I hope you can make sense of my answers. Thanks for listening. 
- Female
3)1, 15 months
4)6
5)a. 2 b. most of the time
To be fair most of the times I go out without him are so my husband will have the house to himself and have some peace and quiet . I tak my daughter with me then. We try to make sure he gets out by him self at least once a week and gets the house to himself once a week. He is a SAHP.
Before my daughter was born, we went out together or not at all except rare occasions.
- M
- 25 (yrs married)
- elem thru high-school age kids
- 10-12 outing w/o spouse (but I’m usually with the kids)
- 2-3 (just me and her)
5b. 0-1 (us and frnds, very rare – scheds, kids, etc.)
1) Your sex.
Female
2) How long have you been married?
Almost eight years, together 17
3) Number and ages of your kids, if any.
One - grown and out of the house (not my husband’s child)
4) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV).
Just lately, it’s been more frequent. Usually, once a month.
5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse?
Maybe once a month. We go to his mom’s every Friday, but I don’t actually count that.
5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)?
Sometimes we go out to breakfast with his buddy, but it’s usually just the two of us – less than once a month, I’d guess.
I’d like to do it more often, but our tastes have really started to drift apart. I like to spend a few bucks on a nice meal and a couple glasses of wine; he’s not a drinker and has a “beanies ‘n’ weanies” palate. I like concerts; he likes NASCAR. I like museums; he prefers working on his car. I like dancing; he’d rather watch reruns of Star Trek. I want to shop at the mall; he’s into Walmart. We mostly end up at home watching the tube or renting movies. Sigh.
- Your sex.
Male. - How long have you been married?
25 years. - Number and ages of your kids, if any.
None, by choice. I got a vasectomy early on. - How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV).
Twelve.
5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse?
Five.
5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)?
One.
1) Your sex.
Female
2) How long have you been married?
A little over a year
3) Number and ages of your kids, if any.
No kids
4) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV).
About 4 times a month. Usually to coffee with a friend or to go to a game/see a movie my husband wouldn’t enjoy. He gets together with some friends once a week for D&D without me.
5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse?
Maybe twice a week, so say 10-14 times a month.
5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)?
5 to 7 times a month. We also host a fair number of parties/get-togethers at our house.
- Your sex.
Male
- How long have you been married?
Four years.
- Number and ages of your kids, if any.
Zero… at the moment. 
- How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV).
Maybe once per month, and that’s going to a friend’s house to play Axis and Allies and soccer on the PS2 (Yes, I’m the coolest person in the world).
5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse?
Probably around 12 to 15, assuming you count going out to eat and wandering through Border’s bookstore.
5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)?
One or two.
Apparently, I can’t count today. Please make that 8 to 10 times a month for 5a, and 4 to 5 times a month for question 5b.
1) Your sex.
Female
2) How long have you been married?
Almost 10 months
3) Number and ages of your kids, if any.
None, and not expecting any anytime soon.
4) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV).
3-4 times (I spend time in San Diego with my sister)
5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse?
25-30 (we go out to lunch together almost every work day as our offices are only a few miles apart, plus going out to dinner once or twice a week)
5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)?
2-5
No doubt, but just to give you a true picture, I’ll list the specifics of 1 month, from May 20th to June 20th. Prior to that period, she was visiting her parents. After that period, we went on vacation to Turks and Caicos while my mom watched the baby.
May 20 - I went out to a bar for a couple of hours
May 21 - After work, all 3 of us went to the mall and had a nice dinner at Legal Seafood
May 22 - Friends of ours had a barbeque, all 3 of us went
May 23 - We took the baby to Toys R Us and then went to a diner
May 25 - I went to watch NBA finals game with my friends
May 28 - Wife went out with her friend; I stayed with the baby
May 29 - All 3 went to a barbeque for my wife’s friend’s b-day
May 30 - All 3 went to the Jersey shore with another couple
May 31 - All 3 went to a cousin’s house for dinner
June 3 - I went to a bar where my friend was DJing; wife w/baby at cousin’s house
June 4 - I went out with friends until late
June 5 - After baby fell asleep, we rented a movie and drank some wine
June 6 - All 3 went to dinner with wife’s friends
June 9 - All 3 went to dinner at a favorite restaurant
June 12 - I went to the Buick Classic golf tourny; after I came home, wife went out
June 17 - I went out with friends
June 18 - Wife went out while I stayed with baby
June 19 - We rented a movie
June 20 - Father’s day, all 3 went to a restaurant
As you can see, when we do things together, we always bring the baby. At least one of us is always with the baby. We don’t trust babysitters yet, except if its a close relative.
1)Male
2) 23 years
3) 2, ages 15 and 19
4) 1 or 2 times
5a) 2 or 3 times
5b) once or twice
Male.
Since November 2003
Zero.
Not often. I’d say maybe about once a month (on average) we do something apart from each other.
Very often, I’d say twice a week.
It seems like at least once a week we do something with either friends or family. Of course it fluctuates.
- Male
- 13 years
- 2 kids, 6.5 and 4 years old
- 2 - 3 times - typically poker or playing guitar with a friend, never nightclubs, late night music or anything “racy”
5a&b) 4 - 5 times a month - with most being with friends; we try to have “date night” but currently aren’t spending a lot of money at restaurants or on babysitters if we can avoid it.
I hope this helps - one disclaimer: it sounds like you are trying to build an analytical model of statistical averages - “but, honey, 3.4 Dopers spend an average 1.365 nights out a month without their spouses.” That feels like it would not be effective. I don’t know which direction you want to head in - I suspect you would like 1 or 2 nights a month where you can go out with the boys. If that is the case, you need to understand what her concerns about that might be and then reach a compromise:
-
if it is that she doesn’t get time for her, then agree that for every night you go out with the boys, she can go out with the girls - fair’s fair, right?
-
if it is that she doesn’t want you going out because you are doing stuff she is uncomfortable with, well, it depends. If it is poker with low stakes, no drunk driving home and no “hired help” then you need to negotiate with her to lighten up. If you want to go to strip clubs or out dancing, then that is a very couple-specific issue - some women are okay with it, others draw the line.
Either way, statistics usually don’t help - it is a couple-specific, communications and relationship issue. Listen to her and work with her.
From the OP’s answers it looks its probably more like 1-2 nights a week.
I can’t say that I was any different early on in my marriage, but I did eventually come around. ( at least thats how my wife puts it )
Male, married 24 years.
Two children, aged 22 and 20. Both off at college.
This is hard to answer because an average month is not representative. With the exception of May through July, I probably average 2 times a month, and then it’s usually with people from work. During May through July I’m involved in an outside activity that takes up a fair amount of time (almost every weekend), there it’s more like 5 times a month.
I’d estimate about a 8-10 times a month, and about half of these is just the two of us. Typically when it’s just the two of us it’s riding our bikes, or going to the theater.
In summary, my statistics are probably of no use to you because we’re at such different stages of our respective lives. But I thought I’d share anyway.
Wordman, your points all make a lot of sense. My goal is just to get an understanding of what other people do. People that don’t necessarily live close by and people that I don’t know, except through these boards. I’m not looking for ammunition. And as we all know, it really wouldn’t help anyway. People generally have a belief when it comes to matters such as these, and even if 90% of the people believed the opposite, it still wouldn’t sway one’s opinion. And judging by the responses thus far, we’re not going to get close to 90% agreement.
- Your sex. Female
- How long have you been married? 10 years this month
- Number and ages of your kids, if any. 2 kids, aged 9 and 4
- How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV). 2-3 times a month
5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse? 4-5 times
5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)? 1-2 times
1)Your sex. Female.
2) How long have you been married? Coming up on 9 years.
3) Number and ages of your kids, if any. 2 girls; 4 and 15 months.
4) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV). 2 or more times per month for me (though none of the above activities!). For him, very rarely–we need to fix that.
5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse? We have an arrangement with a babysitter who comes once a week so we can go out alone, so minimum 4x per month. We might take the kids somewhere a couple times a month, too, but that’s family not couple stuff. I’m not counting shopping trips, and we don’t go out to dinner much as a whole family (we get take-n-bake pizza, yum).
5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)? Maybe once a month.
IMO it’s vitally important for parents to get time alone together. Since we instituted the weekly babysitter, we are happy as can be about it. My advice is to actively look for a babysitter you can trust.
Question: can you tell us what the issue is? I can’t see anywhere where you’ve told us exactly what it is that your wife wants vs. what you want. Does she want to go out more as a couple? Does she want you to stay home more? What?
- Your sex.
Female
- How long have you been married?
9 years, 5 months
- Number and ages of your kids, if any.
9 year old, 7 year old and 4 year old
- How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITHOUT your spouse? This includes bars, dinner, golf, poker, sporting events (to arenas or just on TV).
Maybe once a month
5a) How many times in an average month do you go out for pleasure WITH your spouse?
about once every other month
5b) Of these, how many times does it include friends (not just the 2 of you)?
Generally if we are doing something with friends, we include the kids.