Are You Good At Reading Non-Verbal Cues?

Anne Neville’s remark in this thread gave me pause. She said:

Personally I’m really good at reading non-verbal cues. When I’m doing someone’s portrait we engage in a little small talk, at most, but I always learn a great deal about them even without speaking. I make a game of it with children - I can almost always name their passion - the girls who love horses, the boys who love sports, the bookish ones, the musicians, etc.

One little girl in particular stands out b/c I could tell she was in a lot of pain. We chatted just briefly and I learned that her family was getting ready to move from Indy to Atlanta, and she was miserable about losing her friends and moving to an unknown. Since I’d visited Atlanta we talked about it a little. I remember it b/c her father was so amazed, he tipped me double my asking price!

How about you? Can you read non-verbal cues?

I think I’m good at noticing and interpreting non-verbal cues. My husband at least is impressed at what I’m able to glean. My job as a doctor to cancer patients has also honed this skill.

As to e-mail: I find it very convenient, but worry that the lack of non-verbal cues may make an inoffensive message potentially offensive, so I carefully review e-mails I send for that very issue prior to hitting that send button.

Some, but I know that there are people out there who do a much better job than I do. I am better at decoding secret messages in speech (i.e., we’ll leave the boss’s office after a meeting and I will have heard an entirely different message below the words he actually spoke). Perhaps that is non-verbal, because it is a combination of listening to the words and watching the speaker at the same time.

The other strange thing (and fessie, maybe this is like you) is that, in person or on the phone, people will tell me things that I don’t ask and, really, don’t want to know. I suppose that, for some people, there are things, ideas, that so press upon their psyches that when they talk to me, they sense that I’m somehow receptive, and they spill. Apropos of nothing: a woman told me about her daughter’s rape; a young woman told me about her fear of doctors (and, similarly, sex because of the touching “down there”); a man told me about his marriage breaking up; another told me that his wife was pregnant and he didn’t want the baby. I don’t think I do anything to make this happen. It just happens.

I am appalling at picking up on this type of thing. If I concentrate really hard I can sort of see that people are unhappy or there’s something not quite right, but normally they totally pass me by. This often leads to me appearing to be a totally self centered idiot.

I’m absolutely blind to all but the most blatant non-verbal queues.

I’m with Quartz. I am absolutely terrible at picking up body language, and even a lot of verbal cues as well. I can’t think of any examples because they’ve all gone over my head. :slight_smile:

Perhaps my wife should join up here and add to this discussion.

I’ve gotten better with practice, but it’s not something that comes entirely naturally to me.

I’m good at picking up the cues but crap at reacting properly to them. So I usually end up gabbling or saying something inappropriate anyway, all the while KNOWING my crimes as they occur.

Shudder…

Can’t pick up non-verbal cues to save my life. I’m hoping it never comes to that though.

I’m good at it if they are there. But of course, some people just don’t give them off–which can be hastle.

The thing I’ve noticed recently is in messenger chats; the other person starts mentioning things like like you should know what they’re talking about. A lot of these cases, probably if I was in the room with the person I would know what they were talking about–but minus visual cues or being able to see their monitor, not a clue.

Looks like we have more or less a male / female split. Hardly surprising.

Female who is bad at this checking in. I am, however, awsome at reading between the lines of written communication. Give me a nice memo explaining a new policy or reorganization and I can read its past and tell its future almost like a fortune teller. Often best to keep one’s mouth shut about that kind of thing, though.

It depends.

If I care, I am extremely good about picking up non-verbal cues. I’ve always been very empathic, and with only a little attention can easily figure out what’s bothering someone, or what they’re unhappy about.

I used to care about everyone. That was way too tiring. So I only really use it with my friends.

I’m female and fairly terrible at it.

Yeah, same here. I don’t seem to have much of an instinct for it and it made things awkward when I was younger. But I’ve conciously taught myself to look for them and have gotten much, much better. Still have to work at it tho’…

I’m generally very quick to pick up on cues, probably to the point where it causes me a lot of unnecessary paranoia - I’m sure I imagine some cues. Like others, my reactions are usually less than ideal. I’m also reasonably expressive with my voice and use facial expressions an awful lot, so online communication can be a bit difficult for me.

For me, the virtue of e-mail and messenging is clarity – I just seem to be utterly useless at expressing myself when I speak. When I’m not sure what I’m saying, I tend to mumble, stall and jumble words around. If I’ve planned my words ahead, they’ll spew out of my mouth in a matter of seconds. I often realise people have misheard me say something that I would interpret as arrogant or spiteful… and they don’t seem to think it’s strange at all. That really hurts, and is avoided online.

I think I’m good at reading non-verbals. I also think I’m good at reading between the lines and interpreting things. I could be totally out to lunch, of course.

Campion, I have sort of the same thing going on, except with me it’s quiet people. Quiet people tend to talk to me, and I like that - I love talking with quiet people. They are some of the most interesting people around. Maybe because I like quiet people, I’m sending out a vibe that they pick up on.

I’m female, and I’m quite bad at reading them – and even worse, I’m apparently bad at transmitting them too, or at least I transmit the wrong ones, so that people who think they are good at “reading people” always come up with completely wacked-out interpretations of what I’m supposedly feeling.

Like several other posters, though, I’m really, really good at parsing out the nuances of written texts.

I’m slightly below average at picking up on non-verbal cues. However, I do find that if I concentrate, and go into a conversation thinking “I’m going to consciously make an effort to pick up on this”, I can do much better - almost to the point of adequacy. :wink:

However, what I’m really horrible at is sending non-verbal cues. When people who are willing to tell me about my non-verbal cues tell me what they think I’m thinking or feeling based on that, I find that I’m sending out all kinds of incorrect signals. Not as in, I’m letting out secrets that I don’t want people to know, but instead kind of a white noise non-verbal gibberish.

What’s interesting is that when I concentrate (as above) on trying to send the right non-verbal signals, I instead get worse at it. Go figure.

Yeah, this is pretty much true for me too. I think it’s why I like books way better than film or TV; in those media it’s like there’s a whole layer of communication I’m missing, but I never feel that way reading a book. Then again, life is more like a movie than a book, so I’m kinda screwed.

Like Campion I’m a TMI magnet; people will routinely tell me stuff I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling them, stuff they don’t tell to other people. Maybe I just don’t “look like a gossip” or something. I also get an inordinate number of people asking me for directions, i.e. if some lost person approaches me and I’m with or next to a large group of people, I’m always the one that gets asked. Always. Which is strange since I am terrible at directions!