I pit fleeing farters!

So I was at my local video game store, and a female employee caught my eye. I decided to strike up a conversation with her, and it turned out she loved video games. AWESOME! A cute woman who loves to play games is a rarity! I was pretty being swugve too, (which is also a rarity). I presented myself well as we discussed games, and game systems.

Not 10 minutes into the conversation, a HORRID stench arose. It was the smell off potent fart. There were people walking around in the store, and one of them must have passed by leaving their ass in our general vicinity. Other than passerby’s, no one was within 10 feet of me and this young lady. She MUST have thought it was me! Unless it was her, but I’ve never, in my life, known a woman to have gas like that! I felt bad for her because her duties required her to stay put, whereas I could leave, pretending as if I was glancing at some barging bin games at the far side of the store.

It turns out I found something that I wanted to buy. I took the item to her at the register, after the gas cloud had vanished. I wasn’t planning on pursuing the conversion any further, because I was pretty mortified. It seem she had lost interest too. She cashed me out, and as I left the line of people checking out, the smell came back… just in time for me to STILL be in the area! It would have been nice if this asshole, (assuming it wasn’t her), could have waited 5 fucking minuts for me to have left, thus clearing my name!

BTW, This is NOT the first time something like this has fucking happened to me, and I’m sick of it!

What pisses me off even more, was that it was POSSIBLY a buddy of mine who was also in the store. Though he swears it wasn’t him, the kids notrious for being a complete slob, dork, and/or ass infront of pretty laddies!

If you plan to toot, be aware of your fucking suroundings!

I assume you meant “suave”?

Anyway, sorry that happened to you. It’s terrible when some random, not-your-fault thing derails a potential hookup.

OTOH, I’m not sure I would have judged you, if I’d been her. I was once chatting with a guy who, during the course of our conversation, sat down on a partly-melted candy bar. Or so I’m told; I didn’t see nuthin’ ;). It was his looks and charm and sparkling conversation I was interested in; plus which, the reason he didn’t see the candy bar was probably because he wanted to maintain eye contact with me!

I’m really sorry but this sounds hilarious! I have coined a phrase for this phenomenon - ‘schmelfing’. Although technically a true ‘schmelf’ is one where you let out a silent but potent chuff just after someone else has let out a loud one and is basking in its glory, the point being that the loud farter is unexpectedly enjoying your stench as his own. This is pretty similar but needs its own name; I believe it could be called ‘crop dusting’?

Hello, MyFootsZZZ, my name is Julia and I’m lactose intolerant. :smiley:

Rico. Swugve.

Is that how it’s spelled in the song?

Haha, sorry. I’m a horrible speller.

Oh, man, that’s awful snort, snicker, no, really cough, cough, snort, you have my sympathy, Dude! Seriously, though, I can sympathize, but I have to admit that I find drive-by farts hilarious, unless, of course, I’m the victim! :smiley:

My folks used to have a window washing business years ago. My mom said it was great to be a woman washing windows with two men (my dad and brother), because everyone knows women don’t fart, so when they were working and she had gas (and this woman could drop flies at 50 feet), Dad or Brother took all blame from incoming customers!

In a similar story, just my dad and brother were out working–at a WalMart, IIRC–and Dad had a bad case of the swamp fumes. Two pretty young ladies walked in and into the cloud, and gave Bro a really dirty look. He turned to look at Dad, who’d disappeared (deliberately, of course) behind the video games, leaving poor Bro to take the blame! :eek:

People do things like that on the NY subway all the time.

Hello, my name is scout, and I wish I could use that as my excuse. :smiley:

[sub]And I’m a little disappointed that my only reaction to the OP - of a FART THREAD NO LESS - was “huh? What’s ‘swugve’?” I’m slipping.[/sub]

Maybe she farted and she was embarassed? Go there again when she’s there, and maybe you’ll get a shot with her. I think it would be cool to meet a chick that was into games.

Oh. My. God. You are DA MAN!!! You rock. You are officially the coolest poster ever to grace the SDMB.

<Frrrrrrrttttt!>

Ahem. I’ll be fleeing now …

I dunno, having been in several gaming stores, that horrible smell may have been one of the customer’s BO collection. The Gamestop up the road smells like so much Unwashed Male.

Even worse is when you’re on a plane. A couple of weeks ago, a friend and I met up from our respective home flights in Cincinnati to take a flight to NYC for the weekend. On the plane, one of those small puddle-jumpers with about twenty-five seats, someone let off the worst SBD I have EVER smelled. She and I both tried to ignore it for about two seconds, then completely lost it and burst out laughing. Since my friend isn’t one to keep her mouth shut about such things, she said loudly “My God, this is the WRONG place to rip off one that’s THAT potent!”.

I’ve never smelled anything so bad on a plane. All you could see was everyone looking around at the others to try to discern who was responsible. I’m pretty sure it was the guy sitting behind me - when we got off the flight, the first thing I saw was him make a beeline for the bathroom.

Ava

I got on the elevator by myself after lunch the other day. Well, I was by myself except for a warm anony-fart. Whoever had just got off left a cloud of steaming ass funk hanging in the air as a nose magnet. It was bad enough that I was going to be stuck in it’s waft until the third floor but then the door opened on floor one and two other people joined me and my ugly friend. I was actually able to tell when the two of them quit breathing. They both gave me a dirty look, the man cleared his throat and the lady took a step toward the corner. Twasn’t even my buttfume and still I get busted. That thing should have been released into a Ziploc and sealed in a concrete brick.

Try this one-
Elevator doors open, you step in, only to realize whomever just vacated the car has left an intensely horrid stench as a gift for you. Knowing that elevators are difficult to obtain, you hop in, holding your breath and fanning the air in hopes to disperse said dead animal stank.
The elevator is slowly descending. You can only hope the ride is almost over.

Wait.

It stopped.

You don’t have enough time to quit fanning when the doors open. In steps he who is known as Judge Evil. The meanest Judge known to mankind.

Into the stench. And you’re the only other person on the elevator.

And you have a hearing with him in an hour.

I think I’d deny your request to approach the bench.

And you’re all so uncomfortable around me because…

I pit fleeing farters!

I just had to mention these sequential threads :slight_smile:

Haha, yeah, you poor guys…women are so polite, and men are such pigs, they fart and burp without any sense of propriety. Ah it’s such a perfect misconception and coverup for those of us women who are prone to such things. My big burly husband at my side has taken the blame for numerous incidents. I have such a healthy diet full of all things with fiber that I just kind of have constant flatulence. I did learn a while back that while my dear husband will simply give me a look and let people think what they may, I learned to never ever ever do that in public with my mom around and think she’ll not say anything. You can’t fool her more than once, she’s sharp.

Once in line at a grocery store in a heavy line, I felt the need to let one rip,and I thought the herd of people would cover-up who did it. Well, my mom standing next to me, started grumbling under her breath…“oh my god it stinks…goddamn it smells…jeesus it stinks…FOR GAWD’S SAKE, who did that??? I need a gas mask!!!” And then she lays into the checker, like it was that poor girl’s fault, and she just fueled my mom’s fury because instead of simply saying “it wasn’t me” she got all red and tried to hurry us through the line while my mom bitched and complained. I was finding this hilarious that my mom would get so vocal, and I don’t know how I kept a straight face. After we got outside, I just started laughing and laughing, and she says “that wasn’t funny, that smelled bad. Who could do such a think???” At which time I was almost passing out from laughing so hard, and she says “YOU??? YOU DID THAT?” I was found out!

She then found the humor in herself for chewing out the checker, but she never forgot that incident, as a few years later we were in Hallmark and I did it again, in one of the aisles, nobody around, but sure enough she came around the corner, and I think it hit her like a wall of stench, because she stopped in her tracks and glared at me and said so loudly that I’m sure the people out in the mall area heard “DID YOU FART? WAS THAT YOU??? DID YOU DO THAT? THAT IS NOT NICE??? THAT REALLY STINKS. NOBODY WANTS TO SMELL THAT. IT SMELLS LIKE YOU SHIT YOUR PANTS. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?” I tried to shush her, but nope, no shushing. On and on and on…I was mortified. She scolded me as she followed me out the door, on and on, I could not escape. We got out of range of the odor, and she calmed down, but I sure got told. (No I haven’t gained better manners, I just don’t do that around her anymore.)

I find drive-by farting hilarious too…I find farting in general humerous. I have no idea why I have the humor of a 12 year old at times…I just do.

Ok, one more public farting incident, not a drive-by, but…my mom again…in a grocery store with my dad, and she sneezes. But you know, some things can just go wrong, like…the old sneeze-fart, or the old cough-fart, and there’s even the laugh-fart which can sometimes be tagged onto the sneeze-fart, as in this instance. She sneezes and at the same time a large supersonic fart manages to boom out her ass at the same time…in her mortification, she turns all red and starts a nervous embarrased laugh, at which time, the sneeze-fart becomes the uncontrollable trumpeting laugh fart (haha-fart-haha-toot-haha-bweet-haha-pootpoot-haha-fewt-etc). My dad finds this kind of thing quite amusing. He just kind of led her giggling farting self out of the store and back to the car.

Heh- a friend of mine lives in a co-op, and I have always been amused by the scolding notes left in the elevator addressing anonymous petty malefactors, filled with appeals for respect for neighbors and vague threats of expulsion from the co-op. “Whoever has been littering in the lobby, stop it! Good neighbours treat the common areas with the same consideration they do their own livingrooms. If you continue to do this, you’d better hope your friends will help you move!”

One day for giggles I made up a faux notice, using the same tone, font and coloured paper, railing against whoever was farting in the elevator. “This is not Acceptable Behaviour. Many of our elderly members cannot hold their breath for very long, and taking the stairs is not an option for them. If you must fart, have some respect for your neighbors and wait until you get into your own unit.”

That thing stayed up for two weeks, so I guess it seemed reasonable to the co-op busybody. :smiley: