Are there no safe places anymore?

To let a nice big fart I mean?

I went to a dept store tonight after dinner and as is commonly the case I had to pass a bit of gas. I realized at the outset that this would not be a run of the mill silent but deadly type but rather one that would need a bit of coaxing. I also knew from past experience that these kind are usually a bit noisy so I strolled through the store looking for the perfect spot.

I manuvered my way to the least populated part of the store, paused and scanned the aisles for any sign of human activity. I saw no one. It was at this point that I decided to off load that nagging bit of methane that had plagued me since after suppertime. I launched my plan by simultaneously whistling a tuneless song while firing away. And I was right, it was noisy and the effort returned a more than audible brrrrrpt! I sheepishly surveyed my part of the store again while silently congratulating myself on covertly and successfully taking care of an otherwise potentially annoying problem. As I did, I thought I might as well see if there are any in reserve that might return to haunt me later at a more inopportune time. And sure enough I was rewarded by two more successive beauties. brrrrrpt! brrrrupt!
Well, I was by now feeling like a major mission had been accomplished. I had seen what needed to be done, I had warmed to the task and I had done it. I had takin care of business.

It was only then that I spotted the young good looking female dept store employee kneeling down towards the bottom of a clothes shelf not two yards away. She was busy putting shirts on display but took the time to look up at me with a you-smelly-farthog-no-class-loser smile on her face.

Well I was embarrassed but I figured what the hell. I mean she didn’t know me and I didn’t know her. But then I looked again and realized that it was one of my neighbors who has a teenage son in one of my music classes.

I nodded a hello with a stupid grin on my face and walked on out of the store.

Life is a bitch sometimes ain’t it?

Oh man, I totally know the feeling. I’m at work, and I really gotta let one fly, but I work at Caribou Coffee, and I cant very well fart infront of the customers, ya know? So I gotta hold it all in 'till I have an excuse to go in the back room…it can be hell…

That was you Aha?