get a “cupid” email, but whenever I click to look at the profiles of those listed in the email, I get a notice exhorting me to upgrade.

I get the impression it’s like, only with a less dating oriented, and more sex oriented slant.

Hey X-ray, what’s the story on your buddy and these chicks? Is he some kind of handsome guy, and are these chicks actually attractive?

After a quick look on AFF, it sure looks like the women in my area are either older(late 30’s through 50’s) and/or ugly as sin.

My experience is not from the cupid emails. That is just an email telling you who has registered recently who is compatible with what you put in your profile. It is not a direct message from any member. You cannot look at those profiles without paying. However, when someone who is a paying member looks at your profile and sends you a message through AFF, it shows up in whatever email account you used to register with and says that you have a “new message from ‘username’” It’s not a cupid report. It’s an actual message from a member. You can go on your basic AFF member homepage after logging in and see that message in your mailbox from that member. If they attach any pictures, you can view the pictures, if they attach their profile (a handy practice) you can view their profile. And if you are a basic member, you can reply to them, but only once every 24 hours. Understand?

Recently I’ve been getting a bunch of e-mails (some at work, to my rage) containing very-identical-sounding pitches on behalf of variously-named sites ( and are two of the non-vulgar domains that come to mind).

The pitch is something like this:

“Hi, we’re _______, the only website started by women, for hot women who just want immediate, no-questions, no commitment sex. Some of us are college girls, some are engaged but looking for one last ‘experience’ before we settle down for ever, some are lonely married women looking for someone on the side who can do the job their husbands aren’t doing. Our ladies aren’t looking for marriage, aren’t looking for commitment – they’re just looking for sex NOW, and they don’t care who with – young, old, attractive, average; it’s all the same to our wanton women! These are REAL women, and because we have lots of lovely sex-starved women, but a shortage of men, NOW is the time for you to join! So don’t delay – sign up now, and you could be having sex TONIGHT!”

Sometimes these e-mails have a couple of snapshot “profiles” of members, or messages from them --“Julie; 5’3, 120 lbs., 34C; Wants: ‘A no-strings “on the side” arrangement (my husband is on the road all the time, and when he’s home, barely looks at me any more; so I don’t think it’s wrong for me to have some anonymous sex with a guy, or a lot of guys. I’m just really looking for some good, raunchy . . .’”). Etc.

These things really bug me, not just because they (esp. the ones with nekkidness) are not what I want to be getting at work, but because they’re so insulting to the intelligence. Obviously, though, they wouldn’t do it if some people didn’t respond favorably, out of naivete or desperation. I can’t imagine what their websites contain; unless they’re just stealing your money, they have to put something up, but there obviously are approximately no single, attractive young women who would need to do this to hook up with a guy; and certainly, the stuff about no strings, no commitment, DO IT NOW, has a lot more in common with male wish fulfillment than anything any single woman I’ve ever met has said.

I’ve known a couple of people in the “polyamorous” world (they consider themselves different from “swingers,” though I’m not sure what the distinction is; these particular folks came to it through wacky (sorry to any participants) Wiccan/SCA circles). I know that this does exist, and a certain amount of hooking up (online or otherwise) does occur among all sexual combinations; but my impression is that most of it is couples-based, and most, as far as I’ve been told, involves a lot more groundwork and compatibility-testing and get-to-know-you than the “I want it TONIGHT, no questions asked” stuff in the spam.

From what’s been said here about Adult Friend Finder, sounds like it may be somewhere on the continuum between the “legit” dating services (which of course wouldn’t emphasize sex but rather flirting, I’d imagine, judging from Jewish friends who’ve used the Jewish singles sites) and the spam I’m getting – i.e., A.F.F. could actually be a marketplace for real people of, um, sexually adventurous bent.

If anyone ever joined one of the “” sites and can confirm its utter bogosity (I’m too cheap to join just to bust their chops), I’d be curious – also curious if you sought redress for the rip-off.

I don’t know if you meant it, but your post sounded very condescending.

I’ve received those emails as well, and I’ve never been able to look at any mails in my mailbox.

SO and I are silver members of AFF and haven’t ever had a problem. Met some fun folks as well.

No, I did not mean to sound condescending, I was merely attempting to be clear on how you don’t have to be a paying member in order to get messages through the service. I don’t know why you haven’t been able to look at any of those emails though. I have never had a problem with that. And I have had different accounts (paid, non-paid) and in all of them I have been able to look at the emails from other members.

As far as AFF being legit, I think that it attempts to be legit, but because anyone with a free email account can get a free ad, a lot of unscrupulous entities take advantage of that. I cancelled my paid membership when I had trouble finding legitimate ads under the female listings. I still have an unpaid membership account that I use to occasionally go check out listings.

The only message I have for me on their site is from the site itself, so I’m not sure. I can’t do anything else, though, like browse ads. I can click on the state I want and get a listing, but clicking on any ad gives me that “upgrade” junk.

From my experience, as a basic (non-paying) member of AFF, I can browse to get a list of profiles, but then not view the individual profiles. I can read messages sent to me by paying members, read messages sent to be by the AFF company. I can view the new members if I click on the link on the homepage, but not see their profiles once the somewhat larger pictures come up.

However, when I first joined as a non-paying member about 3 years ago or so, it was not like this. There was a progression. When I first joined, I could actually view about 5 profiles before it said I had to wait 24 hours or pay in order to view more. It did not take me long to figure out that if I wanted to view more profiles, all I had to do was create another account. So, I did. I could check out 10 profiles because I had two accounts. (I had to logout out of one and login as another in order to view more). Then I found that eventually, you could only view 3 profiles before it told you to pay or wait 24 hours. Then it switched to 1 profile before being told to pay or wait. I suppose they figured out that people were basically doing what I was doing and seeing as many profiles as they wanted without paying. And now,you can’t view any profiles without paying. I actually figured out a way to send emails without going through the website also. At first, everyone’s account was something like “” so, you didn’t have to click a link to send a member a message, you could just see what their username and bypass the whole site and use your own email. But they’ve changed that as well.

As I stated though, my wife and I did meet people (men) through this site. It has been much harder to meet women though because you have to sort through the fake ads that are just trying to entice you to some porno site. I have actually run across a picture for a profile that I saw at a porno site but was supposedly the person running the ad.

One thing that does annoy me to no end however from legit ads from women are the ones that state that they are looking for a commitment and not necessarily sex. Then why are you advertising on a website that advertises itself as “Adult Friend Finder, the world’s largest SEX personals”???I don’t mind them looking for commitment, but to state that you are not looking for sex on this type of site is kind of goofy.

I remember it being the way you described, that even at the lowest, nonpaying status you could still view 3-4 profiles. Don’t think that’s the case now, though.