Hmmm…well, I um, see, I well, uh-no, wait…
DAMMIT, I’m boring!,
Oh, no wait!
I don’t believe in the infallibility of the Pope so it’s Hell for me!
[NIN]“If there is a hell, I’ll see you there”[/NIN]
In a handbasket, hon - wanna come with? 
I was going to Hell, but I missed the off-ramp.
Am I going to hell? I don’t know. Why? What have you heard?
If the only offenses are those in the OP, I’m NOTgoing to Hell!!!
I’ll miss you guys.
There is a deep, primal flaw in the theory behind this thread.
The people who know the Bible well enough to create the list won’t think “going to hell” is a fit subject to inspire “shits & giggles” (if , indeed, they have ever “giggled”–or taken a shit either for that matter ) . And the people who live for shits & giggles won’t recognise a Bible if you smack 'em on the nads with it.
Before you ask–they don’t shit, they just explode when they reach 45. 
Lets see
I’m an atheist (fundamental atheist, I believe the Bible is 100% incorrect, even the spelling)
Therefore I believe there is no hell
Therefore I wont be visiting such a place
Therefore When I die I must be going to heaven
Result.
Leviticus 19:19 [paraphrased, as I don’t have my Bible here at work] “Do not wear clothing of two different types of cloth”
lessee here… checks shirt tag “65% cotton, 35% polyester.” Yep, I’m damned.
–sublight.
I think the book’s already been written 
X-rated Bible
My tent has mildew, I’m doomed!
I Samuel 18:26-27 And when his servants told David these words, it please David well to be the king’s son-in-law: and the days were not expired. Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king’s sonn-in-law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife.
A quick whipping using google yielded the perfect page for you ;j
an annotated bible full of all the chapters and verses you need
or even the holey bible
and, the infidel is also pretty sharp