What is wrong with you? Are you brain damaged? Are you stupid? Or are you simply the most bipolar house cat in the entire world???
At times, Marley, you can be the sweetest cat ever. You appear to be very intelligent. You play fetch, and know that even if you drop it out of our reach, we will still move that little extra just to throw it for you again. When we come home from work and crash on the couch, you cuddle with us and beg for attention, which we willingly give you.
And yet, you also know when you are doing something you are not supposed to be doing. No, you are not allowed on top of the entertainment centre. Yes, we know that you jump onto the radiator first. I can see you. When you see me see you, you jump down.
Disciplining you does not work. When ever you wake us up just as we have fallen asleep, or early in the morning, by knocking something off a table or counter, you are punished by being locked into the back room. Your litter box is back there, and we don’t keep you back there for more than two or three hours at a time, at most. And yet you continue to disrupt our sleep for no other reason than to get attention.
Okay, maybe we fixed that one a little. Playing with you before bed seems to work. Great.
But my biggest peeve……the number one reason I am soooo close to seriously considering getting rid of you……STOP PEEING ON THE COUCH AND THE BED!!! I simply don’t understand. You sit and sleep on the couch and the bed too, so why pee there? I don’t think there is a single blanket in the house that you have not peed on. What’s the deal? Oops, we left the bedroom door open today for a couple hours. Just as we’re considering going to bed, we notice it. The wet spot. So you’re locked in the back room while we clean and fume.
Is it my fault? Is it because sometimes I happen to not clean your litter box for a little over 7 days in a row? I’m sorry, Marley, but we are busy with work and our lives and sometimes, it takes until day 8 or 9 for me to get to your litter box.
Just stop being such a little shit! You are causing stress between me and the Mr. You’re “my” cat (even though we picked you out together, and he named you and everything), so whenever he gets upset with you, I feel like it’s my fault, and he’s mad at me.
So PLEASE stop. Please please please please please stop being such a monster at times. When you are good, you are an angel. And it is because of those times that I love you as much as I do. It is because of you have the most personality of any cat I have ever met, that it would kill me to have to choose between you and him.
Don’t make me do it. I fear you would loose.