Hell no, do NOT make me run you down. I lost all patience for games at about age 21 and haven’t looked back since. I enjoy a woman who is frank and to the point about her expectations in the bedroom department, and that includes the first date. I had no compunctions about asking dates their intentions after we had socialized for a little while. If they couldn’t handle answering a basic question about sex, then I lost all interest in them at that point.
Usually something like this:
AL: Man, I’m having a great time tonight, how 'bout you?
Generic Date (GD): Oh! me too.
AL: So look, Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m curious as to what you are looking for sexually. Anything is good by me, but I don’t like to fool around in that department because it can ruin good relationships.
GD: Responds according to her intentions.
Most of the time they said they found my frankness appealing after they got over the fact that he really DID just ask that. It turned out that most of them wanted sex as much as I did, but were afraid of looking like sluts etc… They felt it pretty freeing to be able to just say what they wanted.
Those who couldn’t or wouldn’t answer that question got relegated to the friend, or do not call again pile. If they Couldn’t answer that question, I found them too immature. You don’t go out on a date with zero idea as to your own sexual appetites. Yes those may change significantly during the course of the date, but you ought to be able to speak where your mind is at. Those who wouldn’t answer were either far to prudish, or more interested in playing games.
I was born in the 1950s. I just plain no-comprendo the idea that women wouldn’t be enthusiastic about sex.
I grew up in an era where men almost always did have to take the initiative, at least until one was in an established relationship, but I viewed having to do so as a necessary evil. Anytime women wanted to take some of that burden away, it was all good.
My dating days are 20 years in the rearview mirror, but I did have a relationship of a couple months’ duration with one woman with whom I slept on the first date. (Well, we eventually slept, that night. :)) We broke up for reasons completely unrelated to our fast start.
If I were suddenly back in the dating pool (Nooooooooo!!!) in middle age, I think my basic attitudes would be the same, but I’d be more likely now than then to ask dates some variation on Acid Lamp’s question fairly early on - probably not on the first date, but certainly by the second or third.
Q: Do you really prefer all that “thrill of the chase” stuff? Do you actually want to feel that you are persuading someone to do something they wouldn’t have thought of themselves?
A: Not really. I prefer my partner to have my level of enthusiasm and not just do it because she believes it is what it takes to “catch” me. I have friends who married women like that and really, really regret that aspect of their relationship.
Q: And if you would, say, sleep with a woman on the first date, would she then be not a candidate for a girlfriend/LTR?
A: Sure, she’d be a candidate, otherwise it would be more than a bit hypocritical (she’s not a candidate, but I am for some reason?)
“Anything is good by me” is not likely to be true, and it certainly doesn’t offer the kind of candor you’re asking of her.
I was born in 56 and am currently back in the dating scene after a multi-decade hiatus. Whether the times have changed or women my age have outgrown the game I don’t know, but I’m finding women in their 50s are generally much clearer about their needs and desires than women in their 20s were way back when. And that is fabulous.
Born in 1961. I like sex and I like a woman who likes it. I don’t need the chase. As long as we both are attracted to each other, I don’t care - in fact enjoy it - if she initiates it.
Married man, born in the 1960s too. I would prefer this every day of the week. The thrill of the chase during my single years all too often ended up with the agony of defeat. I don’t feel a need to conquer anyone; I want someone who wants me nearly as much as I want them, and if they want me more (like that would ever happen), even better.
I’ve been told I’m a great guy, better than great even. On any given day I’m the guy you’re reading about when women are romanticising about the kind of guy they wish they could find. Sure, I’m bipolar and hallucinate wildly from time to time and have been known to smack my head against walls in an effort to escape consciousness, but really once you get past that I’m perfect. Do I crave human connection in a big way, hell yeah. And if you sugest a roll in the hay when everything else seems to be clicking between us then you’re going to be [checks forum] um, very pleased.
Whether or not you’re girlfriend or LTR material depends entirely on how you deal with my darker side on those rare occasions when you’re exposed to it and not the speed with which you decide to get your freak on.
In what way? I was agreeable to whatever they might be looking for. If we were on way different pages, then at least we both could act accordingly. I had a few dates that weren’t interested in sex. I was and told them so. We enjoyed going out in a friendly capacity from then on. On the other hand, I had a few who were only interested in an overnighter. I took a few of them up on the offer, and declined a few. There is a whole range in between, but fumbling around the issue like giggling middle schoolers isn’t the way to assess the compatibility in that department
Look, I really did just do it once! And then later, when we’d broken up because he moved away, he was talking about how hard it was to find good relationship-oriented women and he said something like “No offense, but I’m totally not looking for somebody who has sex on the first date.” Yeah, I felt low. Thanks.
Basically means “get things moving.” Though, in this context, it has a pretty hilarious alternate meaning.
Born in 1965. Have never ever minded a forward woman. In fact, it’s one of the few areas of disagreement I have with my wife…she’s rarely, if ever, the initiator, and I wish she did so more often.
Sounds like my love life also…although I would replace rarely with never. I even tried waiting her out once…instead of initiation, I got complaints as to why I wasn’t initiating. And it isn’t like I’ve been silent on the subject.
I’m in your age range and I just completed (married 10 days ago) a dating cycle.
I frankly love a woman who’s assertive about what she wants in the bedroom. It’s not that I’m submissive, I think that’s is a lot of fun to run the range from passive to mutual to aggressive as part of bedroom play.
What I’m looking for is an active, enthusiastic, participant in the bedroom. I want a woman who enjoys sex, is willing to experiment a bit, and not play “read-my-mind” games if she wants something from me.
Sex on a first date? No problem with it - as my recent dating has shown. As I told many women, though, sex isn’t love. However, it should mean “I like you and want to see you again.”
I don’t appreciate pity sex or good-bye sex, I guess.
Male, born in 1963. ‘Forwardness’ in women has never been unattractive to me, though I did back off quickly from one online relationship that was not so much ‘forward’ as ‘crazy’. I love seeing a woman enjoying herself; it’s a major turn-on.
I wish women would show interest or make the first move more often! I don’t do body language all that well, and have a hard time recognising people until I’ve been around them for a while.
If a woman is interested but is waiting for me to make the first move, I probably won’t even notice. If I do, I’ll assume she isn’t really interested in me, but just wants to play mind games. And playing mind games is extremely unattractive.
She would be. In fact, I doubt I would marry any woman who made me wait until the third date or whatever; she’s obviously not horny enough. I want a woman who is as horny as a guy, and with roughly the same kind of urgency.
I don’t think loving sex necessarily equals sleeping on the first date, though. I give The Guy a run for his money when it comes to being horny but I’ve never slept with a guy on the first date, and I don’t see myself doing so in the future either. (Not for any moral reasons. I’m not judging people who do.)
I like sex. A lot! I’m all for women who like sex a lot too.
But an offer of sex on the first date would honestly freak me out a bit unless the circumstances were unusual (Oh no! An asteroid is going to wipe out the Earth in 30 minutes! We have just enough time…) or unless we had known each other a long time before the first date.
I think I was dating my wife for like 8 months before we got intimate.
What I hate is a gender-based double standard, like when people say that a man “asks for sex” and a woman “offers sex”. Sex isn’t a commodity that a woman keeps locked up in a box and occasionally gives or sells to a man. Jesus, do people still think that way?
