People who are very careful using other forms of birth control (and even the pill itself, though more of those are chalked up to negligence) get pregnant. Abstinence is the only foolproof method. Accidents do happen.
I was put on the pill right after my fourteenth birthday, due to another condition that was playing heck with my periods (I bled so much that I passed out on the living room floor). More than a decade later, I am still on the pill. I do wonder what effects it has had on my body–did I have less acne? Did I gain more weight? And other things. Overall, though, I do appreciate knowing exactly when the periods will start and stop.
I don’t have a daughter. (Well, my husband has 2, but they are only 10 and 12, and they don’t live with us.)
I have 2 sons. My oldest is 18 and has been dating the same girl, now 17, for 2 years.
When they began dating I called her mother to inquire about birth control, and I informed her that I had already given my son a box of condoms. She informed me that her daughter was going to begin getting Depo-Provera shots, which she did. Every 3 months my son accompanies her to the Doctor for her shot.
I had several talks with my son and his girlfriend about the importance of always using condoms, regardless of the birth control she uses. I obviously don’t know if they’re actually using them or not.
Considering that any daughters I might have will most likely inherit the hellish periods that run in my family, I’d be likely to encourage her to get on the pill as soon as possible. Nothing is worth the month horrorible pain I went through (and my mom, and my grandma) and when I discovered the pill, one of the worst things in my life just went away.
Not that we are ever inclined to spawn [i was fixed at the age of 21 lo! these many years ago so it would take an act of court to spawn] but we actually discussed it.
If we were to have the hypothetical msAruBabe at menarch she would go to my ob/gyn for her first pelvic, and the doctor would be given written permission from mrAru and I to dispense education, birth control, STD treatment and abortion as required without first having to deal with us, and that msAruBabe would be able to be certain of privacy between her had the doctor. She would also be provided with a couple cases of different types of condoms.
I dont see why kids today cant handle making decisions if treated with respect and educated thoroughly. Coming of age should not be filled with danger and fear.
Does your son assume responsibility for half the bill on the depo? Just curious. My friend’s daughter is on it and her boyfriend doesn’t contribute anything but sperm to the issue. My friend is pissed off to say the least.
He does indeed. I don’t blame your friend for being pissed off.
Three cheers for open, honest, forthright discussions between parents and their teens about contraception. I’ve seen far too many derailed hopes and dreams in my career from unplanned teen pregnancies. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that your kids aren’t having sex, and I come down squarely on the side holding that information about, and availability of birth control, does not promote promiscuity. And please, please don’t forget to talk about the risks of sexually transmitted infections, and safer sex practices including condom use ALL THE TIME.
Oral contraceptive pills (OCPs) do have a number of non-contraceptive benefits as well (reduction in menstrual flow/pain, decreased acne, decreased unwanted facial/chest hair are some). Of course there are risks as well that should be carefully considered (blood clots, stroke, etc.)
Although it does take some time after puberty ensues for the sexually mature levels of hormones to regulate themselves, there is no evidence that I am aware of that would indicate that it would not be safe to start hormonal contraception at any time after menstruation has begun, as long as there were not other medical conditions present that would make hormonal contraception unsafe (check with your doctor). Since the growth plates of long bones begin the process of fusing (and thus height arrest) under the influence of the sex hormones, and sex hormones are obviously present when a teen begins menstruating, it would be puberty, not OCPs that would result in growth cessation (and as long as she is already menstruating, I do not know of any evidence that would suggest that the presence of the synthetic hormones in OCPs make growth stop earlier).
You contend not one time in the history of the world has a girl decided to not have sex for fear of getting pregnant - and would decide to have sex if that fear were eradicated?
Actually, abstinence has a very lousy success rate. I have a close relative whose intention it definitely was to not have sex before marriage. She got caught up in emotion and sensation and ended up pregnant.
If you want to limit the discussion to the unveering, no-mistakes-made deployment of various methods of birth control, abstinence does of course look a lot better. But in real life my beforementioned female relative is quite typical of what happens when abstinence is selected as the method of choice.
Why not? I put myself on the pill at 18 and promptly didnt get laid for over a year. I did date at that time, and it was possible to date in the late 70s/very early 80s and not screw - and this was a timeframe where screwing was still considered fun and safe [herpes was the big scare and was known to be avoidable with rubbers.]
I spent several years from starting to be sexual active until 18 refusing ot get laid if the boyfriend didnt have a rubber. It isnt impossible - but then again I have refused to be pushed into something by peer pressure almost my entire life. And yes given the put out or get out argument I called a cab. The one attempted rapist had to go to the ER with a whopping huge chunk of collarbone area skin and meat removed. I bite hard.
When I was 16 I asked my mom to let me go on the pill. At first she refused, but once I held the"i’l get it at planned parenthood anyways" line on her, she relented. I had just gotten a serious boyfriend at that point, and I knew that… well… I would need the pills.
When I had a period pre-pills, a light one would only constitute an hour or so paying homage to the toilet god, and a bad one would find me passed out next to the toilet after paying homage for a good portion of the morning. SO not fun.
Anyways, after almost three months on the pill I finally had a go at it, then ended up waiting a good year before anything happened again.
Nope, I’m sure that there was one time. But, teens are not known for any caution in their behaviors when under the influence of emotion/hormones…
Knowledge is power, and the consequences of no knowledge about sex result in much human misery after the warm glow of orgasm has faded. Kids are having sex, all the time, whether parents know it or want to believe it (this is based on my professional observations with teens in my exam rooms, and in the labor and delivery suite). Equip them with the information that enables them to make the best judgement possible, however immature they may seem to be, because their bodies ARE mature.
My daughter is sixteen and I’ve given her the option, but she’s very shy when it comes to the opposite sex. Never been kissed and doesn’t really want to be yet.
We are very open and honest around here.
By the way, I was on the pill because mom insisted when I was fifteen. I got pregnant less than a year later. ( I was very good about taking it every day, not sure what went wrong.) I sometimes wonder if the pill isn’t giving our daughters a false sense of security.
Perhaps, but the stats indicate that the pill is one of the most effective means of preventing unwanted pregnancy, albeit not perfect. Without the pill, there would certainly be many more unwanted pregnancies, but simply advocating for the pill is not enough. When talking about contraception with your daughters (and sons), don’t stop the discussion after “so you (or your girlfriend) are on the pill, right”. The conversation should include the fact that contraceptive measures are not perfect and should include a frank discussion of “what will you do if you get pregnant anyway”.
Sex is a big deal, it has big consequences (emotional, health, future life opportunities, etc.), and I think the conversation you have with your teens about the decision to have sex should be factual, sensitive to the biologic inevitability that they will, most certainly, engage in sex at some point in their lives, and respectful of the need for teens to be given the opportunity to make choices. Speaking as a parent of two sexually mature teenagers, I want them to have all of the available information to make good choices, and even if I hope that they will carefully consider the magnitude of the decision to have sex with someone, I certainly don’t want anything to get in the way of their future if they make a less than optimal judgement (and having birth control can prevent a pregnancy from getting in the way of their future).
My mom never brought up birth control.
I was not on birth control the first three times I had sex. The second time, the condom broke, so I headed to the doctor’s office the next morning for a morning after pill. The third time, the condom broke (dunno what the hell type he had picked up, but apparently they were pretty bad. Or old), so I again went to the doctor’s office for the MAP, and she suggested I start some sort of birth control. So I did. I never told my mum.
Now, my sister is 15. Knowing that my father’s been hiding at his office, in his den at home, or in the tool shed for the past 10 years to avoid any aspect of his 3 daughters growing-up-stuff (of course he came to soccer games and have dinner with us and stuff, he just avoided any situation where he’d have to acknowledge we were, you know, female and potentially sexual beings), and that my mother takes a “LALALALALALA I’m ignoring the fact you’re stumbling home stinking of pot so I don’t have to deal with it” stance on that stuff, I thought I’d give little sis some of the advice I woulda wanted. At the beginning of the year, I took her out for lunch and gave her a whole spiel about how I didn’t condone underage drinking, and she’d probably do something very stupid and embarassing while drunk, because everyone does, but if she needed a boot or a place to sleep it off, she could call me anytime - I don’t want her hanging out around liquor stores with her friends and trying to get some skeevy old guy to buy booze for them. And I don’t want her crashing on some random person’s couch if she’s too drunk to go home. I also told her that anytime she wanted to start birth control, I’d drive her to the clinic, doctor’s office, whatever. And it would just be between us.
So, last month she called me and asked if I could take her to a clinic - “You know, just… uh… in case… I’m not doing anything but… in case… um…”. I warned her about the Ultimate Fertility of the women in our family, and to always double up with a backup method, because even when you’re on a birth control method that’s 99.9% effective, you could have sex just once in a 6-month period, using a condom as well, and end up pregnant. It, uh, happened to a family member.
Now, sis and I aren’t really that close, and the fact that she actually called me kinda implies to me she probably needs to be on birth control. Do I think she should be having sex? Of course not. She should wait til she’s 30. But she’s going to anyway, and at least I could help her be safer and better planned for everything.
If I ever had kids, I’d use some of the examples by the awesome parents in this thread to bring it up with my daughters.
Accutane, and they do a test every month before you get your new prescription. I’ve seen it work wonders for some kids, but the doctors are very strict about the birth control thing, and really recommend that you use a backup form of birth control. In fact, on the box, (of the generic, I believe) they show you diagrams of the possible birth defects. Scary stuff.
As far as the OP goes, I really don’t think it should be a blanket thing. If you have a conversation with her and she indicates that it’s something she’d be interested in doing, then I say go for it. But the idea that you want her on BC as soon as reproduction is possible kind of reeks of parental distrust.
-foxy
When I say “abstinence”, I mean “don’t get all jacked up and jiggy with your sweetie when you don’t have clothes on”… 
Yea, I think the same way as she. If she’s interested, then yea, let her have it.
Otherwise, it seems like a controlling, distrusting parent. Especially the “no matter her intentions toward sexual activity”. Just in case??? Who’s going to determine that? Why would you want a probably young girl, with no boyfriend, friends, relationships, nor menstrual problems, etc. to be on the pill? Heck, I’m an adult woman in no form of birth control because, frankly, I have no need for it.
I hope my relationship with (sometime in the future, perhaps) daughter will be open enough that if I ask her if she needs them, she’ll be truthful to me. I hope I can be perceptive enough to infer if she may need them, too.
Both of my daughters started taking BCPs when they were about 15 for horrible cramps. I had, of course, already told them that anytime they thought that was something they’d need, to go on down to the doctor and take care of it. They each told me as soon as the started taking them.
I also always told them to use a back-up method. For Giftmas 2003, I gave my daughters and my step-son condoms in their stockings, with stickers on them saying “No Grandma Til 40”. Unfortunately, my younger daughter was already pregnant–we think because she was on a course of antibotics for a while which caused BCP failure. Obviously, telling them to use multiple methods didn’t work out as I had planned. I did get an awesome grandson out of the deal.
Since I know my daughters started BCPs when they were around 15 and the one who did get pregant made it to 20! before getting pregnant–practically a record in my family–I think that having frank and open discussions about sex worked pretty well. Based on the eye rolling and “ah, moms” I got, they didn’t enjoy some of the conversations, but that part of being a parent.