So, I’m sorta direct – I’ll just go ahead and ask straight out: I was born in the 60’s. I want to know if (straight) men roughly of my generation are freaked out, put off, or disappointed by women who like sex. Or by women who take the initiative. I’m not talking about being demanding (probably?), I’m talking about women who are eager to get on the stick once you have established that there is a mutual attraction.
Do you really prefer all that “thrill of the chase” stuff? Do you actually want to feel that you are persuading someone to do something they wouldn’t have thought of themselves? If so, why? And if you would, say, sleep with a woman on the first date, would she then be not a candidate for a girlfriend/LTR? If not, why?
I welcome women’s opinions on this as well. Thanks!
She would not then be a candidate for a girlfriend/LTR.
Why? Its an indicator of a lack of impulse control and stability. Not necessarily a good indicator but one which many men pay a lot of attention to.
If you want to get on the stick, feel free. Billions of men will accommodate you. If you want a sustainable relationship that’s another thing entirely.
This is in the “My useless opinion” section isn’t it?
It depends, on a whole lot of things. If it just seemed “right”, then, well, when it’s right, it’s right. If she says, “I’ve never done this (had sex on the first date) before,” that means she’s done this at least half a dozen times before, and probably wouldn’t be LTR material, because she’s a liar. There’s lots and lots of space in between, but there’s not many ways to rule out candidacy, IMHO. OTOH, sex on a first date usually, but not always, means the gal is not really seeking a LTR, in my experience.
Ouch! That’s what I’m worried about. I mean, I’m not worried that it’s true; I’m worried that that’s what men may be thinking.
I’m curious, though: Having sex on the first date can’t simply be an indication of a normal, healthy sex drive? I guess I just don’t see a reason why I need impulse control in that situation. Oh, wait, do you mean that it would lead you to suspect that I might also leap on anybody else I was alone with for more than an hour? Hmmmm, hadn’t thought of that…to me, it’s apples and oranges. I’m not promiscuous at all; I’m just fast.
Yes, of course, Santo Rugger. And I love that first sentence!
Me: What’s good on TV tonight?
Razorette: “Dancing With the Stars” is on.
Me: No comedies?
Razorette: Yeah, but we’ve seen ‘em.
Me: Hmm.
Razorette: Wanna’ have sex?
Me: I guess.
Yup, I love a woman who takes charge in the bedroom!
If she’s offering sex on the first date, I’d have to assume she’s made the same offer to the last…however many guys she’s gone out with. No thank you, I’ll pass.
A little younger than the OP (b '77), but still vaguely in the same general nominal generation as the op…
I’d actually prefer a woman who will take the initiative, personally.
Now, if she took said initiative on the first date, as Santo mentioned, that might be a little off-putting, as it brings up the question of whether she’s actually looking for a LTR, or just a quick roll. (Not that I’m the kind who’d be chosen for a quick roll, but, just in general, y’know.) Wouldn’t mark her as a no-go for me, but I’d be cautious.
My fiancee and I had sex on the first date. It didn’t put me off - 7 years later we are getting married in the summer.
My previous long-term girlfriend made me wait about 10,000 years (actually it was probably slightly less than two months) before I got so much as a hint of bedroom action.
Either way isn’t going to put me off if I like the girl!
Mutual attraction should be the simplest thing in the world. I don’t understand why women who want sex would pretend they don’t, or why men who want sex would be turned off by a woman who offers it. I think the most attractive possible attribute a woman could have would be complete emotional and sexual honesty. I want women to tell me what they want, how they want it, and what they DON’T want. If you had a bad date, don’t tell me you had a great time! If you don’t like being on the bed all the time, tell me you want to try it in the shower or something. Don’t just wait for me to figure out exactly what you want, and then get disappointed or upset when I don’t read your mind.
I don’t want to chase anyone, and there is no such thing as the “thrill” of the chase for me. I have never in my life chased a woman, and the ones who seemed to want me to chase them were immediately unattractive to me as soon as I began to get the tiniest tingling sensation that they might be playing a game.
Don’t take it the wrong way, because I’m a happily married man with a child and a mortgage (edit: and two dogs!), but I think your attitude in the OP is attractive, and I can’t understand why anyone would be put off by it. Honestly, I didn’t believe straight women existed who thought like that.
Third 77er checking in. I agree wholeheartedly with the above. I don’t want you to use “wanna fuck?” as a greeting, but once we’re acquainted, for the love of Og just tell me what you want.
In Western culture, it’s down to about 2000 years of Christian history regarding women as either virgins or whores. That’s why “skank” exists as an insult; that’s why “I’m not that sort of girl” is a classic movie line. Of course it’s not just western culture. The notion of women wanting and enjoying sex is taboo in many cultures: female circumcision exists to rob women of all possibility of sexual enjoyment. And sadly, in those cultures where female circumcision is practised, it’s the women who do it and promote it, the women who regard uncircumcised females as skanks. Women pretending they don’t want sex is a minor aberration compared to that.
I was born in the 70s, and I don’t understand the idiom “get on the stick.” I guess that means you’re asking if men prefer a woman who’s passive. I say, if you’re interested, let the guy know…
Definitely not freaked out by women interested in sex. As I’ve mentioned in the past, I seem to be oblivious to signals people send out. For all I know, women have been sending me signals for years and I’ve just missed them, but the idea of “sex on the first date” is entirely alien to me.
I DON’T like persuading people to do something they don’t want to. That strikes me as impossibly rude and precisely the opposite of what one would want in a person or relationship.
I’m not from your generation, heck, I’m not even a Gen X’er. I think I’m technically from the MTV generation…
Anyways. No, I’m certainly not put off by women who like sex. In fact, it’s been rather rare in my dating history that I’ve met a woman whose sex drive approached or matched mine, so it’s always a very good thing. But of course, your question seems to be more about courting (even for a fling rather than LTR) than how men would like a girlfriend/wife to think about sex, yes?
Whee!
Women of that sort deserve to be honored by a national holiday. Of course, as with many things, there’s a fine line between bold and coming on too strong. I’ll get to that. (And no, it’s not at all fair or easily explained, sorry)
See, now that depends. I’m currently engaged, so obviously the whole ‘thrill of the chase’ kind of lost its appeal, especially after I hit my recommended lifetime dose of crazy chicks. However, whenever I was in the opening phases of 'courtship, I can promise that the initial friction/tension/uncertainty was, in its own way, much hotter than any actual sex. Then again, I’m rather cerebral and a total introvert, so take that with a grain of salt.
It can be not just nice, but a heck of a lot of fun to go through the ‘chase’. But no, not always. Sometimes it’s certainly nice to have two people meet, discover that they get alone well and enjoy each other, and get down to brass tacks. And no, I can’t offer specifics as to which mode is better for which mood, you either know or you don’t, and both people are either in synch or they’re not. Such is dating, eh?
I can say, as others have said, there can be issues with a girl who’s a bit too eager to fuck. In today’s day and age, a woman who’s willing to put out on the first date might just be spreading her love allllllll around town, and it might be risky as all hell. Then again, she might have been out of the game for a year or so and just absolutely ravenous. And of course, depending on the vibe you (that is, the man) is busy getting, the situation could be interpreted as there not even being anything special about you, and you just being the most readily accessible penis. Not always a bad thing, mind you, but also not very flattering if you’ve got a real crush on a specific girl.
Yikes… that’s a lot of text.
In any case, it depends and it varies. If I were to think that it was about me, rather than just getting some cock, then yeah, it’d probably be flattering and no barrier to consideration of LTR status, at all. If I got a vibe, however, that it was just scratching an itch, it could’ve been any other guy, and it probably will be another guy in the next 72 hours? I’d be out the door first thing in the morning, if I didn’t politely excuse myself in the first place, of course.
Oh, and:
Sometimes, sure. Sex, like most facets of human relationships, has a lot to do with power and control, trust and comfort, safety and excitement, pleasure and anticipation, etc… It can add some spice to an affair if you had to work at it a bit. After all, it may not be fair, but most people do not value all too dearly that which comes all too cheaply. Even if they should.
Being able to charm someone who wasn’t initially interested is a massive ego boost, too.
To elaborate on my answers from above, it would depend on a massive number of factors. If we’ve been friends for a while, were watching a movie at my place late at night and just sort of ended up having sex? No prob. Even nicer might be if we cuddled a bit and had some heavy petting, but actually slept together and had sex and breakfast (in any order) once morning came. There’s something incredibly sexy about a woman who knows what she wants but it also willing to wait a bit for the right moment and/or tease the hell out of you playfully.
~shrugs~
And having written all that, I would just like to say… holy flying monkeys of God, I am really fucking glad that I’m not in the dating scene anymore. Best of luck to you!
Some women are looking for “the 33 ways to drive your man wild”, but they don’t enjoy sex. They then try to learn a variety of “techniques” which could be effective (in a high class hooker kind of way), but which are ultimately unsatisfying if the goal of sex with someone that you love (and like) is to share the pleasure. (If the guy’s goal is to get his rocks off, then she doesn’t even have to pretend to be alive … )
I think that most men prefer women who enjoy sex and I think that many women know this. That’s why some women will fake orgasms. (Cue scene from “When Harry Met Sally” …)
I was born in '55, and might be too old for your survey. I don’t imagine I would be put off in any way by the kind of woman you describe. It sounds nice. You can keep the thrill of the chase; I was tired of that bull decades ago. I’ve had women show a little initiative after a relationship was established and I think more initiative earlier would be even better. A woman who wants sex is way more fun than one who’s doing you a favor every time she lets you touch her. As for trying to guess a woman’s past from her behavior on a single date, I wouldn’t even attempt it. If I think she’s some kind of scary, dangerous person, I’ll head for the hills. Otherwise, whether its the first date or the fifteenth, if we both want to, why not? And if we’re getting along, why would I want to rule somebody out as a girlfriend?
