John Ashcroft blessed our burg with a visit a few months ago, resulting in an increase in birth defects, toads raining from a clear sky, and a general shriveling of testicles throughout the state.
This past weekend we were truly dishonored to play host to Jerry Falwell, he of Teletubby fame. Seems ol’ Jer is the chancellor of Liberty College, and he was accompanying the basketball team to the Great Alaska Shootout tournament (where they bombed miserably). While here, he decided to speak at the local Baptist temple, a disturbingly well-attended event, wherein he regaled the audience with his version of Christian reality and right wing pseudo-politics.
As the flying monkeys wheeled above the temple, screeching wildly while dismembering small animals, children wept for no reason, plants shriveled and died within a three mile radius, the remaining open water in town froze over, and gay people cried out in their sleep. The dozen or so people in this city who are actually able to think for themselves marked this day on their calendars as the day the anti-Christ came to visit.
This guy is a scumbag. His resemblance to Ashcroft is no accident, as I believe they are evil twin progeny resulting from a union of J. Edgar Hoover and a leprous goat. Why he chose to come to Anchorage to spread his hate message is no mystery, of course. You go where the message will be warmly received, and brother, the God Squad is alive and well up here.
The fat cat that runs the local Baptist scam has properties all over town that pay nothing in property taxes; homes for his family members, friends, “ministers”, janitors, etc. He’s one of the worst of the parasitical scum that battens on the misery and delusion of others, taking whatever is given and giving back only enough to keep the congregation from rising up and flaying him alive in town square. He and Falwell are a perfect union, and the visit during this week of AIDS awareness is no coincidence, I’m sure.
I wish them both nothing but the worst of what life has to offer.
