Nope.
I’m an independent computer programmer who works remotely on various jobs. I used to be mind-numbingly, heart-rendingly lonely, but then I realized that loneliness only affects sane people.
To answer the OP’s question: fish.
purple haze, I can relate. My husband loves me, but he has his circle of friends and I’m not invited.
I’m pretty comfortable with my own company, but I’ve realized that lately he and bill collectors are the only people I talk to.
My old friends are scattered hither and yon. I get occasional e-mails but that’s about it.
My one friend in town has two dogs that go everywhere with her that scare me to death. (They’ve been banned from all the local dog parks and the growl at me whenever I get near them.)
I’ve been alone for so long, I prefer it. Occasionally something will remind me that I’m missing out on certain kinds of companionship, which will make me a little melancholy, but for the most part, solitude is where I want to be.
I felt lonelier ten years ago than I do now, even though I’m alone more often now than ever before.
Well, someone told me yesterday that when you throw your love away, you act as if you don’t care. You look as if you’re going somewhere.
I don’t want to know what you do with fish.
In response to the OP, there is often some confusion around introversion and extroversion. In teh clasic Myers Briggs test sense, introverts are people who gain energy from being by themselves while extroverts gain energy from being around other people. I tend to be in the middle but skew towards extroversion. I like hanging out with people and are comfortible around them, but I also like “me” time and not being bothered.
That should not be confused with being “shy” or “socially awkward”. Those are behaviors that may cause you to become socially isolated. If you are very introverted, you may not even care. Like if you are the kind of person for who a month hiking alone in the woods would be a dream getaway. If you are more extroverted, it may become a source of frustration being unable to make relationships or connect with people.
I firmly believe that the modern suburban neighborhood design is a strong contributor to that . One thing I find fortunate is that I live in a city. For people who live in places like New York City or Boston, the neighborhood bar or lounge has replaced the front porch. Half my friends, I’ve never even been to their appartments. We just all meet up at some mutually convenient bar and hang out there after work.
And the disappearance of the porch is no excuse either. People still have backyard barbeques and whatnot.
I think the one thing that often changes as you get older, it becomes more difficult to put together a close-kinit group of 4-8 friends who all know each other and who always get together to do stuff.
It’s funny how loneliness and being alone are not terribly correlated. I’m often alone and perfectly content to be so. Rarely do I feel lonely. But there are obviously people who are surrounded by loved ones and still feel lonely. I think it’s way more about how you relate to yourself.
That’s really a sad philosophy.
I often feel lonely at work and both lonely and hunted at home. Everyone around me works on an hourly basis, with the exception of the one person who sits across the aisle from me and is very religious. Most people around me are very conservative while I’m not, my work even at its most “grueling” is the easiest I’ve ever had so I’m bored and because most people around me are call center and I’m not, they’re usually on the phone and there’s a pretty big divide between us no matter how much I’d like to get to know any one person. I’m also the only non-Christian in my entire department and the only person who comes from a mixed-faith background and who has been out of the country, so I often have little in common with the people I work with or interact with on a daily basis.
At home, I sometimes feel hunted and lonely at the same time. My toddler, who’s 3, is going through an Oedipus complex at the moment. Only mommy can stir his chocolate milk. Only mommy can take him to the potty. He’ll only kiss mommy. I’m trying very hard to help him give equal treatment to my husband, but I’m also expecting another baby, which is making my son cling more. There’s the added responsibility of taking care of myself because of the kid I’m carrying inside and the energy I need for my family and my job, too. And my husband, who I love dearly, wants me to make most of the household decisions down to the littlest thing - what we’re eating, when we’re eating it, where we’re eating it, when bathtime happens, bedtime, what needs to get done, who’s going to do it, etc.
We have a lot of friends and are usually hanging out with someone or the other every weekend and sometimes during the week, but occasionally some of my responsibilities make me feel incredibly alone. I often feel less lonely when I’m by myself than when I’m with my family.
I’m lonely. I hang out with a bunch of my fellow grad students most weekends, but it’s not a good way to bond or talk about anything deep.
The last few people I’ve become close to are men I’ve dated, probably because it requires time spent alone together. I wish there were a good way to have ‘friend-dates’ because I could use a good female friend or two.
Married and love my wife, who fills most of my social meter, but most of my lifetime friends have scattered long distances away and I haven’t connected with a good new full-time “buddy” yet.
Not officially lonely, but I do miss having a good old solid hang-out friend to fill the gap that my old friends left.
I took up knitting. I can knit at home, I can knit while waiting for the offspring to finish practice, I can take knitting classes and there are open knit nights. The big advantage of this is the ready-made shared interest. I don’t have to walk up to someone and say “I’m lonely, please for the love of all that is holy, talk to me, because I haven’t spoken to a non-family member in two days.” Instead I can say, “Oooo that looks interesting, what are you making?” And lots of the time, someone asks me a question first, and I don’t have to initiate anything! I’ve made many acquaintances, several casual friends and one good friend with whom I can actually talk intimately. I particularly like the Wednesday night open knitting–people bring their beer or wine and we sit and knit. It’s like a going to the bar to watch the big game only with out the sweaty guys and loud noise. 
It might not be knitting for you–but I suspect there’s a communal activity out there that will work for you.
Well, I said most.
Look, I don’t know if I should say they WANT to mind-f*ck you, I just know a lot of people in a lot of crappy relationships. Part of the problem, (I think), is that people don’t ‘reward’ their SO’s if they do something right with a; “way-to-go!”, it’s only when they do something ‘bad’ when any criticism is given. I think having a partner should, (for the most part), be about rooting for your SO, not making them feel like scum.
There are some relationships, (three actually), where I’m inspired by how the two people seem to be on the same team. My Parents, My cousin, and an old friend. Sure they don’t have a perfect relationship, but compared to the others I’ve been privy too… they’re downright soul-mates. I’ve seen some UGLY things, and to be honest, I would rather wait than settle.
Cheating, lying, abuse (verbal and physical)… I don’t need that. There’s a girl I MAY be able to date now, but the red-flags are there.
:smack: I didn’t even think about that when I responded. I AM lonely–most every day. I don’t need many people, but I find that as I get older, I need my friends more (but don’t really have any truly close ones). I thought I could be friends with my husband, but more and more it looks like I married a stranger. (no updates, just status quo here in Casa Rigs, btw).
I think I have learned to not mind so much. Let’s be honest: I have hear and a few other message boards. Sometimes all I need is for someone (anyone-even someone I’ve never truly “met”) to say “I’m sorry that happened to you” or “that’s great about your good news!”.
Would I like more? Absolutely. That said, I consider myself an introvert because nothing exhausts me more than a round of social “dos”. I like time alone–I’d just like a balance.
I do happen to have a front porch, with a swing, if anyone wants to drop in.
Not sure if I’m lonely, exactly. But as I get older, I find it’s harder to maintain my friendships.
I have a number of longstanding friends, and make a point of keeping up my relationships with them. But as they get married and have kids, this gets harder and harder. Pretty soon I’m going to be the “last man standing”. That is, not married and no kids. That’s always been my choice, and I don’t regret it. But I may start getting lonely, I suppose…
I’m new to my neighborhood and very lonely. My nearest friend is a 10 hour drive from here.
Everyone says I’m lucky to have such a great husband, and they’re right, but as wonderful and interesting as he is, he’s also a doctoral student in clinical psychology. You know how much time I got with him this weekend? 2 hours. One of which was running for two miles… conversation kind of drops off after the first 10 minutes or so.
I am extremely introverted, meaning I need my space and cherish my alone time. But it doesn’t mean I don’t need people too. When I was in highschool, I shared daily in the lives of my friends, I could tell them anything and felt 100% comfortable with them. I miss that.
I am making every effort to branch out, starting Aikido classes, following message boards from people in my area, and I hope that graduate school leads me to a lot of kindred spirits when I start next week.
My Aunt, who also followed her husband halfway across the country for his education, was in a similar position to mine for a long time. She told me she knew things had gotten really bad when she invited the Jehovah’s Witnesses inside.
Yes, I am often lonely. I am a middle-aged woman who has been divorced twice. I have friends, but they are sometimes busy with family or boyfriends or whatever (most of my female friends are not married, because married middle-aged women seem to have little time for single middle-aged women), or they just want to stay home, and some weekends I don’t see anyone the whole two days. Other weekends, I am going all the time, to lunches and parties and so forth with friends and family.
I can go one day by myself, but if it’s more than one, I start to feel lonely and sad. I can’t tell you how many friends have told me that I should call them when I get lonely, but when I do–and it’s usually on a Sunday that I’m dying of loneliness–no one answers or returns my voicemails.
For the last few months I have been dating someone, but we aren’t always together and our relationship has its ups and downs, so yeah. Lonely. Even though I’m an introvert, I sometimes crave human company and I don’t know how to find it.
I’m not sure it can be changed though, yanno? I mean the way you relate to yourself.
I was just thinking this morning, how I’m able to comfort myself, to the point that I was thinking how lucky I was to have me in times of crisis. It was one of those bizarre little thoughts one has from time to time - I was thinking “yanno, I’m the one who understands me the best”.
To some extent, that’s nurturing which I’ve learned, but I think I had to have a certain sense of ‘completeness’ to begin with. For example, I don’t think my sister could ever get there; her sense of well-being (or ‘okay-ness’, if you will) depends upon her being able to get feedback from other people.
Look at all the lonely people in this thread; if we would be able to gather once in a while I think we would feel better.
Alas, as much as I want to organise a LonelyDopeFest, I am on the wrong side of the world to do so.
I’m alone quite a bit now, because I’m currently teaching English in Korea, and also because I’ve always been a bit of a loner, but I’m never really lonely.
One of the reasons I married my wife is that she’s the same way I am. We’re both geeks who got used to being on our own a looooong time before we met, and we cherish our independence. It has nothing to do with each other.
I don’t keep busy doing a variety of things. I have one or two things which I really like doing, and concentrate on those. I miss my wife, and for the first couple of days in Korea, I was extremely lonely, but then my instincts kicked in. Mrs. Fresh is the same way. We keep in touch over the Internet, and that suits us fine, although we’ll be ready to tear each other’s clothes off right there in the airport after a year apart.
I’m afraid I can’t offer any advice beyond the blindingly obvious. I would ask if you’re sure you need people rather than just thinking you need people around you just because everyone else seems to, but you know yourself better than I do. Just . . . make the effort, I suppose. Get out, learn to dance, take classes, do volunteer work. Throw pizza parties. Any of those will work.
Good luck.
I think it can be. In fact I know it can be, because I’ve done it myself. Maybe some people just have a harder time of it. Maybe those people have a hard time letting go of the notion their entire self depends on the validation of others.
Of course. A relationship should be about fighting for each other, not fighting each other. That’s a basic prerequisite for any relationship that I get into.
Sorry you see so many cases where that’s not so. Almost everyone I know that’s in a relationship is supportive of their partner.