Are you a Giver or a Taker?

The BBQ Pit
1

This post is directed to no one in particular, and, at the same time, to each & every one of us.

I was going to add a rant to the “It’s Just a Message Board” thread that of course it’s not just a message board, it’s a community, yada, yada, yada… but then realized that there really isn’t anything wrong with someone coming here, reading & posting occasionally, & not feeling very connected to this board, as long as the casual board members don’t leave the board a worse place than they found it.

Today, we have seen the power of the internet to really reach out & touch someone in both negative and positive ways. While clearly there was more going on than is posted on the board that led to Opal’s breakdown today, I have little doubt that some combination of her trying to do too much at a time when her personal reserves were too low, and the negative opinions voiced here contributed to the intensity and/or rapidity of it. OTOH, we saw how our connectedness was able to get help to her when she needed it. Like it or not, this MB is not just pixels, or words without the power to hurt someone. The problem is you never know how capable someone is of correctly interpreting those words. “Get help” can be a desperate plea to someone you’ve helped as much as you can, but recognize that their problems are too big for you to help them with. Or (read Can psychosis be diagnosed…") it can be a dismissive “Ewwwww, you’re creeping me out. Get away from me & see a shrink.” Even if you are entirely sure which way you mean it, you never can know how the person to whom you’re writing will take it.

As I said before, while many of us do spend a lot of time “here” because of all this board has to offer, others have not (yet) become fully addicted. This is fine - I can’t imagine trying to sort through 10-20 posts/day from 4300 people. But we all need to look at what we give to the board - thought provoking questions, informed answers, reasoned logic, WAGs that promote non-traditional thinking, positive one-liners, flames between equals, & support for each other, and see if it balances against what we take from the board - feeling superior to someone else, belittling someone else’s problems, or viewpoint, or spelling/punctuation/grammar, or in some other way leaving this board a little more hostile, edgy, or combative.

You can be a giver or a taker whether you post once a week or once a minute. Is the board a better place because you came here? If the answer is no, then you are probably not a better person because of the board.

It’s up to you.

PS - I apologize to anyone who thinks I’m beating a dead horse here. Many others have voiced similar opinions. But I felt a need to get this off my chest. I’m as guilty as anyone of being too quick to start blowing other people away.

Sue from El Paso

Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.

2

Big applause for the “Most Long-Winded” poster.

I feel that being a part of this community has been very good for me in so many ways…I only hope that my contemporaries here feel the same about having me here. I think that, in addition to the OP, TVeblen has made some very good points in other threads on the subject. We can agree or disagree, but there occasionally comes a time when compassion needs to come before competition.

I think that a big part of fighting ignorance is learning to just get along, even if you think that your proponent is the most ridiculous bastard you’ve ever encountered. Sometimes, you just have to agree to disagree…not necessarily because the other person is emotionally unbalanced, but just because there comes a time (quite often, 'round here) when we just end up going in circles, for whatever reason.

Hats off to you again, Sue, for being another person who says what I want to say better than I can say it.

“…being normal is not necessarily a virtue. It rather denotes a lack of courage.”

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I doubt I express myself any better than you, Chris.

I do sense that, of late, the “action” so to speak, on this board has been here in the Pit. I hope that trend changes.

4

Who knows whether the board is a better place because someone posts on it regularly.
Who cares…what the hell does “better” mean in that instance anyway. The board is a better place to me when it entertains me, teaches me something, and/or gets me to open up and perhaps even change my narrowminded views when I realize I am acting narrow minded.

About the give and take thing how about a dose of reality:

Ladders give, snakes take, and we all do both.

5

I believe that a member’s self-esteem should NOT be changed whether He/She gets demolished or wins the Most Popular Poster Award.

I, too, find the SDMB interesting because so many of you in all kinds of walks-of-life add to the information and knowledge that many of us didn’t have.

Some us can express our thoughts better than others; some rarely initiate a post but are always there to make a cutsy sentence or two;
others show a desire to please or stick up for the regulars right or wrong etc. So what? I know my strengths and my weaknesses and I knew them long before I joined the MB. And if someone makes a good point and calls me a fucking prick since my points stunk, So what? Maybe on that topic, he/she is probably right. In any event, I don’t think any less or more of myself based on anything on the MB.

If the MB literally substitutes for real life as it does to some members, then I can see why so many people are hurt emotionally.

Fearlessly we fought the frenzied foe

6

I realize that I add little value here.

I don’t think I reduce the value of this MB.

I’m mostly a lurker, although I have been involved in a few lively conversations.

I’m envious of those of you who can really share about yourselves. It’s appealing that as soon as you do, you immediately have someone out there in the universe who cares.

I fear if I shared personal stuff, I’d be subject to your critiques, scathing witticisms, or worse yet, complete apathy. So, I rarely do.

Conclusion: Without really making myself vulnerable, I give what I can and take what I need. I try not to hurt people (although I’m sure I have), and I try to be fair and rational. I think most people do about the same.

Sorry…for the rambling bla bla bla bla bla

-Katy

7

el_eureka

In any place where you begin to spend time, you to a more or lesser extent both give and take. The instant you respond to any message here, be it as minor as correcting someones misstated date, to as major as proving someones got their head so far up their ass that they can see what they’ll have for breakfast tommorow, you have given and taken from the board. What you have given is you time and more importantly, your emotional involvement. What you have taken is also your emotional involvment. People always say ‘Remember that the person on the other end of the screen is human as well.’ that I think is part of the problem, what people are forgetting is that there is a correllary(sp) there. The person stareing at the screen is a human as well. The biggest problem is that people, when they do remember this, use it as an excuse. It’s not, it should be remembered in the spirit of the idea that you have a vested emotional stake in anything you interact with, and as such it behooves you to consider well what that stake is. Think about when you play a video game, if you find yourself yelling at the screen in anger cause you just got fragged for the 14th time, it should tell you that you are beginning to loose sight of that corellary(sp). I’m a MU*er, I’ve been active on FM for over eight years, and have seen a lot of people who have forgotten both the rule and its secondary. Players who stalked other players because they thought that something said in roleplay had just as much meaning in RL, even though they have been told it doesn’t. People who utterly loose it, and have them selves @toaded because one person, whom they tried to cultivate something with didn’t respond correctly, even though many around them attempted to reach out in friendship before.

I’m sorry if I rambled a bit here. But it really does bear repeating. When you put something into a world, be it virtual or real, you get something out. Be it less than what you put in or more, you still get something out of it. And while others might read what you type, the face that reflects in your monitor is yours.

>>Being Chaotic Evil means never having to say your sorry…unless the other guy is bigger than you.<<

—The dragon observes