Ask a Man

If you ever get the chance, observe a couple of guys that have just successfully rebuilt a Pontiac 455 HO and are about to take a classic GTO for its first test drive. A broad range of non-rage related emotions will be prominently displayed.

I have wondered, and I don’t really get it. It’s ok that people are different, and Thank God for it, but I don’t get it.
I realize these are brooooaaaaadd generalizations. I don’t need to hear about how you know this one woman who is different.

I don’t get:

The obsession with beauty, and especially purses and shoes. Especially the shoes.

The fear of anything just a little unusual, like spiders or non-poisonous snakes.

But what I really, deep down, don’t get, is the attraction to men. God bless you for it, and good on you and all that, and it’s only natural, but that’s the one thing I really can’t get myself to imagine. Once in a while I get kind of an echo of what it might be about (“I bet David Lee Roth in the 80s got all kinds of tail, just look at him”), but that’s about it. I know pretty girls dating guys whom I wouldn’t look at even once, not even to size up for my cousin.

Those bastids.

I once hit a fender at about 2 mph, and because the wife of the couple took it in, she got some cock and bull story about how the axle was damaged, etc, to the tune of $1400 in 1993. Total baloney. I asked her to try another place, and it was $400. The lesson here, unfortunately, is: women, if you actually don’t know about cars, please take a male friend with you to the mechanic, just to scare him, even if your friend believes there are muffler bearings.

I have the impression that men are far more willing to put up with bullshit from women than women are to put up with bullshit from men. Do you agree? If so, what do you think is the reason for this? My flippant answer is sex, but personally, sex is the last thing I want with a guy who’s been inconsiderate, immature, manipulative, lazy, etc.

My experience with this was finding out that when my gf asked me to take out the trash (it was really HER trash, it was her place, it was her stuff, I was only visiting), she really meant “take it in the next 15 minutes.” I don’t know how it suddenly needed to be taken out so quickly, as it had been there for 4 days, but if I didn’t act like it was a total personal priority, she would take it out herself and act like I was totally delinquent. I honestly don’t understand that.

If you’re bringing the water.

In some ways, different ways than women at least, we probably are pretty insensitive. As in, developed an emotional callous in some places. As in, horse hide truly is tough stuff, and the horse may feel the gentle slap, but he truly won’t feel it much. Got to remember, though, that there are parts of the horse that are pretty sensitive.

Couldn’t tell you which sex puts up with more bullshit.

No, that’s just you.

Remember in the OP about how I said that men lie, well, this is one of those times.

1 My dad didn’t have to do any housework. It’s an inherited trait.

2 We said we would do it. You basically called us a liar when you took it out. We would have taken it out when we finished that level. Besides, the garbage man isn’t coming until tomorrow morning.

3 Only when I’m masturbating.

If they belonged to a fraternity, probably.

Men sweat much more than you think, and ass sweat is a major problem. Heck, in the summer, the bills in my wallet can be damp. So any little bit of residue can become a skid mark with enough sweat.

Would it bother you if I just sat and watched and brought you iced tea after a few hours?

Not all men have skid marks. Or are you saying I don’t sweat enough? :dubious:

Cite. How can we know if you’re the expert without proper credentials? :stuck_out_tongue:

Well mine hangs down to just past my right knee.
Well it does hang to the right. It gets flipped if we are making out and I’m sporting a tremendous boner. But hanging down is the usual direction.

Humm…
Well the scrotum, or ball sack, is, is, is like a bean bag chair. Except instead of thousands of little beans, there are two rather large ones with plenty of free space. So the loose are kind of moves around like the blob. I tend to wear boxer/briefs. These are snug enough to give me support so my package will remain fairly safe.

That is a little odd. It is probably one of the following.
He is worried that he is getting a huge boner and that you may faint.
He is trying to draw attention to your penis, as he wants you pay a lot of attention to it.
He is three years old.

It is one of the better things about being a guy, although there are limits and a person may fall into the ‘hold a grudge against’ territory.

You can’t do it because we know you can’t do it. We would have to know you pretty well, like a sister. See, when I give shit to a guy friend, I’m also giving permission to give me an equal ammount of shit. Guys are very versed on shit giving and shit exchange rates. The ammount of shit one gives to a guy about his loser girlfriend would not appear, to a woman, as the same ammount you can give a guy over his favortie sports team losing. But I, a man, could give my friend shit about his team, say 10 vicisous insults, and he would know that he could give me two insults about my GF. Women don’t know the shit exchange rates so when you decide to join in the game, we have to either pull our punches or risk that we’ll never see your boobies again.

It’s all true. You should watch a John Wayne, a true man and one I’ll wager you don’t think has feelings, move called The Searchers. See his anguish, see his rage, his absoulte feelings of moral duty to his family. Not even his kids, his brother’s kids. Or, look at how devoted Kahn is to his wife in Star Trek II. Or Anthony Hopkins in The Remains of the Day. He has deep, passionet emotions. You just have to look hard.

And when a man bonds to a person, really bonds, well, like the song says, you can’t start it like a car, you can’t stop it with a gun.

It’s your HAIR! It stick up in our face and its like walking through spiderwebs.
Wear a hat and we’ll cuddle.

well having a poor diet helps,

and dark colored shorts help hide it.

He’s quoting Warren Zevon, what more do you want?

Well you don’t have your email in your profile so I can’t send you this photo. Guess I’ll just delete it.

Darn! All I needed was an e-mail address in my profile?
I checked out your profile and it looks like you’re a photographer, so I’d better be careful of what I wish for. :stuck_out_tongue:
But the fact that you responded to my post convinces me that you’re male. Continue on. :cool:

Most guys appreciate fine craftsmanship, although it takes many different forms. I don’t know or care that much about cars, but set me loose at Fry’s Electronics and I’ll build you a killer gaming computer to take to your next LAN party. Other things that guys dig:

[ul]
[li]a blistering guitar solo[/li][li]a well executed football play (a sloppy play with a favorable outcome is often met with, “Eh, I’ll take it.”)[/li][li]a custom tailored suit[/li][li]a fine steak or rack of ribs (the concept is simple, but there are many fine nuances to be mastered)[/li][li]art that knocks you flat on your ass with its sheer awesomeness (Could be Guernica, could be a graffiti mural on the side of a building, could be an fan video of guys having a lightsaber duel on YouTube)[/li][li]giant robots[/li][li]an elegant algorithm[/li][/ul]