Don’t we need to stop playing these coy, outdated dating games? This is 2015 shouldn’t women be taking charge, kicking ass and taking names if they are interested in a guy?
Own that Guy in 60 Days: A Practical Guide to Love for the 21st Century Woman
There’s a fine line between “focusing all their attention on him” and stalking.
Some of it, sure. Text him to tell him you enjoyed the date. Talk to him first at a party.
But sleep with him on the first date? Focus all your attention on him from Day One? Too much, too soon.
Sure that will get many/most guys, assuming the guy is into you and wants a relationship. But then you’ve spoiled the guy and if you can’t/won’t keep up that level of attention then the relationship probably won’t last long-term.
Agreed. Too bad many cant see it until they are a few miles over it.
Relationship advice columnists like Advice Goddess will claim that a woman who comes off too forward towards guys makes herself appear to have less self-worth to many men.
She could definitely get a man to fall in love with her, but he won’t necessarily be the right guy for her in the long run. Maybe it will work out great, but often she will end up with a really passive person. Not having to do the heavy lifting in the relationship makes it more likely he will be unromantic, unwilling to take the initiative with other challenging social situations like standing up for himself or others, seeing the subtext in a situation, or being able to take action without relying on someone always having to give him a ‘cue’.
The woman could luck out and meet an amazing guy by being super forward, but in the long run she’s going to come off as desperate and snag the kind of men that will settle for a desperate woman. I wouldn’t want to be with a man that ‘settled’ for being with me because I’m ‘easy’ and do all the work for him.
If a woman has sex with a man on the first date, he’ll probably wonder how many other men she’s also had sex with.
Why is a woman “desperate” in 2015 if she is asserting her own choices and being sexually proactive?
Sounds like a great dating philosophy, but a horrible long term relationship philosophy.
I’m not sure that maters.
'Cause, you know, it’s ok for men to be open about sexual desire but not for women. Because we live in the 19th century and everything.
Asserting her own choices is not the same as being desperate by doing all the work in a relationship. A major aspect of dating someone is evaluating whether the relationship is a good fit. Doing all the heavy lifting deprives you of perspective of your partner’s actual interest.
While there’s nothing wrong with a woman being willing to pro actively have sex on the first date, it carries much more risk to a woman than to a man.
It’s good advice, assuming “focus all your attention from day one” is exaggerated. This coy, hard to get, text back three days later bullshit women are still holding onto is a crap policy. If you want to talk to him, go talk to him. If you want to make out, make out. If you want to have sex, have sex. If you want to call him the next day for coffee or whatever, do it.
Don’t pretend to care more than you do, but don’t pretend to care less than you do either. As a guy, I like to know I’m wanted and desired. So show me exactly how much you desire me, and I promise I’ll do the same. Stop the games.
This guy telling women that they should have sex on the first date may not be an impartial observer. I think he left out a few dating tips that are completely for the greater good of the general public and totally not in his interest at all.
“Communicate in different ways instead of just words. Blowjobs still use the mouth, and are just as effective at showing your feelings, especially if done frequently.”
“Having a good relationship with your family will help with the relationship with your man. Have your sister Sandy over for a threesome. With her sexy red hair and that great ass. Mmm… Just dating advice for all the women out there and totally not about anyone in particular.”
Why would this matter?
As a guy who hates the fact that we are told to “man up” and make the first move, I completely and 100% agree that women should take more of, if not most of, the initiative
It’s odd that a woman asking man out on a date, initiating sex and telling him directly how much she likes him is described as “heavy lifting”. Is it considered “heavy lifting” when a man does these things when dating a woman? Is a man doing these things “deprived of the perspective of his partner’s actual interest”?
Initiating sex on the first date is a great idea if your goal is to have sex with a bunch of different people. And I’m sure that there are plenty of women for whom that is their goal. But if your goal is a stable long-term relationship, not so much.
That said, initiating any step in a relationship can be done by either person. If you’re interested in someone, let them know, don’t wait for them to say anything. And that goes for both men and women.
No.
Having sex with someone because you are in a relationship with someone is different from having sex with someone because you want to be in a relationship with someone.
I doubt most men would object to a woman taking the initiative in forming a relationship. Having her decide that we are going to be in a relationship, come what might, makes me worry about coming home to find my rabbit being boiled.
Regards,
Shodan