You are writing that as though you think prostitution is a bad thing. Maybe you should stop looking for an honest man and start looking for an honest woman: cash and carry.
I don’t think prostitution is bad if it’s honest.
I guess, “exploitation” would be a better description of this scenario, though.
It sounds like this split up because they weren’t clear on the terms of the arrangement. She wanted to be treated like a whore, and he didn’t think of it in those terms. Who wants that kind of baggage? A bitch who is going to demand things and make you relive your relationship with your ex? Fuck that. She’s obviously marrying him for his money.
Well, presumably she didn’t care if he bought the bracelet or stole it; she was marrying him for stuff.
Demanding a specific “gift” from anyone is crass, even without getting into the details. Yes, it was reasonable to expect a gift comparable to what he got his wife in the same circumstances, but if you extort something from someone, it ceases to be a gift.
As others have pointed out, however, if she had concealed her true colors until they were married it would have been easier for her to get what she wanted and harder (more expensive) for him to get rid of her. Maybe they both deserve some credit for setting out their expectations and limitations beforehand, and moving on.
I think the guy is right to run. He gave his ex a nice diamond tennis bracelet, and look how that turned out. I could sure see how he wouldn’t want to do that again.
I’d say it depends on what both their expectations for the relationship are. If his expectation is for her to hang on his arm and impress his friends with what a stud he is, then he doesn’t get to bitch that she’s shallow and materialistic.
Moral of the Story: Don’t marry your prostitute.
or, don’t demand jewellery until after you’re married.
And I’d say that was part of their unwritten contract - that she would look good hanging on his arm. She felt she would look good with a diamond bracelet.
Diogenes and I don’t often agree, but he is spot-on with this.
So is she a whore because she asked for diamonds? Is it the act of asking or what she was asking for? I mean, my husband doesn’t have the means to buy me a tennis bracelet, but he does have the means to buy me other things, and I have requested gifts from him. Was that wrong? Am I an unreasonable bitch for making our marriage about commercial goods on Christmas?
I think the guy was being a jerk. Everything’s so great but not great enough to give her a gift she wanted? That couple grand was more important to him than making her happy. Why? What was the harm in giving in? Because she had the audacity to “demand” it? Was she supposed to pretend that she wasn’t sure if her fiance would buy her a Christmas gift?
If my husband had the means to buy me diamonds, and believed (or knew) that diamonds would make me happy, he’d buy them in a second. And he wouldn’t call me a whore in the process. Why does the man in the OP get a pass for choosing money over his relationship, but the woman is a whore for acknowledging that her fiance even has money?
Bahh
You gotta pay for the putang…you even gotta keep paying for the putang you used to get…and you gotta pay off the current putang so it doesnt think too hard about the putang you used to get and what you paid for it back in the day…and even more you also gotta pay off the current putang so it doesnt think too hard about what it could get elsewhere…
Capitalism sucks sometimes…
Since you asked, I do think it’s unseemly to ask for gifts generally. Now if somebody asks you what you’d like, of course you’re entitled to tell them. And if you’re in a relationship in which both partners feel it’s acceptable to ask for gifts, go for it. Whether or not I’m comfortable with it shouldn’t matter to you.
But that’s not what happened per the OP. The would-be recipient didn’t ask; she told. She didn’t say, “This is what I’d like,” but “This is what I expect.”
I’m sorry, but I actually have a hard time seeing how anyone thinks it’s OK to demand a gift. Doesn’t that make it less of a gift and more of a – what, payment? Tribute? How much is she entitled to demand before it becomes unreasonable? Is it unfair to think someone who makes demands before marriage is going to be equally or more demanding after marriage? Is it unacceptable for one partner to decide the other is being too demanding?
Congratulations!
That’s so far from the OP I’m not sure how you got here from there.
I don’t think the issue in the OP is that she’s a trophy wife per ce - the issue seems simply to be that a second wife-to-be perceives that she is being treated as ‘lesser’ to the first wife. Without knowing more of the circumstances, this may have been the last in a series of perceived slights that she has received.
Well, missed the edit window, but on re-reading the OP, I see there is some ambiguity in the expression “more or less stated that she expected,” which leaves a rather important part of the story open to interpretation. Also, the thread has kind of a loaded title that could push different buttons in men and women. So I think I understand the range of responses a bit better now.
I still don’t think people should ask for, much less demand gifts, though.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
I’m with Girl from Mars. Unless the OP is really talking about a “friend” ;), we only know a sliver of one side of the story. I wouldn’t be crazy about dating a guy who had a reputation as a big spender in his other relationships, but didn’t spend on me. The only way I’d probably be OK with that would be if I could see he’d completely changed his priorities and was giving a ton to charity now.
I feel like I speak with some expertise since I already have a gig as a trophy wife.
So,
Basically, if the previous putangs were expensive, gold digging whores, he better just keep up the pattern ?
Maybe he just tired of paying for putang and wanted someone to love him for something else besides expensive/demanded diamonds?
Like I said, if he’s got an evident change in priorities, that’s a different thing. If he’s dating the kind of woman typically referred to as a trophy, and still buying himself lots of bling, then, yeah, basically he’s stuck paying the same price he always was.
There’s nothing wrong with asking as long as you are ok with being told no. Demanding is what makes you a whore.