I find that I will brush off someone who comes onto me. If I am interested in someone, I have to be the one to initiate something and then let them take it from there.
This is well known among those in my circle so sometimes someone will try to manipulate me into coming onto to them, but I spot that quickly and it’s a no. I don’t even know why I feel that way.
Either, actually, but if I’m taking the initiative I take a very small one and wait for reciprocity. Maybe some significant time later I may again take a small initiative and wait again for reciprocity. I sort of prefer it that way if she’s taking the initiative, too: little dance steps.
What AHunter3 said, but a bit more.
About 95% of the time I’m the one that initiates contact, but once it’s initiated, it doesn’t matter who started it. Once we’re in conversation I’ll try to lead where the conversation goes. If she insists on talking about facts, I’ll try to get to the emotional content of the facts. If the emotional content is negative, I’ll try to turn it positive. If it’s already a fantastic conversation, I don’t need to do much other than enjoy it.
I’m invariably the one to ask for contact info or suggest a date. If we’ve exchanged info, I’m usually the one to call or e-mail first.
I’m usually the pursuer. As pursuee, I’m very easy to catch.
I prefer to be the pursuee, but I’ve had to jump-start things on occasion.
I’m almost always the one pursued (and usually trying to find a gentle way to tell someone to back off), and the one time I was the pursuer I fucked it up royally.
I figured out recently though why this was the case. I like to be very close to someone before considering a relationship*. Even if I’m very attracted to someone I’d rather not rush into things. That probably makes me obnoxious, so this is an apology in advance to anyone who may fall for me in the future.
*Wherein relationship = long term; I’m not speaking of hookups.
I’ve always been the pursuer. But I was usually too aggressive … which means I was usually too alone. But I found someone who likes me being forward and dominant. (Nothing kinky intended here)
Are You The Pursuer Or The Pursuee In Romantic Endeavors?
Neither, for the past mumble years.
I feel similarly to the OP. But I’m not sure the reason is that I don’t really like to be the one approached, or if it’s because most of the people who approach me aren’t the type of people I would pick for myself. I generally don’t like people who are too forward, or who seem so flirtatious that I don’t seem special. But I may also just find the lack of challenge unattractive.
If I think about it, though, what I really prefer is serendipitous occurrences, where neither one of us was really going after the other. It makes me feel like it was supposed to happen. Choosing for myself is stressful, and I’ve already described the problem if it comes from the other end.
Back when I was single . . . I was really bad at reading people who were coming on to me, unless they were blatantly obvious. I just didn’t get it until afterward, when it was too late.
Sadly, neither.
I am usually the pursuee. Only once did I really pursue someone, I got her too, I was single-minded and tenacious when I pursued her. It was the only time I ever really had luck with it. I seduced her pretty well and she loved it for a while, but it didn’t last.
I’ve been married twice and both times they wanted me badly immediately and I could tell, but I didn’t want to be in a relationship. I allowed it to happen more readily the first time, she seduced me and that was pretty nice. Then the second time I actively tried to get away from my second wife but she was persistent and always kind of there in a quiet and gentle way. I think I always kind of knew I would settle down with her and it wasn’t so much her that I didn’t want, it was the settling down part. I seduced the girl above in the middle of it. I met my current wife before that relationship, and we got together after that relationship, and now we’re together and have a pretty good and stable relationship.
The girl I lost my virginity I guess we both sort of pursued each other. When I went to the grocery store she would stare at me, she was a cashier. So finally one day I needed a job, so I applied at that grocery store thinking I might get to hook up with this girl too. My first day they put her on to train me. It was fabulous.
Nearly always the pursuer, not the pursued. WTF how did this thread make it this far without someone using that word?
ffs “pursuee” :rolleyes:
Spoilsport. 