Are you going to hell?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

[sub]I’m not really sure if this belongs here, in IMHO, or in GD, so I’ll leave it up to Manny’s magnanimity…[/sub]

For shits & giggles, I’m trying to compile a canonical list of all the wacky things that the Bible proscribes or permits, eg: homosexuality, slavery, pedophilia, polygamy, pi=3, women wearing pants, etc. Though I’ve got quite a bit of good stuff already, any help would be appreciated. I’m not necessarily interested in endo-biblical (?) theological contradiction; I’m looking more for humorous anachronism. Oh, and please provide chapter, verse, and version; I can get the quote myself, as I work in the (sigh) religion department at the library and have got bibles out the wazoo… obviously, I’m trying to fight the fundies who so rudely interrupt me with reference questions while I’m dicking around on the SDMB. Might even publish a Chick Publications type comic book…

Hopefully, Satan will be all over this one… well, both of them, actually.

2

You could start with the Eight Commandments, no wait, Nine Commandments, that’s it.

3

Those were commandments?

I always thought they were suggestions. damn.

yup, I’m going to hell, see y’all there!

4

Doesn’t the Bible say ** this ** is a no-no, too?

5

Huh. My commandments go to eleven!

Hellhounds on my trail,
R-n-R

6

I guess I’m going to hell because I don’t give a damn about quoting chapter and verse. That just ruins The Book for me.
Religion is in the heart, not the quote.

7

[singing] Living easy, living free
Season ticket on a one-way ride
Asking nothing, leave me be
Taking everything in my stride
Don’t need reason, don’t need rhyme
Ain’t nothing I would rather do
Going down, party time
My friends are gonna be there too…[/singing]

8

You mean these fifteen, crash errrr, oh, I mean these TEN, these TEN commandments!?

9

Sorry, black, you drew the comics on this one, so it’s off to MPSIMS. Try it again in GD and someone might bite.

10

Or, as God was once rumored to say, “Look, I can’t dumb it down any farther than this!”

11

I’m too damn lazy to go to hell, I’m gonna wait for hell to come to me!

12

I’ve been told I’m going to hell for what I did [url=“http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=33578”]in this thread*.

I’ll see everyone down there! Save me a seat and some marshmallows.

[sub]BTW - this is post number 1800 for me. Yay![/sub]

13

I’ve been told I’m going to hell for what I did in this thread.

I’ll see everyone down there! Save me a seat and some marshmallows.

[sub]BTW - this is post number 1801 for me. Yay![/sub]

14

:: checking list ::
No comment.

Yer pal,
Satan

*TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING:
Six months, two weeks, five days, 18 hours, 56 minutes and 22 seconds.
8111 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,013.94.
Extra time with Drain Bead: 4 weeks, 3 hours, 55 minutes.

*THE YANKEES WIN! THAAAAAAH YANKEES WIN!
1996 · 1998 ··· WORLD CHAMPIONS ··· 1999 · 2000
26 Titles! The #1 Dynasty of all-time!
And most importantly… RULERS OF NYC!!

15

I’m already there, thanks for asking.

16

It’s called junior high school…been there, done that.

17

yes I am…thank you for asking.

18

Why, as a matter of fact, I am going to hell.

Upon my demise, I have requested that an apple be placed in my mouth, with stuffing jammed up my ass, and my dead, lifeless, basted body be shrouded in aluminum foil (With holes poked in it. I don’t want to steam.)

19

I rarely shit while I am giggling and rarely giggle when I shit. In fact I don’t think I have ever done either while doing one or the other, or something like that.

20

And, of course, never whistle while you’re pissing.