If I were a betting woman, which I am, I would lay money that the phantom fart came from the pretty game-playing clerk. Why would someone fart and flee and come back to do it again…and just when you decide to check out? While pretty game-playing women may be unusual, pretty farting women are not…right ladies?
…and farting gamer girls are as common as pennies.
Maybe it’s a Linda Lovelace type thing and her unusual behavior is the manifestation of a misplaced clitoris. During your conversation with her, did she ever happen to mention a film entitled Deep Nostril?
anony-fart Perfect. Just perfect.
These threads always brighten my day.
Carry on.
Pfffffffft.
I’ve never seen, nor heard, a man leading a giggle farting woman out of a store before.
However, were giggle farting women being led out of stores to ever become the norm, well, I think it safe to say that the world would likely be a much happier place.
Giggle farting women should be given reserved parking spaces up front, right next to the handicapped and pregnant shoppers. Theirs is gonna be a hell of a logo too.
Man, I feel sorry for the female clerk. I know from experience that being a young female and working in a store that provides things to males that would ordinarily not step out of the house can be a huge pain. She probably gets hit on at least once a day. 
Anyway, I love foods that are high fiber. I’ve been eating a high fiber diet for years, so normally it isn’t too bad, but if I change my diet suddenly… stear clear. Being a small, petit female I almost always get away with it too. 
Because of course these nefarious deeds are never commited by femalefactors.
What?
I’d escalate things by making a lame pun implying that “petty” has etymological links to “petard” and “petcock,” but, quite apart from my hesitance to contribute to the prevailing miasma of low humour, I can’t be arsed.
Ha. You said “arse” and “miasma” in the same sentence.
How’s that for lowbrow?
You really haven’t been around too many girls in comfortable situations, have you?
Girls fart just as much and just as stinky as guys. They are, in general, less likely to let one rip in a public place.
Maybe it was her and it was some kind of mating call.
My name is wolfman and I have been a phantom farter. Once at a party I was talking to a chick on the front porch when I uhhh ‘felt a rumblin’ way down in the ground’. I didn’t have time to excuse myself to deal with it, and there was a truck going by making a fair amount of noise. So I backed up along the wall, and hung one ass cheek around the corner and let 'er rip. A ten second outboard motor kind of job, but the sound was covered by the truck. I leaned back toward the conversation, with no one the wiser. But about 10 seconds later I hear a female voice from around the corner. “What the hell, that is so nasty! I gotta go inside!” and a girl comes around and walked back in the house looking pissed. My friend Todd walks around the corner looking confused. Later I was talking to him and he said that they had gone round the corner to make out, but all the sudden she freaked out and left. Then he said “I don’t what her big deal about nasty is anyway, that bitch let out one of the ripest farts I’ve ever smelled”
The truth never was revealed.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to fart, and a time to squinch it back;
He hath made everything beautiful in his time.
Wolfman,
I had a good laugh reading your story.
My mom used to try masking the sound of a fart with the shutting of a car door. I noticed and let it slide, until one time it was like SLAM…1sec pause…brrrrrt! I had to call her out on it that time, especially because my friend was with me. He shot me a look that said “Dude, did that just happen?”
Slight hijack, anyone have someone “throw” a fart at them? Much worse than having a belch blown at you.
I hope it wasn’t your Mom throwing a fart at you if hers sound like a car door slamming.
Yes, dnooman, I have had a fart thrown at me. It was, I believe, the same person who blew his belches at me.
My ex-husband.
Those of you who know my humor might be surprised by that. Trust me. I didn’t divorce him because of the gas.
She obviously lost interest in the OP poster as he couldn’t stand the smell of her farts. Or rather, his actions drew attention to them and she was embarrassed. What did he expect her to say? “Yeah, I guess that was a pretty good rip, huh”? Would he still have been as attracted if she’d pulled out a BIC lighter and lit one up in front of him? For all we know, that fart was a comment on her interest in him or his pick-up skills. I mean, he sure as hell wouldn’t stalk her after a good <Brrrraaapppp> & Whiff, now would he?
Some of you women have not been to all the “Secrets of Womanhood” meetings. Everyone knows that if you (a frail flower of femininity) need to fart in public, you go to a “man” place–in a department store, menswear or tools; at the mall, RadioShack or a gamers store; at a movie, near the men’s room door or from behind/beside the biggest guy in the popcorn line; and anywhere except the window covering or carpeting section of Lowe’s or Home Depot. After a rather “fruity” bowl of chili, I once spent an hour in an automotive parts store. 
Man, my stories are pretty lame, however this was quite possibly the most disgusting phrase anyone’s ever used in my presence.
I was following behind our office’s then-computer guy #2 shot out a spud that only three straight days of Combos (Italian beef and Polish Sausage for non-Chicagoans) can wreak (ok, ok, strained pun). I walked through the cloud relatively unharmed, but Computer guy #1 and co-worker must have gotten into that wafter just as it unfurled itself.
Co-Worker remarks, “Wooof, what was that. Was that you Chairman? I chewed that.”
Though I couldn’t help laughing (and therefore getting blamed), but man, that phrase has haunted my dreams ever since.
Man, I’m never going to look at moms the same way again…
I don’t mind lady farters, and my action didn’t draw attention to the fart. I mean, yeah… I left, so what? It wasn’t the first time I left the conversation to look at merchandise anyway. Even if she thought that’s why I left, I’m not going to sit around stewing in someone’s ass if I have to. This was a raunchy fart, and I’m sure she would have left if she could have too. If she was the one who farted, she certainty didn’t act like it. I truly think she thought I did it. She acted as if I was the one. Maybe I read her wrong, but I don’t think I did.
About this person farting in the same place twice, there were a few possible suspects… including my friend who has Mexican before he met me at the mall. He’s not a good liar, and he seemed to be telling the truth about not doing so. There were a few people walking about the store, I’m not sure how many were in range each time, but it really could have been a few.
It was just a shitty situation. I wish I knew if it was her, because I wouldn’t have cared.