Why do attractive women complain that other women dislike them? Drama or reality?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Most of the attractive females I see seem (overtly at least) to have plenty of female friends, and yet when you’re one on one with them (as a male) they often complain how other women are always gossiping about them or otherwise direspecting them in various and sundry ways, and these are grown women making these complaints, not teenaged girls.

I will admit when some of these attractive or shapley women get slighty (or not so slightly) drunk they can become slightly obnoxious and brag about being persecuted because they were prettier than the other girls or because their breasts were bigger, or etc., and I can see how other women might dislike this “I’m the Mary and you’re the Rhoda” vibe" that women like this might give off naturally, but you would think we’d be past such things by the time we’re adults. Is this just drama queenish paranoia or a lifelong reality for attractive women? Do pretty girls really have it tough in female-female realtionships?

2

Drama…and reality.

I’ll get flamed for this but it’s women we’re talking about.

The dynamics between women of different statures (be it beauty, fiscal, personality, hair color, etc) is akin to an ancient emperor of Rome. The ‘pretty one’ is queen and here noblewomen both fawn over here and want to pull her down at the same time. Just like the Caesar’s of ancient Rome this bred a paranoia that often outstripped the reality.

It’s cloak-and-dagger stuff to melt the mind of any male. Be afraid…be very afraid!

3

Well, I’m not overly attractive, so I haven’t noticed this personally. On the other hand, I’ve never hated someone because they’re attractive either.

I’ve noticed a certain kind of person often does hate, bitch about and backstab others who are better than them, (in their minds) but I haven’t noticed it restricted to attractiveness. Braininess, luck, life situations, financial circumstances, all can bring the claws out.

4

As a quixotic bit of generalization-control, I’ve always found that the most attractive women aren’t involved in gossip games, either engaging or following along with. That’s a bit of ground-shifting on the usual definition of “attractive,” though.

But mostly I vote for “drama.” It’s often also a (dysfunctional, IMO) way of fishing for compliments from the unlucky person she’s one-on-one with. The idea is to gain both comfort-attention (“It must be rough, that must be hard for you,”) and affirmation ("…being sooo beautiful…").

5

I’ve gotten hit on by my fair share of men, so I’d say I’m at least “attractive” enough to answer the question. :smiley:

The only time I’ve ever noticed a woman getting uncomfortable/bitchy around me is when I’m talking to her date/boyfriend/husband…I bartend for a living, so it’s my job to talk to people, but a lot of women assume that I’m after Their Man. Even if he’s twenty/thirty years my senior. Perhaps especially, b/c I’m younger than she is and I’ve talked to people for so long now in this job that I have a very friendly, casual “jive” that can, I suppose, be misinterpreted if you’re paranoid.

And it’s got nothing to do with how much I try to butter her up, either…some women are just very insecure, and no matter how hard I try to make them feel comfortable, they just don’t like it.

Beyond that, no. I’ve got several very attractive friends, too, and we’re all on an equal footing with each other and we don’t play that “I’m the pretty princess/you’re the ugly stepsister” routine. Please. We’re all gonna get old and saggy one day and we’ll need old and saggy friends to keep us laughing about it.

I think the only real problem facing an attractive/pretty woman is not being taken seriously; people assume you don’t know much, and that you skate by on your youth and beauty. If I go into a camera/computer/whatever shop, I usually get the “And how can I help the pretty stupid little woman” salesman who thinks I’m a sitting duck. Even when it’s obvious I know more than he does.

But this isn’t an earth-shattering problem and it would be stupid to take it seriously and bitch about it all the time…women who do that are just looking for sympathy and, as Drastic mentioned, more compliments. Any woman walking around going, “God, it just sucks to be this beautiful! Life is so hard!” is the kind of woman who, consciously or not, makes it clear to everyone that she really thinks she’s hot stuff.

And nobody likes that, so yes, the response may be catty, but she usually starts it with her “look at me I’m beautiful” attitude.

6

I’m going to second drama and reality. There are people who feel threatened by and/or jealous of attractive women. Period. As many as they’d like to pretend? Mmm, I don’t think so. A few women act snippy toward them and they all of a sudden think every gal on Earth hates 'em because they’re beautiful. I’d say pretty women have a harder time with men than they do other females.

7

disagree
the type of woman that behaves like this (complains abt women bitching abt her, especially complaining to men which is only designed to generate sympathy from those men, anyway), banks on her looks. And it’s that behaviour, the “I don’t need to have manners/be civilized/be nice, as i’m pretty and i’ll be forgiven all.” that gets up other women’s nose.
The reason: They give women a bad name, frankly. They act like airheads, like dumb blondes, that are only interestd in flirting, looks and money.

In my opinion, it has nothing to do with jalousy. It’s hard to be jalous of a shallow person. Which those women usually are.

I’m pretty goodlookin’ (so I’ve been told, anyway), and I have no problems whatsoever with other women.
I like the no-nonsense behaviour of my male friends, and I can get sick of talking about men, and shopping, and having ones hair done, and weddings, and children…
But overall, I like my female friends as much as I like my male friends.

8

I have a feeling that the ones who claim everyone is gossiping and bitching behind their backs are more likely than not to be the ones who gossip and bitch about everyone else.

Kind of the “liars don’t trust anyone” effect.

9

I can’t quite seem to picture what y’all mean. I’ll just have to start hanging out with more hot women.

Any takers?

:smiley:

10

All throughout high school and, to a degree, my first year of college, I was this talked about girl. Girls would stop talking and stare at me as I walked in the room, then whisper about me, say horrible things regarding my looks/weight/reputation, and generally just treated me horribly. Let me interject here that I was good-looking enough that it seemed odd that so many were saying otherwise, I weighed only 100 lbs (but short and small-framed), and I was probably the most virginal girl in the school. Not to mention that I had no previous beef with any of these girls.

The only people I seemed to get along with were girls who were nice to everyone and the ultra-popular aloof kind of girls (as they were subject to the same drama from other girls as I was). Girls have snickered and laughed about me to their friends when I’m out at the mall or the movies, girls I don’t know berate me to my face about my (commonplace tank top and jeans) clothing choices, and I can’t count how many times a girl has claimed to “hate me” when she’s only been briefly introduced to me. The kicker, though, was when my main tormentor (a girl viewed as annoying with a bad reputation in my grade) and I were at a party on a boat, and she decided to show her utter disdain for me by attempting to throw me overboard. I had never spoken to this girl before in my life.

I made a promise to never talk badly about another girl based on hearsay or on her appearance, in hopes that she wouldn’t have to feel singled out the way I did. Maybe it just seemed particularly traumatizing because of my young age, but it still hurt. I still only have about 3 female friends and 30 guy friends. I like girls and I really want to have more female friends, but those who don’t think badly of me are few and far to come by. I try not to complain about the way I was treated, but if someone asks, I’ll tell them and I can only hope they won’t see it as complaining or bitching.

11

BTW, my other friends have experienced similar things happening to them and they’re all gorgeous and friendly to other women. So, I don’t know.

12

In my experience, the only class of people who have less taste in “Attractive” women than OTHER women, are the women themselves. In other words many don’t know attractive if it comes up and bites them in the asinine.

So, this phenomenon IS grounded in reality: THEIR reality. Other women are the ones who think the “persecuted” woman is attractive: the woman may or may not be popular with guys!

13

I’d say guys are just as bad a judge, except we usually have enough sense not to call another guy “attractive” :slight_smile:

14

Well women just love the shit outta me. It’s because I’m as ugly as a post, no doubt.

15

Other women do create/experience tension around attractive women. Sometimes they feel as if they must compete or are competing for attention or validation. That’s definitely not imagined, though it’s not always the case (thankfully). It seems natural to me then, having witnessed some of this tension, to assume that an attractive woman might pick up on these feelings as well. [Especially if the feelings manifest themselves in the kind of obnoxious, cruel behavior vixenation suffered through. We love you, vixenation, even if you are pretty. ;)]

16

Searching For Truth, thanks. :slight_smile: The funny thing is I never thought I was pretty, and didn’t get asked out by guys in my own grade. But make my high school career a loathesome, living hell, those girls did…

17

Well, self-described “not a pretty girl” Ani DiFranco sings in 32 Flavors

So she agrees with you.

18

I must admit that pretty women have to work a little harder to show me that they’re worth the time an effort of a friendship, but a lot of this is do to the public humiliation that I was put through in middle school by the popular girls. I just don’t trust them.

19

I’ve recently started to experience an odd phenomenon similar to this. The “don’t talk to the hip Mommy” routine. I’ve got a 2 year old, and have brought her to several Mommy and Me classes. (Hell, I even run one of these types of classes.) For some reason, the other Moms make friends in those classes, but don’t seem interested in talking with me. Now, maybe it’s me. It’s entirely likely that I put off a “don’t talk to me” vibe, but I don’t do it on purpose.

Oddly, I was talking with one of my girlfriends, a very pretty woman who also is an ex-alterna-chick, and she’s experienced the same thing. She has two children, a 5 year old and a 2 year old, and always feels excluded in playgroups. It seems that the other Moms form cliques, and want nothing to do with her. At first I thought my exclusion was because I’m not a SAHM (I don’t work Fridays or weekends), but my friend is a SAHM and still encounters this.

We have jokingly comforted each other by saying those other moms are intimidated by how cute we are, but really I wonder how much of that is true. I’ve started not wearing makeup or even slightly trendy clothes to my classes and playdates. Believe me, I wasn’t a fashionista before, but now I’m looking like a slob. It’s actually helped a bit.

20

I know a girl that by most standards would be considered unattractive who has a tendency to spread horrible rumors that have absolutely no basis in the truth. Often it’s about attractive girls that she doesn’t seem to like for reasons unknown to everyone but her.
So I believe it could be at least partially reality.