Are you "the marrying kind"?

In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)
#1

Good God, the ink is barely dry on the divorce agreement and I’m in love.

It’s a nice thing: adult (most of the time), quirky (in a good way), loving (both kinds: peaceful & sweaty), and all-around just happy-puppy good.

We’ve been dating for 9 months now, seeing each other kind of carefully and slowly but we know that something good is cooking between us. It’s a process, this falling-in-love thing, and I’m trying hard to do it right this time.

Damn thing is, despite being married and divorced twice, I still feel that my goal of any of my dating is marriage. It’s just part of my mind’s natural progression: meet, date, marry

I think Lewis Grizzard, married 4 times, once said something about, instead of marrying again, just finding a woman he doesn’t like and simply buying her a house. How can I possibly consider marrying again after twice going through the hurricane of life-destroying divorce.

The only thing I can think is that I’m simply, “The marrying kind”.

So, are you? If you’re single, is your goal to be married? If you’re married, do you think you’d remarry if you suddenly found yourself single?

#2

I’m single, and I don’t want to be married.

I don’t want to spend my weekends at Home Depot, selecting cabinets and curtain rods, so that materialistic wifey can brag to her friends about how she has the latest crap, which seems to translate to her and her friends that she is a success as a wife.

No thanks.

And if I was to marry, I certainly wouldn’t choose someone who has been around the block twice and couldn’t make it work.

I don’t like the smell of emotional baggage in the morning. It smells like nagging.

If I were to marry, it would be to someone I knew from childhood. Someone I grew up with. Anything else is doomed to failure in my opinion.

#3

I’d like to get married some day–I want to make a home with someone–but I haven’t met the woman yet. At least, I haven’t met a suitable woman when we were both unattached, interested, in the same area, aware of the possibility, and available to each other.

So I’d have to say that, for me, it’s pretty unlikely.

#4

Have a commitment ceremony.

#5

Most definitely not the marrying kind.

When I became pregnant with my first son, his father (who I’d grown up with) really wanted to get married. I really did not. So we split. Ended up back together, had another son, then split again. All the while during our brief reconciliation he wanted to get married, and provided quite the rock to prove it. I really, really did not, and gave it back.

As a single mother I only dated a handful of men, and only 2 seriously (meaning they met my kids.) One lasted about 6 years (we’re still really good friends and he’s still a father figure to my boys) and ended when he wanted to get married. One lasted about 8 months, right up until he asked me and my kids to move in with him.

When I met my husband I was kind of amazed at how I just knew I’d married him, considering I really didn’t ever want to be married to anyone.

Still, we didn’t actually get engaged until 2 years after we moved in together, then married a year after that. I’m glad we are married, but I don’t think our relationship would be any different if we weren’t. I just adore the man (this is his 3rd marriage, btw, but I don’t think I’d consider him the marrying kind either.)

So now while I am very happily married to my sweetie, if anything were to happen to him or to our marriage, I’m 99% certain that I wouldn’t ever marry again. Just don’t see any reason to.

#6

Seems appropriate. I probably should be committed.

#7

I didn’t used to be the “marrying kind”, but now I guess I am. My boyfriend isn’t, at least not at this juncture, and that’s okay. I’d just like to get married to him, is all.

#8

I am most assuredly not the marrying kind. Although I am married, and quite faithful, I would prefer to not have that whole legal bondage thing going on in my life. Commitment issues? Oh yeh, I have them in spades.

I am female and 35, FWIW.

#9

I’m 44, single, never married, & would dearly love to be.
Been turned down, once.

#10

I married my first wife in Dec., 1960, just before my 22nd B’day, we split in '66, never saw her again, but didn’t divorce until '71/'72. I then married the love of my life in '75, it was great, too great, too intense. We split in '80. It’s a long involved story, but I usually just say she got religion and I got drunk. Two years later, still on the rebound, I married a third time. She seemed perfect, beautiful, bright, sophisticated, sexy, but I didn’t know, until the divorce, that she was seriously nuerotic, had been institutionalized twice and was on serious meds. That lasted 4 1/2 months, but the divorce took over a year after that. I stayed single for ten years until I screwed up the final time. I’d known the last one for about 8 years, off and on. At least I thought I knew her. She was married when we met, just friends, but there was an attraction. Then I didn’t see her for a couple of years, until she looked me up, having gotten divorced. We married a year later and it lasted two disasterous years, plus another year to untie it. I’m done. I haven’t even dated in about 4 or 5 years. It would be nice to have some companionship, somebody to share with, but I can’t see it happening. Maybe I wasn’t cut out to be married.
Good luck Belrix, I hope it works for you.

#11

I’m not. I’ve never viewed marriage as the goal of a romantic relationship. My SO and I could live together unmarried for the rest of our lives and I would be happy with that. My SO, however, is the opposite. He’s like the OP-- the natural progression of his ideal romantic relationship is meeting, falling in love, and getting married. I think he was surprised I felt the way I did, but to his credit, he’s never pressured me to change my mind.

Ultimately, I think we’ll be married in a year or two, mostly because he feels more strongly about getting married than I do about not getting married.

We’re both 30 and have been together 3 years.

#12

I’m so the marrying kind. I liked being married so much that I stayed with my first husband for 12 years. I’m the girl you take home to mother. Bosses and grandparents love me.
Cyn, married, of course.

#13

I always said I’d marry for life, and I married a guy who said he felt the same way. Of course, the very first time we had problems in our lives, he bailed.

I won’t marry again. I don’t know how many times you can make a promise of “forever” before it becomes a joke, but even twice doesn’t feel right to me.

#14

I am, and always have been, intensely the marrying sort. Even in high school my dating habits were defined by a series of several month long relationship and no casual dating.

And now I’ve been with Lady Chance for 21+ years. We started dating (and it became exclusive on both parts within two weeks) our freshman year in college, I was 19 and she was 18. We’ve been married for more than 14 years now.

There’s no going back for me. I can remember, WAY the hell back in elementary school, whether I’d marry any of these girls someday.

#15

I most definitely the marrying kind. I like the closeness and the sense of partnership and teamwork. I like caring for someone, and cooking for them, and having them care for me. I am a better person when I am part of a couple. By myself I tend to let too may things just slide. When I was married, I did a better job of taking care of things, because there was someone else to consider. I like doing things to please my spouse, and I like knowing that there is someone who cares if I come home on time or not. I can be as selfish as the next person, but I get more satisfaction from trying to make things wonderful for somone else.

When my marriage ended, I think I was angrier about losing that sense of being part of something than I was about losing him. It’s not that I mind being alone…I relish it at times. But what would send me to my knees was the thought that at any given time, there wasn’t a single person on the planet who was thinking about me, and smiling, and eager to get home and see me. As much as I value my independence and freedom, I’d be much happier having somone depend on me as much as I depend on them. I’ve been alone for nearly 12 years now, and there hasn’t been a day when I’ve said “I’m so glad I’m not married any more”. I’ve said “I’m glad I’m not married to HIM any more”, but marriage was never what was wrong between us. We made a good team, and I really miss that sense of shared purpose.

And the love, and the easy access to sex, and the warm body to snuggle up next to…

#16

Oh, yeah, I’m the marrying kind. I’ve never had a short-term boyfriend, and the thought of casual dating doesn’t appeal. I like being tied down to one person. I love knowing that I’m the most important person in the world to someone.

This describes me very well. Taking care of other people comes easy to me, and I feel like it makes me a more whole person when I can. And I like having someone who will take care of me, too, when I need it.

#17

Emphatically not. I’m more the “run away screaming at the first sign of emotional attachment” kind. I have some issues. :wink:

In all seriousness, the emotional attachment issues, though real, are a phase. I was in a committed relationship for ten years, and I’m all monogamied out. I’m relishing being single and dating right now, so when I get the impression that anyone wants more than that from me, I’m outta there.

But historically, I’ve loved being in a relationship, with the right person. Thing is, I **don’t ** love is the idea of actually living together, so the right person for me is someone who wants to see each other three or four times a week, and mostly leave me alone otherwise. I like my space, and my alone time. Besides, how can I miss you if won’t go away?

#18

Maybe? I’m pretty independent, but I can picture finding the right guy to settle down with soon. The idea of having someone there for you all the time and vise versa is pretty neat, but I can’t stand the idea of being needed, rather than wanted. So I’d either have to get past that or find someone who isn’t very needy at all. I worry about picking the wrong one and getting divorced, too. My parents have been married for thirty-two years, so I have that sort of thing to both look up to and live up to.

A real problem is finding a guy that I both like and is the marrying kind himself, but not already married. I day dream about actually liking a presidential hopeful enough to work on his campaign - where better to find that conservative twenty-to-thirtysomething guy of my dreams? :slight_smile: Well, at least in theory.

#19

I have always been ‘‘the marrying kind.’’ I did not consider relationships with men I could not forsee, at some point down the road, marrying. If at any point it became clear I did not want to spend the rest of my life with a guy, the relationship would end.

Ever since I was a little kid, I thought of love not as the white-knight-on-the-horse saving the princess, but someone you could balance the budget with and be on the same page, someone you felt was as committed to positively impacting the world as you were, someone who had career goals. My idea of the perfect relationship when I was 12 was being with someone who I could forsee making a down payment on a house with and trusting they would pay their half.

I want to emphasize that I never really glorified the state of being married. It was my ultimate goal for relationships, but I was pretty content to be single, too. I guess I missed the ‘‘you must have an S.O. to be complete’’ memo.

My husband approached relationships the same way. I’m not saying it’s wrong to be different, that’s just how we were and are. We’re both the marrying kind.

Now we’re married, and ridiculously happy. We plan our budget together and share the chores and talk about politics and religion and all of the wonderfully mundane things that come from being married. We couldn’t be more pleased with this arrangement.

Weirdly enough, I think that is something happened to remove Dom from my life, I would want to be single for a while. Sometimes I fantasize about being single and going out and having a bunch of one-night stands. I’ve never hooked up with someone who wasn’t a potential future partner, and now I wonder if I was kind of missing out on something.

Hell, I even wonder what it would be like to have sex with another woman. Just because, why not? I was too uptight before I got married.

Alas, I guess I won’t find out about the joys of singlehood until I’m like 100, have outlived my spouse and am totally hooking up with the wrinkly hotties at the nursing home.

Til then, we both remain the marrying kind.

#20

I’m the marrying kind. I am NOT submissive or helpless or pretty or stereotypically “wifely” in any way, nor am I even vaguely “hawt” but I have spent all of 14 months being truly single since I was 18. Three husbands, one fiance I didn’t marry, and 3 proposals, in 25 years. Yeah, I’m definitely The Marrying Kind.

I thought Rod Stewart said that. Or maybe George Hamilton. :wink: