Duct tape. It works on terrorists. It’ll work on a cat.
Along with vet visit and better litter-box cleaning, wash everything that has been peed on with Nature’s Miracle or some sort of enzime cleaner. It might smell clean to you, but kitty or dawg will still be able to smell it and will think its OK to go there again.
2trew, I had to laugh at your post. I’d love to see the barest flicker of non-contempt when hub’s cat looks at me.
I received a Littermaid litter box for Christmas. Its wonderful. I use a brand of litter called Everclean (you have to use the high quality scoopable with this box), but if you’re using crystals, its about the same price.
This litterbox scoops itself - 10 minutes after kitty jumps out. All you have to do is empty the container. There are lines on the side of it that tell you what level of litter to use - don’t go over that level, or you’ll have the problem sugaree’s friend had with it not scooping properly.
Mine plugs into the wall, but I can use batteries if I wanted. I love it and so do my kitties. Their potty is always clean. Since I have 3 kitties, I’ll probably buy myself another one for my birthday and get rid of the backup box.
Seven days is way, way too long. I scoop the litter box every night when I brush my teeth - it’s just part of the bedtime routine. It takes me only two or three minutes. (I change the litter entirely every 2-3 weeks). My cats have never relieved themselves outside of the box - the only time I ever have any problem is when they try to wipe their butts on the floor (pretty rare).
I have a little pooper scooper that you can buy Ziploc bags for - they fit over the back of the scoop on a little “chute”, so you pick up the poop with the scoop and slide it right into the bag. I find that it makes scooping a lot quicker and the trash is less unpleasant. I know that some people deal with the smell of the “products” by scooping into a Diaper Genie, too.
If you get a Littermaid, you must use good litter or it will clog the rake (World’s Best is supposed to work well with it, and it’s also flushable, which can be nice). I’ve also heard that it helps to spray Pam on the bottom of the box before you fill it when you change the litter.
Oh, and for jumping on top of the entertainment center - try a Scat Mat. It will probably only take one jump. You can buy them at www.drsfostersmith.com
Hm, maybe it was the litter my friend used. It was scoopable, but all the piss-soaked stuff would clump up to the bottom and the corners- like smelly, clingy clay.
I’m still afraid to try one. A cat’s litter box is sacred space, ya know. No telling what would happen if I switched after 10 years.
I don’t blame you. One of my cats practically has a heart attack every time I dump out the litterbox to clean it. “Oh my god, there’s no litterbox available for ten whole minutes! I’m gonna die! It is coming back, right? Right? Where is it, Mom? Help!”
The clumping in the corners and making the rake stick is what the Pam is supposed to prevent.
My problem with the Littermaid was that the higher the sides of the box, the higher the cat would wizz. As a result, she’d pee into the gubbins of the whole litterbox, behind the motorized rake, up in the corners where the rake guides were, even on the battery case a couple of times. It was awful. Waste of $100 if you ask me. We’re back to the $5 Safeway Special.
My current litter problem is the new kitten. He’s got a nasty little bug in his tum that gives him the runs and the toots somethin’ fierce. Little bugger’ll fill the litter box in about 4-5 hours, and it always stinks. My vet gets back today, and he’s gonna call in a prescription for me. Just in time, too - I think I’ve burned out my sniffer.
I have one of those scoopers, too. It was just a couple of bucks at PetSmart.
I use the bags the newspapers come in. It fits right around the business end of the scooper with a rubber band. I scoop up the clumps, lift up, and the stuff rolls into the bag. Tie the bag shut and into the garbage it goes. I do it every day.
My vet said to have one extra litterbox for the number of cats that you have.
I have two cats; therefore I have three litterboxes. They all get scooped every single day.
My cats rejoice on litter changing day. My female cat, like clockwork, will climb into the new litter and leave a turd within three minutes. Once I even waited until she’d taken a dump to change it, mainly to torture her, but she still managed to go forth and sqeeze one off, just for ritual’s sake. It looked like hard work. Thus ends my channeling of Lieu. 
My two cats seem to have pissing contests in the litterboxes. As soon as one pees in it, the other has to get in and leave her special scent. I just picture the little monsters running upstairs to the water bowls and chugging back some more to reload, then racing each other to the litter box again. Sheesh.
As for the OP, you may need to find another home for your kitty. Marley may not be the cat for you, or cats might not be the ideal pet for you. I had to give up my first cat (I found him a good home that suited him better) because we just weren’t compatible. My second cat (Feather) is the sweetest cat I’ve ever seen. She’s not going anywhere anytime soon.
This is just a pointless addition to this thread, since your questions seem to be answered, and I am not kept by cats (that is the correct terminology isn’t it) but…
Whenever I see a thread title like this one something evil inside of me allways wants to simply answer.
Yes to both questions. 
Same approach here. We usually ditch the litter for new stuff on the weekend. Daily clean-up takes 2-3 minutes, tops. Spike has been known to walk into the bathroom with his litterbox, and walk back out and meow if it is not been cleaned on time. He likes to go in the freshly cleaned box. Its a riot. He waits at the door (we learned to shut it while cleaning up) until we open it back up, then he rushes in to “break in” the newly cleaned box. My very own feline Al Bundy.
My kitten/cat also likes attention at 5 in the morning. I have tried everything- the easiest answer was just to give it to him and go back to sleep. Hopefully I am scoring some karma points for this.
Mine do that, too! Sometimes they’ll each pee in one box and then “trade” boxes and pee in each other’s box right after the other has peed in it.
Remind me again why we put up with that kind of crazy behavior? :smack:
I’ve had cats all my life, and they never had problems with their litter pans being cleaned on garbage day, once a week.
Like I said, Marley has the most personality of any cat I’ve ever met. She was a stray who followed my sister home for a good half hour walk. This was well over a year ago. She’s simply finicky. We are training each other, it appears.
I absolutely adore her and she rather seems to appreciate the attention she gets.
Oh, and I found something to put on the fish tank. A half full can of ice tea powder is heavy enough, and big enough that she can’t get in, and surprisingly enough, she hasn’t tried to knock it down.
We considered the coins in the can idea, but we know that she would discover these at 3am and absolutely love them and play with them all night. We cannot have that
All is good again
Because everyone has a little Masochism in them 
“Not the best pet owner?” Umm, if you leave the box for a week maybe you really shouldn’t have a cat. Is the cat nominally the pet of someone else’s in the household who is supposed to do the feline maintenance chores, but is negligent? In that case I’d do everything short of dumping the used litter over their head to make them change.
My other question is, that’s got to be smelling up the whole house, and possibly is noticeable to neighbors if you live in an apartment or condo. How can you stand the aroma yourself?