Marilyn Monroe died a spinster all alone on a Saturday night. She went through lots of loneliness. Loneliness doesn’t come from being ugly or being a jerk. Anyone can suddenly feel lonely at any time just like people with running water still get thirsty. Besides if you’re beautiful the only thing that guarantees is a steady stream of people who will love your looks and if you aren’t just looking for someone who finds you beautiful it can still be hard. Being admired is not the same as being loved and understood.
I hope that good-looking people can be lonely, because I don’t want to deal with being ugly on top of everything.
Indeed. I have a friend who’s quite hot, blonde (natural even!), smart, funny, kind of nerdy, and completely, utterly single.
As in, my hairy, fat ass has had more dates in the 7 years I’ve known her than she has, by about a factor of two.
I think it’s because she’s hot enough to be a little intimidating, and successful enough (communications director for a major company - one you’d know for sure) that the vast majority of guys are very, very intimidated.
Add her moderate pickiness to that, and you have the recipe for a really good looking, fun, smart, cool girl who’s chronically single, and hates it.
I’m young, pretty intelligent, and reasonably good-looking. I’m not asocial, and as far as I know there’s nothing so wretched about my personality that I completely repel people. However, I’ve never really had a boyfriend, and I don’t get asked on dates. There are a lot of reasons people are lonely (or at least, don’t have active romantic lives), not all of which fall into categories like “tragically plain” or “UV-deprived recluse”.
Dude, I don’t know any other way of saying this, but Paris Hilton is not good looking. She’s barely even passable. And that’s after enough plastic surgery to finance the average Irish-Catholic family through post-graduate education at Harvard. (Ah, the Irish…the last ethnic group you can openly deride without being sent to the sensitivity gulag.)
In my experience, not only are there lonely good-looking people (I still can figure out what’s with alice and the Canadian blokes who won’t step up to the plate…I mean, she’d crush me like a roach, but I’m sure there has to be someone in Calgary who’ll meet her minimum standards) but there are many, many damned ugly people who manage to meet, greet, date, fuck, and procreate. Some of them are, admittedly, musicians (Billy Joel, Mick Jagger, Lyle Lovett) and therefore have an additional appeal beyond appearance, but plenty of ordinary folk who’ll never make the People Magazine 100 Most Beautiful People List by several orders of magnitude who have a normal life full of a variety of relationships. I’m not one of them, mind you, but I have observed that physical beauty at best gets you just so far, and then leaves you becalmed to the propulsive abilities of personality and…well, whatever it is that makes people click. And even a complete lack thereof is not an absolute showstopper.
If I’m ever in Texas, you’ll introduce me to her, right?
I don’t get this. Just because you may not like her as a person how can you possibly say she is not good looking, barely passable?? So if you met her on the street and didn’t know who she was, she wasn’t famous you would think "omg jesus what a dog cover that face, she makes me want to puke? I mean if she s barely passable then pretty much nobody is passable.
Well, I think she’s kind of an aquired taste - she’s very, very thin and bird like which a lot of people find off putting. I think she’s pretty, but looks sort of like an alien.
I’d certainly think there are lonely good looking people. Some people can’t wrap their heads around the fact that you can be lonely even surrounded by people. So no, not implausible.
I don’t know but she’s hardly the only one. I haven’t had a date in awhile myself (though I don’t get out much so that contributes a lot to that). Maybe we’ll start having better luck Alice? I heard on the radio today that there are about 10,000 more men than women in the city right now…
From my observation - gorgeous women get near constant male attention. A lot of it is undesired attention, a lot is flat out creepy attention - much like:
but it’s there.
If the premise is that a Mandy Moore type never meets anyone, then it is Santa Claus territory. It’s even well on its way to the land of makebelieve if she never meets anyone who is good-on-paper (Great guy, but no chemistry with her, differing interests, differing goals, type of thing). My friends who are beautiful find those guys with no problem, too - or they find my friends.
But the right guy? Of course, that can and does happen.
There seems to be some confusion here as to the difference between being “lonely” and “alone”. Good-looking or not, not all people feel lonely when they’re alone.
I agree that you can be single and not be lonely one bit. It is a sad person that equates lonliness with being single. There are friends and family and co-workers and all that other jazz. Before I met the woman of my dreams, I was single for long periods of time, and for the most part not at all lonely. I had hobbies and friends and family.
That said, I think many beautiful people (and it also includes some of the smarter ones too), are needlessly picky and shallow. They have high expectations that are probably picked up from movies and TV, and when a guy turns out to be human, they focus on the flaws and dismiss what could be a great relationship because the guy’s ears are too big, or he makes 5k less than she does, or any number of reasons.
To me, dating these types are a nightmare because you don’t feel you can be yourself, and you have to live up to being some superman with a super quick wit, great jokes, no weaknesses, super good looking, tall, muscular, and rich.
Not saying all beautiful people are like this, but the majority of those that are single for long periods of time, typically are single for a reason. Usually those are exceptionally high expectations, or some other personality flaw that makes them undesireable.
Obviously there are going to be exceptions, and what some may consider a flaw, some may find to be the thing that attracts them the most.
Also, many guys I know aren’t typically intimidated by women, and some of my friends have such a high self-image, they think they are some adonis that all women want. I dont’ see them being intimidated by a beautiful woman that is strong and makes a lot of money. Hell, even myself. My current girlfriend is much smarter than me, is my equal in almost every way, and surpases me in many ways. She is independent, intelligent, she will be making a bit more money than me initially, she is even taller than me when she wears high heels. None of this bothers me in the slightest, but according to my , I should be intimidated.
People who are socially awkward and/or isolated often assume that people who are more physically attractive must not suffer from any of the same weaknesses and self doubts as everyone else. I would guess that is because they have little actual social contact with those people and thus form opinions based on scenarios they create in their mind.
A good looking person might attract dates more easliy, however they might also attract a greater number of jerks/bitches or drama-queens/kings.
Also, the smarter, more career-minded and better looking you are, the harder it is to find someone who challenges you intellectually and is otherwise compatible with you. I’m a good looking 30-something Manhattan management consultant with an MBA. I wouldn’t imagine getting serious with a girl from the Bronx with just a high school diploma working as a waitress, no matter how good looking she was. Odds are she probably wouldn’t even be able to relate to me as anything other than some “rich business guy” who takes her out to nice restaurants.
And finally, single in New York is a little different than single in most other places. There are plenty of good looking successful people who look great on paper. That’s the problem. A lot of people in New York suffer from BBD (Bigger Better Deal) syndrome. They tend not to settle down because they can’t find Mr/Mrs “Right” because they are constantly exposed to people who might be just a bit more perfect for them.
I’m an example.
In college, I was very pretty, even beautiful: blond, tall, slender, hourglass figure and a beautiful face. I also was a goodhearted and sweet person, and a terrific cook.
The catch was that I had very little social skills, and that I was a bit weird. Dunno if that falls under “neurotic” as defined in the OP. I was not neurotic as in “Entitled Princess” or “Ms. Jekyll and Ms.Hyde”. But I would, for instance, try and make conversation with people sitting next on me in the bus by telling them what I had dreamt that night. :o Innocent, but inappropriate.
So yes, I was lonely, even though I did do volunteer work and go on nature-camps. There I had plenty of attention from my fellow male nature geeks, but I just didn’t understand their -admittedly- awkward flirting. If my mom hadn’t put an ad for me in the papers without my consent (she loved to meddle in the lives of those around her like that) I would never have met my SO.
I dreamt that my (dead) father came to visit me. What did you dream?
Darn Khadaji! Where were you 20 years ago?
But anyway, to the OP; I really think that social skills are the determining factor for loneliness. Beauty is important for initial attraction; character is important in the long run; but social skills make human contact possible beyond just “hi” and “bye”.
Better note to self: Remember to pay storage bill.
Social skills or pickiness.
Of course, being picky means less chance to develop the skills.
And yes, ladies, I am available.
This is the crux of the matter. And it’s particularly difficult for men because they are not so judged by their looks as women.
She sounds intriguing, especially the ‘kind of nerdy’ part… but if she is as you describe, I would probably have been intimidated and would never have approached her.
Which, I guess, proves your point. Except that things wouldn’t have gotten that far. I simply don’t move in the same upper-corporate circles as people like her.
I think that the selection of one’s usual social circles has a lot to do with this.
I am under the impression that stereotypically good-looking people tend to migrate to certain professions and jobs. As an example, marketing seems to be full of them. Even those marketing people who don’t deal with clients or the public tend to be pretty good looking, at least where I work. Meanwhile, other people migrate to other jobs. Am I wrong in this belief?