Is it ever bad to be pretty?

Yes, I have been called ugly before, but a lot more people have said i was pretty so it more than cancels it out.

I have a friend though, an Evil Twin who is beautiful. Absolutley goregous.
I feel very plain by comparison when i’m with her most of the time.

But being beautiful has never made her happy. It has just made her very popular with the men. People whistle at her, cars slow down and EVERYONE falls in love with her, although I think that 50% of the time they fall think they are in love because she is so beautiful.

It’s a weird problem. she complains of it at times, how many hit on her when we go dancing, how all these men just WON’T leave her alone, etc., etc.
I told her if it’s such a problem, she should just gain 20 pounds or something and then they would leave her alone.

It has also gotten her into trouble at times, trouble with other people’s boyfriends.

I am not as beautiful as she is, so I have a hard time having sympathy for her unique problem.

So i ask all you beautiful people out there-

Can it sometimes be very difficult to be so beautiful all the time?
Have you ever wished that you were less attractive?

I am not being sarcastic, by the way. I am trying to find empathy for a friend’s plight that I can’t find by myself.

In the business world, there exists the fallacy that if a woman is pretty, she is not smart. I disagree with this statement when it’s made, because my wife is beautiful and smart and is in the business world most every day. But even she is feeling the effects of this belief. Men will respond favorably to her, but they don’t take her ideas seriously.

Your friend’s beauty and the inherent problems are a good example of the difference between men and women.

Men are visual, women emotional.

Generally, men are attracted based on what a woman looks like, then they learn to like and ultimately love that person.

Women, in general, are atracted to a man based on his personality, then they learn to like his appearance and ultimately love him.

Unfortunately, the way the deck is stacked, it is usually the jerks that get the attention of a beautiful woman before the decent guys. The jerk’s uninhibited nature means that he gets the woman’s attention first. And unfortunately beautiful people are all too often insecure so they pay attention to the jerk instead of waiting for someone more practical and/or compatible.
Not exactly an answer to your question, but women, especially attractive ones, should shop around and find the RIGHT guy.

Also, it’s possible that consciously or unconsciously, she realizes that there are problems that good looks won’t solve.

I go to school with a lot of barbie lookalikes. I say that’s a situation when it’s bad to be “pretty.” They all look fake and stupid, and if I were a guy, it’d turn me off.

When I was younger I was a trophy date. Not drop dead beautiful, but the little blonde that men wanted on their arm so their friends would all look. I knew that it was my looks that were doing it, but I really believed that it was my brains and wit that KEPT them. Then I aged and got fat and ceased to exist. The same personality and brains get me NO WHERE. It is definetly hard to have to live with the fact that to the vast majority of the world you are only an accessory.

This is one reason they don’t often end up with stellar boyfriends.

standard disclaimer: beauty/prettiness is a relative/subjective concept.

I guess I’m lucky in that my idea/concepts of beauty/prettiness conflict pretty heavily/obviously with those of mainstream society.

I think this half-true myth sprang up because a lot of beautiful women do use their looks to get by. I’ve met such women. However, I don’t think they’re a majority-they just give other women a bad name.

I had a male friend in a similar situation to Turpentine’s evil twin. He had the body of Bruce Lee (ripped, with dark, evenly tanned skin) a nice smile, was a great dancer, and very friendly. Women practically fought to spread their legs for him. Unfortuately for them, he was a very devout Christian, and wanted a real relationship. He’s still looking for more than sex, as far as I know.

I know by now that I would rather look the way I do and have the personality I have than be gorgeous and dumb. Maybe I wouldn’t even want to be gorgeous and smart. When you look only average, you know people aren’t dating you just for your looks.

dragonlady, that was so sad. :frowning: Look at it this way: now you know who really cares about you for you, and not how you look. I know a couple of young women who think they’re really hot stuff, but I think they’re in for a rude awakening when they get older. They’re not putting much effort into being well-rounded people, and it will come back to haunt them when the looks are gone. Sorry it had to happen to you. Try not to hate all us guys for the superficiality of the few.

Maybe it’s the name Turpentine that’s holding you back.
Try switching it to Musk and see if they come running.

Lizard, I have been blessed by more love than I probably deserve in my life. If I stay single for the rest of it, I will be way ahead of the game, and ahead of most. I have loved and been loved enough for a lifetime. I understand how rare that is, and I am grateful.

Well, there is the philosophy that truly knockout gorgeous (not sure if this is synonymous with beautiful in my book) women tend to be lonely because their looks intimidate most guys with egos smaller than the SkyDome. Which is fine for the shallow ones, but perhaps not your friend.

Once when I was much younger, I met the the most beautiful women I’ve ever met in my life. She could have rivaled any supermodel I’ve ever seen, had a great personality, a great sense of humour, and was as down to earth as anyone I’ve ever met. When she showed some signs of interest in me, I got scared so shitless, I barely ever spoke with her again. If only I could go back…

I’d like to believe that I wouldn’t make the same mistake again, but beautiful people intimidate me. I’m sure I’m not alone.

I agree with this whole-heartedly. I happen to be attractive and smart. I am also only 5 feet tall and look much younger than I am (I’m 27 and I still get ID’d for alcohol AND rated R movies). Because of these things, I have ALWAYS had to over-prove myself so people would take me seriously. You would not believe the number of times I have been “patted”, often on the top of my head.

Yes, I do get hit on a lot. It was fun at first, but I’m married now and when I go out, I want to talk to my friends, not every schmoe who thinks he can make it with me 'cause I look sweet. I will freely admit that sometimes it’s nice to have people look at you or give you their seat or whatever. It does feel good. But there are lots of times when I questioned if anybody cared at all what was behind the pretty face. I think my looks are the least impressive thing about me.

Anyway, Turp, this is one of those grass-is-greener type of things. I think you should understand that while you don’t think things are so bad for your friend, you also haven’t walked in her shoes. It may not seem like anything to complain about from your viewpoint, but please don’t discount what she says. It’s not always a bowl of cherries. Sometimes it comes with a lot of doubt and insecurity.

I’ll have to answer this with second-hand information, because I have never, even by a drunk horny nearsighted guy at 3 am, been called pretty.

But I have a friend who is quite pretty. And she suffers for it. She has taken to wear reading glasses so she looks more professional. As someone else said, too many people think beauty and brains do not come in combination. She’s had her accomplishments diminished. She’s very well-spoken and was asked to speak on a panel and meet the President of the U.S. on grad school issues. I heard my advisor say it was “just because of her looks.” It wasn’t. She’s plenty smart, and was very well-qualified. I also heard some executive had said he found it hard to serve on a committee with her because he got distracted looking at her during meetings. I never passed that tidbit on to her.

Anyway, it’s a burden I’m mostly glad not to have. Especially now that I’m in a place in my life where looks matter so much less than they once did.

Does she put her hair up and wear severe suits? I always loved that whole, “Why, Miss Witherbottom, you’re BEAUTIFUL!” schtick.

Yes, being strikingly handsome was a professional limitation before I got my fat suit. I also had my legs shortened because tall, handsome men rarely do well in business. :rolleyes

Where I have worked pretty women did better. Sure, there were plenty of theories of how they got their promotions, but I’m sure the ladies cried all the way to the bank.

First I reply to the ugly thread, now to balance, off to the pretty one.

YES! When I was in the military it was a freaking nightmare. Guys not only stole my underwear out of the dryer but also scaled the outside wall to break into my room. I had never really considered myself anything special until all of this weird stuff happened (around 19 yrs old). It was tough, my friend called introducing guys she was interested in “the Poysyn test” and if they were still interested in her after they were potential. It’s no fun, when I was still at that “ugly awkward” stage at least I could tell when a guy friend was genuinely interested in me, after I reached 19, it was anyone’s guess.

LOL

Oh, you’re just hanging out with the wrong drunk horny nearsighted guys at 3 am :slight_smile:

I personally always pass up the eye-candy types when I am trying to land a date. I have been so disillusioned after they start talking (the ones I met anyway, which are admittedly a limited few). I tend to look for the most intelligent and interesting face. One other thing I also look for is women who don’t look like they spent 4 hours getting ready to go out. Someone spending that much time on themselves to look good before going out is too preoccupied with their looks for me.

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I would like to say that “beauty” is a very slippery concept. There are all kinds of “beauty.” I’ve never been all that attracted by the “Barbie Doll” type of beauty. In my experience, that’s usually just a moderately pretty woman who devotes a lot of attention to living according to the dictates of fashion magazines. She’s fun to have on my arm in public, but I’m not at all intrigued by her and I have a hard time taking her seriously.

And there are other types of standard beauty too–the bitchy “ice queen” look, the let-it-all-hang out “party girl” look, and so on. If the woman plays the part well enough, it almost ceases to matter to anyone whether she is actually pretty or plain or even ugly underneath the look. It’s almost more of a role than a type of beauty. Those looks can be attractive to me.

But then there’s the type of hidden beauty that suddenly shows up in the face of a plain woman and surprises the hell out of you. Like the pudgy, gawky woman who suddenly appears intense and powerful when she’s pensive. Or the mousy plain woman who suddenly stuns you with an animated, beautiful smile. Or the drab middle-aged woman who is suddenly made beautiful by a happy, lustful look in the bedroom. This kind of hidden beauty is the type of beauty that really enthralls me. It is an individual type of beauty that is theirs alone and no one else’s, and I can study the faces of those women forever, looking for the source of that beauty in the lines of their faces. And when I find that source, then I begin to see beauty in all their expressions. And usually such woman don’t know they have this type of beauty in their faces.

Finally, there’s the beauty of their character. Character matters. In fact it matters way more than looks. If you’re going to put up with someone at close quarters for years on end in an LTR, then they have to have a good character. And if they have a beautiful character, that’s even more attractive.

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Oh yes, it’s so true. No one should have to go through what I go through. The pain! The pain! :frowning:

I personally think that overall you’re better off being good-looking, but not too good-looking. In the top 20% of the attractiveness scale is good.

It be far a-more easy to make oneself ugly if one is pretty than to make oneself pretty if one is ugly. Anyone who says they are too pretty is full of crap.