If it were me, if someone wanted to skip the ceremony-NOT because of any good reason (their religion absolutely forbids setting foot in another religion’s building, time and/or travel constraints, etc), I’d be rather hurt. And I’d probably say, “Well, if you can’t make it, I won’t worry then.”
Basically saying, screw it. If you can’t be bothered to come and share in the ceremony for a freaking hour, then why should I pay for you to come and party?
Ok, I get that, but as I said I’ve never seen a wedding invitation that didn’t also invite me to the reception. It’d be pretty darn rude to invite me to the ceremony and leave me out of the reception. LIkewise if you’re invited to the wedding and the reception it’s rude to skip out on the ceremony.
Marc
To be perfectly correct, the wedding and reception invitations should be on separate cards.
Why?
Again, why?
As was posted upthread, you don’t *technically *need to be invited to a wedding, if it’s held in a church – the doors are open to the public.
I can see following a small (eg, civil) ceremony with a later large celebration. I can’t quite picture the opposite: a lavish church wedding with a tiny guest list for the reception. If you can’t afford a big reception, fine – but have a small ceremony, too.
I like the word ‘lovely’ 
Thanks!
My cousin got married a few years ago. At one point we’d been close, but she cut off all communication with my entire family in her teens and hadn’t spoken with me in 10 years (though I made many attempts to contact her). So I was shocked when I got an invitation to her wedding, especially since I live 1,200 miles away. Of course she was sure to include a list telling me where she was registered. :rolleyes: I wished her well and sent my regrets, but no gift.
I’m still angry with my cousin to this day because of what she did to my mother, her mother’s older sister. My aunt called my mom to confirm her street address (my parents had moved recently), and my mom heard my cousin whining in the background that “that address is gonna be a bitch to do with my calligraphy.” When my mother didn’t receive an invitation, my cousin swore that it must’ve gotten lost in the mail. Mom eventually received an invite to the bridal shower, but it was postmarked after the shower date. My mother was so hurt that my cousin made such a show of excluding her. There’s no way in hell she’d send my cousin a gift.
If my cousin ever stoops to talking to me again and complains about not receiving a gift, I plan to tell her that I sent one, but the address was a real bitch with my calligraphy. 
In an technically-correct Ms. Manners world, I guess so. But all the wedding invitations I receive mention both on one card.
*"… Saturday, February 25
at three o’clock at First Baptist Church
such-and-such Road, Baltimore.
Reception immediately following,
Fancy-Schmancy Hall, Whatever Avenue, Baltimore."*
With a separate reply card enclosed, stamped of course.
If I received an invitation like this, I would think it was rude to ship the ceremony and attend the reception. I never get this sort of invitation. I rarely get the ones where the ceremony is immediately followed by the reception in the same location(where I also think it would be rude to skip the ceremony). More commonly, I get an invitation to a ceremony in Brooklyn or Queens at 2 or 3 pm and a reception in Suffolk or Westchester around 7pm. I don’t think it’s rude when there are hours and miles between the ceremony and the reception.
Depends on what you’ve done with the assumption. If you can afford 150 people and send 200 invites assuming only 150 will attend, you’ll have a financial problem. On the other hand if you invite 200 people, would love and can afford for all 200 to attend, but assume that 50 will not attend and therefore book a room large enough to hold 200 guests, but small enough that you only have to guarantee 150, there is no problem. If the only effect making the assumption has is that you tell Aunt Gracie " Of course we understand that you can’t attend " ( since we know you live 500 miles away and are 80 years old and have no way to get here) , while you would have been thrilled if one of Aunt Gracie’s sons picked her up and brought her to the wedding , there is also no problem.
Upthread it’s been stated that inviting people to a wedding when you don’t expect them to attend is wrong. I must disagree. First there are people who travel widely and at short notice, like the military; secondly there are elderly relatives who will be as pleased as punch to be invited but will probably be too infirm to attend.
Of course, if you invite someone, you must be prepared for them to attend.
A question on invitations versus announcements: I have a large family, with a great many cousins. Now, some of them I admittedly don’t know too well, but they’re still family. Were I getting married, there is no member of the extended family I would be upset to have attend, and it’s a good opportunity for the family to get together. Is it reasonable, then, to send invitations (rather than just announcements) even to those family members who likely will not be able to attend? I would think so, since maybe they will decide to attend. And if they were willing and able to attend, and didn’t receive an invitation, it seems that might be a breach of etiquette on my part. Sending just an announcement without an invitation seems to me to be saying “We don’t want you here”. If a person is that distant from you, wouldn’t it be better to send them nothing at all?
No, an announcement is always proper. To be completely correct, you send the announcement after the wedding has taken place.
My mother, who lives for this sort of thing, holds the following rules to be set in stone:[ul][li]If you invite some one to the ceremony, you must invite them to the reception.[/li][li]It is not merely rude, it is unheard of, to invite someone to the reception but not the ceremony. Unless []The wedding has already taken place (they eloped, or something)[]Anyone may attend the ceremony without invitation. The church is a place of public worship, the wedding is a religious ceremony, thus anyone may wander in and be part of the ceremony. The Lovely and Talented Mrs. Shodan and I were wed in a cathedral, and had the rehearsal there as well. There was a little old bag lady who wandered in for the rehearsal, asked when the ceremony was to occur, and showed up and sat on the aisle. My big regret is that she left before I could get her into one of the wedding pictures. [/ul]There is, of course, a shit load of other rules, which my mother will regale you with at enormous length. [/li]
Regards,
Shodan