Ask a Man

[Maastricht]

Deep down in your heart, who do you feel needs the other sex more; men or women?

[fessie]

@Zebra

I’m not sure but boobies just feel like home. Like a Norman Rockwell painting. When I can touch boobies I feel like I am where I’m supposed to be in the universe. It is like Boobies are the monolith from 2001. Men are alternately the man-apes or the space suited modern men. Either way, when we touch them, we feel connected, on a spiritual level with God/The Universe. I become one with everything, achieve nirvana, bowl 300, hear Ode to Joy, feel cleansed of all impurities. Boobies complete me.

ROFLMAO! OMG!

I have never understood it, either. Thanks for clarifying.

My 3-yr-old son has managed to walk in on me while I was dressing a couple of times, and he just immediately puts his hands up in the air trying to grab me, big 'ol grin on his face. “Back! Back! Get back, kid!”
You guys are hysterical.

[Zebra]

@Maastricht

Deep down in your heart, who do you feel needs the other sex more; men or women?

Both, and neither.

As you well know there are different kinds of sex, problems arise when one partner needs one kind of sex while the other needs a different kind of sex. But everybody needs to be laid, exactly 7,863 times in their life.

[eleanorigby]

sturmhauke-you forgot anything that goes really fast and breaks records. If the race is between turtels, then by God, the faster of the turtles is lauded and its praises sung (and the male owner is imbued with all sort of um, larger characteristics).
This has been a very helpful thread. I feel I understand (some) men better.

Where do all the men who don’t fit into these descriptions fall*? (the opera critic, the gourmet chef, the veterinarian, the news anchor-the ones without the sports/macho/cars/rock and roll meme). And how do you relate to them?
*I don’t mean gay men-I think that might be advanced studies.

[Zebra]

@eleanorigby

sturmhauke-you forgot anything that goes really fast and breaks records. If the race is between turtels, then by God, the faster of the turtles is lauded and its praises sung (and the male owner is imbued with all sort of um, larger characteristics).
This has been a very helpful thread. I feel I understand (some) men better.

Where do all the men who don’t fit into these descriptions fall*? (the opera critic, the gourmet chef, the veterinarian, the news anchor-the ones without the sports/macho/cars/rock and roll meme). And how do you relate to them?
*I don’t mean gay men-I think that might be advanced studies.

Believe it or not, I don’t follow sports and I don’t even own a car and I have willingly gone to the opera.

So, you want to rephrase your question?

[AHunter3]

@Zebra

If we do imagine [being a woman], we imagine being pretty girls, wearing short skirts and lots of pink, with dark red lipstick and a nice but subtle smokey eye with our lashes extened out to impossible legnths. Low but very strappy heels with a darling little clutch with rhienstones.

But not often.

OK, I just came in to browse, but this is all wrong. When I imagine being female I imagine I’d be dressing and getting made up the same way I do as a male: jeans, t-shirt, sneakers, brush the hair straight back after it air-drys, no goop on the face… a snug bra, perhaps a sports bra? I guess I would make a very boring transvestite.

I’d like to try it out for a few months at a time. Get some plot development going, etc.

[AHunter3]

@tdn

When I see boobies I really like, I want to to applaud and say “Well done! You, ma’am, have extraordinary talent!”

Gotta admire a woman with the fortitude to stick it out get herself a Ph. D. in nice boobies.

How totally well put. For me it’s not breastworks but the general torso shape (especially waist & hips, especially as viewed from the front in tight jeans), but yeah, absolutely, my brain interprets what I see as if she was “doing it on purpose”. Being female like that. What an incredibly fantastic idea, and she does it so well.

[AHunter3]

@Purplkid_Caterer

Dear man,

I like to cuddle. On the couch, in bed, etc. Why don’t you like to cuddle?

Sincerely,

PKC

Ahem

[dublos]

@ZipperJJ

What’s with the fascination with boobies?

I’ve always liked the evolutionary history kind of “why would we have evolved these parts” explanation.

@Book "We Few"

Kosutic shrugged. “Understanding the real why of people makes it much easier. Take boobs.”
“Please!” Despreaux said.
“Agreed.” Kosutic smiled. “Chimps don’t have them. Humans are, in fact, the only terrestrial animal with truly pronounced mammary glands. Look at a cow—those impressive udders are almost all functional, milk producing plumbing. Tits? Ha! Their . . . visual cue aspect, shall we say, has nothing to do with milk production per se. That means there’s some other reason for them in our evolutionary history, and one theory is that they developed purely to keep the male around. Human females don’t show signs of their fertility, and human children take a long time, relatively speaking, to reach maturity. Having a male around all the time helped early human and prehuman females with raising the children. The males probably brought in some food, but their primary purpose was defending territory so that there was food to be brought in. In addition, human females are also one of the few species to orgasm—”
“If we’re lucky,” Despreaux observed.
“You want to hear this, or not?”
“Sorry. Go ahead.”
“So, that was a reason for the female to not be too upset when the male was always having a good time with her. And it was another reason for men to stick around. Tits were a visual sign that said: ‘Screw me and stick around and defend this territory.’ Can’t be proven, of course, but it fits with all the reactions males have to them.”

This does of course not explain why men are so fascinated with them or link breasts to “please screw me” but I’m guessing that comes from an earlier instance of the species who’s breasts would become bigger when the female was “in season” per say. Then once male attention was fixated on “Big breasts means I get laid”, the first female who mutated to always have visually appealing breasts had a big survival advantage.

(And yes, this could be complete and utter crap as I have seen no serious scientific study to back this up.)

[Bobotheoptimist]

@eleanorigby

Where do all the men who don’t fit into these descriptions fall*? (the opera critic, the gourmet chef, the veterinarian, the news anchor-the ones without the sports/macho/cars/rock and roll meme). And how do you relate to them?

We’re not that one-dimensional, most of those guys would be treated better than your average computer geek. The thing is, if that’s all they are, then they aren’t going to relate to me any better than I relate to them. But if the opera critic is a homebrewer in his spare time, or the chef isn’t above providing kick-ass wings for a party, or the news anchor has some raunchy stories about someone, hell - they’re just doing a job. (Veterinarians are cool, as far as I know)

But I don’t want to go drinking with someone that’s going to talk about nothing but opera just like I don’t want to hear a play-by-play description of the Lions game.

I test fibre-channel products for a living, and I’m sure no one wants to hear about the bug I found in the latest management software while we’re at the bar. That’d be even more boring than a shot-by-shot description of my most recent Service Rifle match.

Dude’s that are focused on only one thing (sports, opera, cars, what have you) bore me.

[Baron_Greenback]

@Hockey Monkey

Are guys intimidated by a woman who can wield a power tool with authority?

Not at all. (SFW, but contains bikinis, belt sanders, jackhammers and a fair amount of jiggling)

lowers tone of thread

[Sage_Rat]

@askeptic

Are you black with white stripes or white with black stripes?

Best evidence seems to be that zebras are black with white stripes.

1. If you shave them, they are black
2. Horses (which are related to zebra) will occasionally have faint stripes, but only if the horse is very dark in color, never light.
3. Occasionally, zebra will be born with spots instead of stripes, and it is white spots on a black background in these cases.

[Maastricht]

@Zebra

Both, and neither.As you well know there are different kinds of sex, problems arise when one partner needs one kind of sex while the other needs a different kind of sex.

Sigh. Trust a man to misread that.
I didn’t ask which sex needed sex more; I asked which sex needed the other more. So, in your male opinion, who would be more lost; men without women or women without men?

[Zebra]

@Maastricht

Sigh. Trust a man to misread that.
I didn’t ask which sex needed sex more; I asked which sex needed the other more. So, in your male opinion, who would be more lost; men without women or women without men?

Well let’s see. I don’t have a woman in my life right now, and I haven’t for a few years and I’m just fine. Yep, totally fine, no problems here. Happy happy happy. Say, did that guy how built and used his one guillotine put the design online? Happy as a pig in shit. So it must be women who need men more.

Really, come on. We need each other. We both know it. We both resent the fact that we do. Now can we both admit it?

[eleanorigby]

@Zebra

Believe it or not, I don’t follow sports and I don’t even own a car and I have willingly gone to the opera.

So, you want to rephrase your question?

No, but I want to spell turtles correctly! :smack:
What I was trying to get at was those men who don’t seem so guy-guy. Who couldn’t care less who won the football game, who maybe even don’t like beer (or don’t drink at all) etc. Do you speak for them as well? Duly noted, bob–I’d be bored, too!
Because if so, I think we have a new guru! Let the drum banging commence. *

*intended as humor, not as slam against the above mentioned men. This PC stuff is hard!

[Zebra]

I speak for all men.

But no drum banging, I ain’t go no rhythm.

[eleanorigby]

@Zebra

I speak for all men.

But no drum banging, I ain’t go no rhythm.

Crotch scratching? Belching? high fives? Snagging best table on a Saturday night and is served by the maitre de?

<rummages around brain desperately for classic male behavior; can’t find any; realizes all the men she knows are either Neanderthals or metrosexuals; faints>

[Zebra]

How about slot car racing?

[Robot_Arm]

@askeptic

Are you black with white stripes or white with black stripes?

And how fast would you have to run to look gray?

[cmkeller]

How many roads did you have to walk down before you could be called a man?