What’s it like to be an attractive woman?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’ve often wondered what it must be like to be a good-looking woman. I’m sure they feel good about themselves most of the time and in general get their pick of men. But I wonder what it must be like having men ogle you all the time or having to fend off unwelcome interest from them.

Some women have been considered attractive all their lives. Some are late bloomers who might have been considered plain as children or adolescents, but who, with make-up and a bigger wardrobe budget or even plastic surgery, have become much more attractive as adults. Still others might have gone from attractive to plain over the years. I’ve wondered what kind of difference that might make.

So here are a few specific questions to start the discussion. Others might arise as the thread proceeds.
In what specific cases have your good looks been an advantage or disadvantage?

How do you react to the gazes of strangers?

How do you react to the gazes of people you know?

How do you deal with unwelcome advances from men with whom you’d rather not have anything to do?

Do you suspect that men who don’t come on to you directly are nevertheless trying to be friendly in hopes of someday taking things in a romantic direction?

For late bloomers, do you feel you’re now getting the attention you deserve, or do you have a feeling of sorrow or contempt that looks alone can make so much of a difference in one’s life?

Do you think that you’re unattractive even though people seem to react to you as though you were?

Do you think that you’re attractive, but people aren’t reacting to you as they do to other attractive women?

2

IANAAW, indeed, IANAW at all, but I suspect you will get precious few replies to this topic, because very, very few people seem to think of themselves as attractive (no matter how attractive they may be to others).

3

I’ve often beeen facinated with this question myself.

I think I would hate it. Not being able to go anywhere with out some jerk-off trying to start up a conversation would drive me crazy.

4

I’m not sure this is true. For one, what’s considered attractive in one culture or community, or even one group of friends, is not considered attractive in another. Also, some particularly pretty girls are taught at a young age to feel ugly by female relatives or friends out of some sort of twisted jealousy. If anything, being aware that they’re being prized or judged on their look smay contribute to low self-esteem.

Also, I’m not sure a woman needs to feel she’s ridiculously hot every hour of the day to think she’s ‘attractive.’ Most of us know how to put on make-up and a push up bra and that it’ll get us attention (but, again, different strokes. If I put on a mini skirt and 6-inch heels I would get glances from cute hipster boys but i don’t think they’d find me particularly attractive).

I do feel I’m generally attractive, though so are all my girlfriends so it’s really not saying much. I was thinking just today when I had the door opened for me that I do take it for granted sometimes. I know some guy friends who have had crushes on me in the past, but once they figured out it’s never, ever going to happen we still got along fine. And this may be more of an age thing, but I feel I can get away with certain unappealing clothing and hairstyles just because of my body and face. I hate to think of the day when I’ll be spanxed up and trying to hide my ‘problem areas.’

5

OK, not answering for MYSELF, but I do have a friend who’s absolutely stunning. I’ve known her since 8th grade, we hung out together a bit in college, and I last saw her about 6 years ago, when we were 36.

She’s sufficiently beautiful that when we stopped to get gas at that Shell station on the corner of North and Clark (downtown Chicago) she had to get back in the car, because she was stopping traffic.

Here’s what I’ve observed about her life:

In what specific cases have your good looks been an advantage or disadvantage? A lot of men pursued her in hs and college and they were the good-looking ones, but not necessarily the better ones, KWIM? She attracted so many men that I don’t think she learned to discriminate very well. Also, I think that the aging process is tougher for truly beautiful women.

How do you react to the gazes of strangers? I don’t think she always sees them - but OTOH I think she’s just accustomed to getting a lot of attention. She was trying on shoes and the guys in the store who were accompanying their girlfriends just couldn’t help but watch. I don’t think she noticed.

How do you react to the gazes of people you know? I don’t know. But our mutual friends enjoyed her beauty and it never offended her.

How do you deal with unwelcome advances from men with whom you’d rather not have anything to do? She ignores the vast majority of men - it takes a LOT for one to actually register on her radar. Which, again, can be a disadvantage.

Do you suspect that men who don’t come on to you directly are nevertheless trying to be friendly in hopes of someday taking things in a romantic direction? Probably, but I don’t know for sure.

For late bloomers, do you feel you’re now getting the attention you deserve, or do you have a feeling of sorrow or contempt that looks alone can make so much of a difference in one’s life? I don’t know. I know she’s very conscious of other people’s appearance, too, and sometimes envies women who have things (not appearance related) that she doesn’t have in her life.

Do you think that you’re unattractive even though people seem to react to you as though you were? I doubt it, she’s been gorgeous since about age 17.

Do you think that you’re attractive, but people aren’t reacting to you as they do to other attractive women? I don’t think so, I think she realizes there’s a qualitative difference between herself and the rest of us (even on our best days).

The one thing I’d point out is that beauty opens doors but is NOT a ticket to happiness. Many of the doors that opened for my friend really weren’t in her best interest. She’s kind of a bookworm by nature. I think she might have enjoyed a quiet life as a librarian, but the leather-clad bad boys who came calling were too tempting to refuse.

6

The title of this thread made me smile, because I often ask my 8 year old daughter, “Tell me, what’s it like to be pretty?” I am half teasing her, and she smiles and rolls her eyes at me. But deep inside, I kinda want to know.

7

**In what specific cases have your good looks been an advantage or disadvantage?**The only advantage that really sticks out is getting into clubs easily. Generally, I don’t use my looks to get my way. It’s easier to get what you want if you smile and genuinely be nice. Disadvantage – the looks of surprise I’ve gotten over the years when I open my mouth and intelligent words come out instead of “Yeah, like…I totally agree.” It’s comical to see them try to readjust.

How do you react to the gazes of strangers?
I assume you mean the initial gazes where they go ‘Ooo…pretty girl’. It happens everywhere. In a store, waiting in line, driving, walking somewhere…it’s ever-present. I’d be lying if I say it doesn’t make me feel good most of the time, but there’s a flip side too. I think prettier people are just looked at more, so it seems more permissible to watch them. I’ll walk by a guy on my way upstairs and I feel his eyes on my legs. I’ll be in a store looking at canned peaches and someone will walk by staring as they pass. You get in the mindset that there is always someone watching, always eyes on you. I look around a lot, scan my surroundings, and there is almost always someone looking at me. And I’m not devastatingly gorgeous…I can only imagine how much worse it is for those prettier.
Some days I really don’t mind it, and seeing someone’s gaze follow me as they drive by makes me smile. Other days, I’m just annoyed. Almost all of the time, I ignore it. If I start seeking out those gazes, I’ll turn into an attention whore who needs strangers to validate her beauty.
**
How do you deal with unwelcome advances from men with whom you’d rather not have anything to do?**
If possible, I ignore them completely. If they persist, I speak up and say some version of leave me alone, I’m not interested. I say it seriously, with no waffling. My tone and body language reinforces my words.

Do you suspect that men who don’t come on to you directly are nevertheless trying to be friendly in hopes of someday taking things in a romantic direction?
If they are anywhere near my age, yes, pretty much. I have had a few male friends who are strictly friends, but they are very uncommon. Too many times I have had a ‘friend’ turn into an admirer that it’s very difficult for me to not think that way. It caused lots of problems when I was younger before I learned to deal with it. I used to seriously wonder if something was wrong with me because even guys with girlfriends were putting the moves on me. I came to realize that I wasn’t sending out the wrong signals, they were just pricks.

Do you think that you’re unattractive even though people seem to react to you as though you were?
Did you mean “as though you weren’t?” I have my bad days like anyone else. Sometimes I’ll think I look horrible only to be told I look especially pretty, other times I’ll think I look fine only to have someone ask if I’m ill.

Do you think that you’re attractive, but people aren’t reacting to you as they do to other attractive women? No. Pretty much every attractive woman gets treated the same.

8

I’m a little uncomfortable answering this, because I feel that as soon as someone does you’ll get a whole slew of “who do you think you are?” posts. I consider myself somewhat average: pear-shaped, small breasted, and when I get compliments I attribute it to ‘cleaning up good’. Some friends/acquaintences disagree, and that I often sell myself short. Plus everyone has their own version of beauty. But yet, I’m answering anyway.

No. I have my own share of body issues. I don’t assume acquaintances are there for the pickin’

It is disconcerting, and makes me more self conscious. It makes me angry when I’m walking to lunch with a colleague (or my boss) and some man rides by on a bike and screams “Damn girl, you got a FAT ass!”

People seem to think that because someone perceives you as beautiful, your life is easy and you can get everything you want. Some people want to tear you down because of that perception.

I avoid eye contact. I wear sunglasses, or listen to my ipod. I get on a different train car if I think I’m going to be followed. If I am on a street where lecherous ogles are a certainty (south bronx) I pretend I’m on the phone.

Normal eye contact?

It depends, if it’s just some man who wants a ‘good morning’ out of me, he’ll get one. If he’s grabbing his crotch or telling me that God blesses me while scoping my ass, I ignore him. If some man is trying to ‘accidentally’ grope me in the crowded subway, he gets an elbow.

No. I assume everyone is not interested until they say they’re interested.

Not unattractive, chunky perhaps, average, but not unattractive.

9

I know a woman who’s presence causes clocks to stop working. I would think going through life never knowing what time it is must be difficult.

She and I used to work together. She wanted to remain friends and keep in touch after she moved on to another job.

I . . . can’t be friends with a woman who is THAT attractive. She’s contacted me several times through email and mutual acquaintances, but I can’t do it. I don’t want her in my life as “just a friend.” I would go insane.

Despite how gorgeous she was she always needed me to tell her every day how pretty she was. She really needed to hear it every day. I was more than willing to fawn all over her, of course. I used to tell her feeling inadequate about her looks makes as much sense as me (at 6’5") feeling inadequate about my height. She knew she was hot, but always needed some reassurance.

If only I’d been there before she went and got married to a pretty average sort of bloke. Lucky bastard.

10

I’m no supermodel, but I’ll take a shot at the questions. To tell you the truth, I think most women are pretty.

In what specific cases have your good looks been an advantage or disadvantage? Can’t think of anything specific, sorry. In general, I feel that people are willing to approach me in a friendlier manner, so I’d say it smoothes everyday interactions.

How do you react to the gazes of strangers? Maybe I’m not that hot. I don’t notice it very often. If I did, I’d probably try to ignore it.

How do you react to the gazes of people you know? I pretend I didn’t notice, but I’m probably pleased, if I think they’re nice people.

*How do you deal with unwelcome advances from men with whom you’d rather not have anything to do? * Act oblivious and try to steer the conversation elsewhere, or avoid them. Most guys don’t get too obnoxious.

Do you suspect that men who don’t come on to you directly are nevertheless trying to be friendly in hopes of someday taking things in a romantic direction? Sometimes.

For late bloomers, do you feel you’re now getting the attention you deserve, or do you have a feeling of sorrow or contempt that looks alone can make so much of a difference in one’s life? I’m really tripping over that word “deserve”. Neither of these options answers the question for me, so let me just say that the way I was treated before I “bloomed” has had a much greater effect on forming my personality than the way I’ve been treated since. I do dread getting older and becoming “invisible”.

Do you think that you’re unattractive even though people seem to react to you as though you were? Yes. Most of the time I think I’m just fine, some days I feel pretty, and some days I feel just hideous.

Do you think that you’re attractive, but people aren’t reacting to you as they do to other attractive women? It’s because I’m old and married, isn’t it?!

11

I wonder if there is any segment of American society that is not aware by now that the above quote is intended as a very high compliment in black urban culture. I decided to point that out, just in case any on this board doesn’t realize that, and misunderstands your post.
edited to add that I don’t know if you are black or not. But still, the point holds.

12

May I ask an additional question?

On average, how many times do you get hit on per day? And for how many years have you been hit on? Multiply those two numbers together and then mutiply by 365. I want to know how bigthe numbers can get.

13

(white girl, who’s been told many times I must have some black in me. Take that as you wish. :wink: )

14

zero. I’m the one that ends up flirting inappropriately.

15

1,258.

Oh wait…

1,259.

16

Hey, baby.

Make it a nice even number.

Seriously, though, multiply that by the number of years. That number seems way low to me, unless you never go out.

17

I’ve been both pretty enough to have people (men) pay attention, and also not-pretty (in our culture). I started out as a pudgy, geeky, spotty and pale, with high prescription glasses and bad haircuts. By seventeen, I’d starved myself, got contacts, dressed somewhat better, wore a lot of makeup and played with my hair to get it into more of a style. Seventeen to 22 were my “pretty years”, and there was an incredible amount of difference in how I felt about myself and how people reacted to me. When I was thin and pretty, people treated me much better. I also had more confidence, and perhaps expected to be treated better. I would show my girlfriends how to flirt, and I wasn’t afraid to find the cutes guy in a room, make eye contact, and smile at him. I felt like I had power.

However, inside, I was still partly the dorky fat chick with her nose in a book.

Attention to my appearance, even when positive, made me uncomfortable sometimes, especially from men that I wasn’t interested in. I wasn’t sure how to fend off attention I didn’t want, as I didn’t have a lot of experience in it.

Now that I’m 42, I’m once again–the dorky fat chick in glasses with her nose in a book.

It’s been interesting being both attractive and not. Now, once again, I’m invisible, in a lot of ways. Pretty women get noticed, they get attention paid that plain women do not. Things do come easier to them, or things are done for them more readily. Plainer women have to fight a bit more for what they want.

I miss being thin and pretty. If only I hadn’t let myself re-gain all the weight I lost, I wonder how my life would have been different? I think I would have certainly made different choices, and seized more opportunity.

18

Ladies, please understand that attractive <> beautiful. A beautiful woman is indeed initialy attractive, but after you meet her it’s different; an attractive woman becomes beautiful when she smiles.

19

Same here. I can imagine it might make one scared to lose their beauty, and have to do all kinds of things to retain it.

20

Yesterday, I was steam cleaning the carpet in my car because I’d spilled something nasty. I was parked in front of my apartment complex (running an extension cord from my second-floor window to the ground) where people enter. I’m sucking away when I look up and see 2 guys walking v e r y slowly past my car, staring at my boobs as I work. All I can do is give them a nasty glare.
Another guy rides by on his bike, then circles back and rides by again. Staring.
Yet someone else drives by, yells something out the window and laughs.

This happens all the time. That’s how your life would be different. You want that?