Are you a moron? Or are you just way smarter than me?

What is wrong with you? Are you brain damaged? Are you stupid? Or are you simply the most bipolar house cat in the entire world???

At times, Marley, you can be the sweetest cat ever. You appear to be very intelligent. You play fetch, and know that even if you drop it out of our reach, we will still move that little extra just to throw it for you again. When we come home from work and crash on the couch, you cuddle with us and beg for attention, which we willingly give you.

And yet, you also know when you are doing something you are not supposed to be doing. No, you are not allowed on top of the entertainment centre. Yes, we know that you jump onto the radiator first. I can see you. When you see me see you, you jump down.

Disciplining you does not work. When ever you wake us up just as we have fallen asleep, or early in the morning, by knocking something off a table or counter, you are punished by being locked into the back room. Your litter box is back there, and we don’t keep you back there for more than two or three hours at a time, at most. And yet you continue to disrupt our sleep for no other reason than to get attention.

Okay, maybe we fixed that one a little. Playing with you before bed seems to work. Great.

But my biggest peeve……the number one reason I am soooo close to seriously considering getting rid of you……STOP PEEING ON THE COUCH AND THE BED!!! I simply don’t understand. You sit and sleep on the couch and the bed too, so why pee there? I don’t think there is a single blanket in the house that you have not peed on. What’s the deal? Oops, we left the bedroom door open today for a couple hours. Just as we’re considering going to bed, we notice it. The wet spot. So you’re locked in the back room while we clean and fume.

Is it my fault? Is it because sometimes I happen to not clean your litter box for a little over 7 days in a row? I’m sorry, Marley, but we are busy with work and our lives and sometimes, it takes until day 8 or 9 for me to get to your litter box.

Just stop being such a little shit! You are causing stress between me and the Mr. You’re “my” cat (even though we picked you out together, and he named you and everything), so whenever he gets upset with you, I feel like it’s my fault, and he’s mad at me.

So PLEASE stop. Please please please please please stop being such a monster at times. When you are good, you are an angel. And it is because of those times that I love you as much as I do. It is because of you have the most personality of any cat I have ever met, that it would kill me to have to choose between you and him.

Don’t make me do it. I fear you would loose.

Yup, it’s your fault. Cats are persnickety about this kind of thing. The only other reason I can think of for this behaviour are health problems. Just keep the poor cat’s litter cleaner, already.

How would you like it if you weren’t allowed to leave the house, had to relay on your landlord to flush your toilet for you and it only got flushed every 8 or 9 days. Oh, and you had to step into the fouled toilet to relieve yourself? You’d wanna ‘send a message’ too, I think.

OK, get kitty to the vet, and rule out any type of urinal tract problems, etc. Cats are normally very clean, and may break training if they’re sick.

Also, try some different litters. There’s even a litter with an attractant in it (available at PetCo) for cat’s who’ve eschewed the litter box. Your cat might not like the litter you’re using. Another thought is the location of the litter box. Get a second box and try putting it in other locations, and see if Marley takes to it.

I once had a male cat with the following problem: FUS.

It’s a medical emergency if the cat is male, due to the structure of their plumbing.

There would be other symptoms if this is the case, though. You likely wouldn’t fail to notice them, and didn’t mention anything in your post. If your cat has been doing this for awhile and you haven’t noticed anything else, then you really need to take pity on your kitty and take care of his/her litterbox. S/he is trying to tell you this in the only way s/he can.

As others have said, yes, it’s your fault. Take 10 minutes and change the poor cat’s box! It should have been changed two or three times, at least, over the past 7 days! You don’t have to sanitize it thoroughly each time, but at least dump the old litter and put in fresh. It shouldn’t take you more than 15 minutes, including washing your hands afterwards. Watch less TV, or something.

I’ve lived with my (neutered male) cat for about 7 years now, and I’m not exactly the poster boy for regular litterbox maintenance. The posters above would be appalled. For a while I just left my bedroom window open so he could come and go as he pleased, and that was good, there was no need to change the litter all summer. Come winter, we were back on the “whenever I remember” schedule. He never complained. As a result, the day he came into the bedroom and woke me up by peeing on my foot, I was able to deduce that there might be a medical issue.

The joys of trying to collect a urine sample from a cat with all his sharp parts are another post entirely. Garbage bag my ass.

As for the rest of it, cats are cats. We have an agreement whereby he will do whatever the hell he wants until I am close enough to actually reach him, whereupon he will stop and run away. This seems to work, since there are only about three of his behaviours that bother me and throwing stuff at him counts as a good argument on my side.

I was mildly disturbed to find myself holding a spoon like it was a throwing knife during dinner tonight, a result of my reflexive reaction to his “I will now lie on my side and rip the hell out of the carpet on the bottom stair with all available claws” habit, but considering what happened the one time I lost my temper with him I don’t think I need to worry too much.

My reptile brain decided to punch the cat as hard as possible in the face.

I plead extenuating circumstances, including heat, a crying baby, verbally “helpful” soon to be ex wife, financial problems, a career crisis, a flat pack computer desk with instructions Babelfish translated from Swedish to English to Japanese to Finno-Ugrik to Mandarin and back to English, and the fact that he picked exactly the wrong time to reach out and casually dig four claws into the top of my head. My conscious mind was very sorry for the brief lapse which allowed my arm to move.

It was a good punch. A short right cross with my full body behind it. As he turned his head an eighth of an inch to allow my knuckles to barely brush his fur and then stuck his paw back on top of my head to wait for my followup, I think I almost saw a glimmer of non-contempt in his eye.

Cats are not subject to reason. They understand but do not respect force. They are our secret masters. Well, probably not that last one, but I have never been quite able to prove it false.

Get the checkup, change the litter more often, make sure it’s a kind (s)he likes (mine finds some too large grained and will make his displeasure known in all ways short of peeing elsewhere), and you should probably check with somebody who claims to understand the evil little bastards about whether there’s any way to get something that’s been peed on back to a “don’t pee here” status; they may have a territorial thing about that.

Having reread the post, I agree it makes little sense, and yes, my foot has been dry ever since we went to the vet.

I must respectfully disagree with that point.

(If by “force” you mean “A turkey baster full of cold water on said kitty’s exposed belly while she’s hanging five feet up on the screen door by her claws.”)

She never did it again.

Or perhaps I’m mixing up “respect” with “fear” again… Nevermind.

Have you tried the scoopable litter? My cat loves it. I scoop it out into an old grocery bag every day, or sometimes every other day, tie the bag, and throw it into the garbage. It only takes three or four minutes at a time. Then, once a month, I change the whole thing.

Again, people who are not able to properly care for their pets should not have them. If you have a cat, clean the damn box.

Agreed. You should be scooping out the litterbox more often. Cats are very finicky about cleanliness, and I’m sure he is expressing his displeasure at your letting his toilet get so filthy before cleaning it. I had a cat pee on stuff in my closet when I didn’t clean his box because he was mad at me. It only takes a minute or two to scoop it out, so for pete’s sake, do it!

I’ll also second the suggestions to take kitty to the vet to rule out urinary tract problems, or to try a different litter if simply cleaning the box more often doesn’t solve the problem.

First, clean the box more often. Tehn, if that doesn’t work, take it to the vet. It could be a UTI, or in my cat’s case, diabetes.

Ooh, I missed the part about not cleaning the box for a week at a time. Here’s what I do: use the litter crystals, which absorb almost all odors. Put the box in the bathroom right next to the toilet. Each time you use the bathroom, it takes 2.5 seconds extra to scoop out the kitty poop and flush it down. Box stays immaculate, and it’s not out of sight, out of mind. With one cat, you’ll only need to change the entire litter box once a month. The crystals are expensive, but well worth it, and are available more cheaply if you look at the right places. Keep in mind that the bag will last a full month.

Harli, your pussy is disgusting and unsanitary and you need to keep it cleaner.

IANA cat owner, but I thought there was some kind of self-cleaning litter box available on the market that could go longer between scoops?

Thank you all for your input. Yes, I am not the best pet owner :frowning:
I do use the crystals, which are great for odor absorbtion, which is probably what contributes to my laziness. The SO and I have made a pact that he will remind me to clean the litter more often (it was agreed upon from the beginning that he would have no part in this due to various reasons) and I will be more self-disciplining in this matter.

Our only problem now is keeping her from flipping open the lid to the fish tank. She knows she is not supposed to do this. When we catch her, she runs. But she does it…as often as she can.

Any suggestions on how to make her stop until we get an aquarium stand that she cannot jump onto?

Scoop it whenever you see poop in there as well-that helps.

Our dog is very clever. She wees and poos in the bathroom because she knows that’s where we do it.

However she is not aware (because she has never been in there when we’ve been doing it) that we do it on the toilet. Need I say more?

My grandparent’s dog, however, is a little shit. It wees and poos wherever it wants in the house, but holds it in when in the garden and/or taken for walks because it knows that that pisses us off.

Our dog also knows that, for some reason, we prefer her not to do it in the room we do it in, but to do it where we would never dream of doing it (but where some of our shape of dog do it when they have been drinking out of glass bottles and tall cans) i.e. in public.

My friend had one of the ones that are electric (I forget whether it was plugged into the wall or battery operated). It was actually awful. It didn’t scoop worth shit.

Well…take empty soda-pop cans and put a dozen or so coins in each one. Put them around the edge of the aquarium stand. When she jumps up and knocks them off, she’ll find the noise upsetting, and this will make the aquarium experience so unpleasant for her she’ll avoid it.

Of course, cats are programmed to go after slithery and skittery things; it’s hard to knock this hunting instinct out of them. It might be best to get a lid that latches and/or move the aquarium.