You learn something new every day!
Does ‘On the Down Low’ ever refer to anything but a gay black man who is married and is having gay sex on the side? I thought it meant under the table, or off the books. The first time I heard the phrase ‘On the Down Low’ was from a teenager at a Christian outreach camp in the middle of Pennsylvania. Maybe the meaning was a little distorted by the time it got to her, huh?
Okay, then, what are some of the least obvious things that are “issues” to you particularly as a gay black man? The type of things that a gay white man such as myself (or any person of no-color, for that matter) might not register? What problems have you come across in gay situations that you’re fairly sure you wouldn’t have to deal with except as a gay black man?
IMO? Not much.
I think the black community, in general, tends to be excruciatingly conservative - at least socially and culturally. In Detroit there was a coalition of black pastors who attempted (and failed miserably) to rally their congregations to vote for Bush on the basis of “family values.” In my opinion, if Christianity did not persist after the Civil Right’s Movement in the black community, the community would be far better off today. Just my opinion though so please don’t take it as the gospel or something. 
Ok! With that said . . .
Many black gay men are ostracized by their families and ridiculed in the churches. The only way for black gays to attain a parody of a relationship with other similarly identifying men is to participate in clandestine (and, unfortunately, sometimes unprotected) acts of gratuitious sex. Because the black community does not approve of a loving relationship between two men, black gays are usually torn between a very religious upbringing and persistent feelings of “debauchery” that won’t go away. If the black community DID approve, or at least tolerated it, black LGBT’s would more apt to form open and stable relationships with one another.
In general, the black community is scared shitless (can I say “shitless” here?). It goes something like this:
Strike One: You have an explosion of married black women who are contracting HIV after having sex with their spouse.
Strike Two: Because black men, in general, are masculine uber alles, it is virtually impossible to “out” them.
Strike Three: Being “DL” is no longer a survival mechanism it has become an entire culture in itself.
After all, given the data, the black community already knows that gays will marry just to be accepted into the community. This leads to accusations against black men who don’t display the perfect paradigm of masculinity. I have friends, for example, who are convinced Star Jones’ husband is gay for no other reason than his diction.
As a Detroit citizen (I’m only in Ann Arbor for school) I can attest to the fact that STD prevention programs were non-existent during my school years; however, my gut cannot shake the feeling that the culture is, at least, 75-80% to blame for the rise of HIV.
I hope that answered your question. I think I rambled. 
First off, thanks for having this thread.
Secondly, a question about gayness, not blackness: What is a boi? I’ve seen this reference lately and have tried to pin down what it means. I did a websearch that said it was a lesbian reference that gay men have appropriated. But the site said that straight men and using the term now too. That doesn’t really tell me what it means. So, um, what is a boi?
Do you encounter racism in the gay community? Have you ever been a victim of gay bashing? Race-related hate crime?
I’ve only ever seen black gay men in interracial couples. Is the lack of black gay male relationships due to the previously mentioned lack of acceptance in the black community?
You said black gay men are ridiculed in the black community. Examples?
How long have you been out? How old were you when you realized you were gay? How did you know? I think I saw in another thread comments about newly out gay men embracing gay stereotypes in a big way (lisp, effeminate behaviour, etc.) Do you? In what ways do you act stereotypically black? In what ways do you act stereotypically gay?
Since the black community doesn’t seem very accepting of your sexual identity, do you find yourself associated with white people more (straight and gay)? Aside from the down low culture, is there a black gay subculture?
Once I started typing the questions, I kept thinking of more. Sorry if it is too much.
That’s a pretty subjective question. A knee-jerk reaction is to say that your family is probably more likely to accept you more than mine would, but again, that’s stereotyping.
The second question is a bit easier to answer. Most of the gay white men I’ve encountered have been extremely dismissive toward to me. In general, if you don’t wear the latest Abercrombie fashions or say “Girlfriend” after each phrase, gay white men simply dismiss you in the most nonchalant way possible. The white guys that to do talk to me don’t do so because I have something interesting to say, they do so only because they have a fetish for brown skin or think that I have a big penis.
The only example of racism from gay white men is when I received an Instant Message from a guy who said in response to me admitting that I was black"I’m sorry but I don’t do Coloreds." I would have chalked it up to personal preference if he hadn’t used the word “Colored”. Then again, maybe I’m overreacting?
It’s difficult to answer your question and maybe because there is very little difference. I’m certain if you’d receive similar treatment if you were to talk with black men. I’m also certain that you’d definitely find a black man who only wants to be with you because he has a fetish for Anglo-Saxon features. I’ve seen it and know that all of this is true.
So I guess I should probably say that no, I can’t really think of any differences.
I think in Ann Arbor the “look” is about wearing the latest fashions from Abercrombie. I’m an Old Navy kind of guy. I feel that I’ve been discriminated against from other gays because I don’t dress like them nor do I talk like them. On the other hand, this is very hard to quantify and is very subjective, I’m hesitant to confirm or deny either way. I CAN say that I have had other gays “want” me because I’m black. This is somewhat insulting as it indicates that I’m just a carnal instrument or fetish to soothe their arousal.
No unless its Nelly or Eminem
Maybe.
Thanks for starting this thread Honesty you’ve already confirmed a lot of what I thought as far as the conservativeness of the black community. I have a couple of questions:
Are you out, I mean to your family, were they accepting?
On the DL thing, why isn’t this discouraged by out black gay guys, is there some I don’t know maybe ‘honor’ in getting these guys, not you personlly but among the black gay community?
OK, you can tell me, I won;t tell anyone else.
Is the Black Accent a put-on? How can people from Michigan, California and Atlanta all have the same accent?
Well, see, that’s kind of the thing I was thinking about – how is a black gay guy thread going to be different from another gay guy thread, really? But we’ll find out. 
It seems to me as if there are layers of discrimination throughout the gay “community”: age, race, dick size, “masculinity”, “femininity”, purchasing power and so on. I’m interested in how they overlap, and how, bundled, they affect a kind of desirability quotient. You mentioned the dominating culture’s objectification of the black man, the big dick thing, particularly. That interests me because I’ve been trying to understand sexual objectification in gay culture. I have time to think about these things now that I’m old enough that I’m no longer subject to much objectification. :eek:
[There was a break here, when I spied a shiny object and had to go look at it. I hope this still fits into the thread at all. I’m going to sign out for tonight.]
Regarding another thing you mentioned, the black church, powerful force that it is…what’s your religious background and how does it affect you as an adult, and as a gay man?
So…Is it true what they say? Y’know…
Do you prefer black gay partners or white ?
Which do you usually “date” ?
Bangiadore, I grew up in a single-parent, very religious household. When I first came out there was a five-year struggle between my religion and my sexuality. I went from worshipping God all of the time, to being angry with Him, and finally not believing at all. This was all over a ten year period that started from 13. I’m 23 now.
So, I am very sad to report that I am hopelessly atheist. I try to believe but I just can’t. When I read the Bible and see men turning water into wine and resurrecting themselves from the thralls of death. The whole thing seems like a fairy tale, made-up, superstition. I’ve tried so hard (so, so, so hard!) to rationalize the belief of a supernatural being but I can’t without some sort of empirical evidence.
So in a nutshell, my religious background doesn’t affect me at all. I am in the minority though. Just to put this in perspective, out of around 100 black gay men I’ve conversed with, I have only seen one other person that also happened to be atheist. On the other hand, all of the gay white men I’ve talked to, 90% of them are completely agnostic or atheist.
I hope I answered your question.
In my very, very limited sexual experiences: Yes.
The black men I’ve seen have ranged from 8-10 inches. The white men are usually around 6-8. The Asian guy I’ve seen was roughly 4 inches (Maybe 4 and a half?). Keep in mind that I’ve only seen about 8 or so penises in my lifetime so I doubt my “results” are consistent across 6 billion people.
I note the order in which you identified yourself in the thread title: Black(1) Gay(2). When I first read it, it didn’t sound ‘right’. Though there are exceptions to the rule, I usually hear it as:
Gay __________ Insert Race/Religion/National Identity ‘Here’ __________.
I am ever-so-slightly attracted more to black men or those of Indian descent but this is more of a physical thing. This is a negligible preference, I really am an Equal Opportunity Lover. 
Dating wise? I’m not sure, I’ve only been out on one date in my life. When I try to imagine the future, I picture myself with an educated, agnostic white guy. I slave over this all of the time: why do I picture myself with a white guy rather than a black one? I think because I desire relationship in which I’m living with a partner, where we share a bank account, plan trips and vacations, have seperate cars and all of that jazz. Given my experiences it seems improbable to me this in a black guy.
P.S. As I reread this, I thinking I shouldn’t submit it, but oh well.
Hmm, I don’t think it was a conscious decision on my part and I certainly didn’t mean to infer anything by it.
Why improbable ? (I seem to perceive that US blacks have a problem with getting out of the closet more so than whites… )
This just made me wonder about something…just how much larger (or smaller) are people of various races, comparatively speaking? For example, if black men are, on the average, 15% taller and heavier than white men, then it would make sense that their penises are larger.