Bob,
If God is omnipotent, can he make a rock so big even he can’t lift it?
The Canterbury Tales was written in 14th Middle English. The King James Bible is written in archaic 17th century Modern English, and THAT is the language of CHRIST!
And NO, they do not have the same author, The Canterbury Tales was written by a MAN*. The Bible (KJV ONLY!) was written by JESUS CHRIST!
There’s no red hot pokers in the Bible but there’s lots of dirty stuff. Here’s a nice bit for you.
Jesus is mad because He DIED for your sins! You better accept his LOVE or you’re in big, big trouble!
So, Bob… do you take it up the butt?
I am not related to the infidel Dobbs, but it is true that John Waters is my twin.
Michael Jackson is a Jehova’s Witness! Michael will have no hope for redemption until he renounces his false religion! God used to like Michael Jackson in the 80’s. God played Thriller all the time on His Heavenly eight track. God really dig Eddie Van Halen’s guitar solo on “Beat It.” God wanted to learn how to moonwalk but He could never get it down!
God doesn’t like Michael Jackson anymore. Now God thinks he’s a fruit loop.
I would also like to hear the answer to OpalCat’s question in 5.1 sound…
Is there sex in Heaven? If not, why not? And what, exactly, is meant by the Bible verse which says, “He cometh in the hour man knoweth not.”?
Why should I want to go to Heaven, if its peopled by your likes ?
Please, don’t put mustard on God’s love! Mustard burns. Whipped cream is fine-- or peanut butter.
As long as you check the little “yes” box in the corner you will be forgiven for eating the death cookie-- But there is NO forgiveness for participating in HALLOWEEN! Halloween is Satan’s birthday! Will you want to hang out with witches when they are burning forever in God’s lake of fire? Look at what Jesus says about witches:
Exodus 22:18
Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.
God’s word is not a suggestion! You have no excuse! Jesus Christ commands you to kill your Wiccan friends!
Because Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came to Earth and died on the cross FOR YOU! You may think that Chick Heaven is full of idiots, but believe you me, it’s better than BURNING FOREVER in an eternal lake of fire with Satan and his demons!
Plus they have this really good chile place on Golden Street, just past Pearly gate Drive. Best chile ever!
Not only can he make it, he can lift it!
What are you talking about? What have you heard? I have a girlfriend you know, Jack drew one for me. Did someone see me in that Tom of Finland book? I was just trying to save their immortal souls-- I was undercover, I had to go along with their perversions so that I could gain their trust. it’s not my fault that Satan’s artist can draw such alluring, well proportioned men! I was a victim! A victim I tell you!
There is sex in Heaven, just not any good sex. As to the verse that you quoted, well, God’s not as young as He used to be. Sometimes it takes a little while.
So, you’re saying that God comes with men??? Does that mean God’s gay or at least bi? Also, isn’t Jesus technically a bastard, since God never married Mary?
How dare you pervert God’s word! The verse only says that man does not know the TIME of God’s coming! God is as straight as an ARROW, thank you very much.
God actually DID marry Mary, they just kept it really quiet, a quickie wedding in Vegas and all that. It only lasted a couple of days. It was a mistake, they were drunk, they don’t like to talk about it much. Joseph doesn’t even know about it.
Tell us some of your more embarrassing moments.
God gets drunk?? Why?
Dear Bob,
Thank you for this scriptural passage. It will replace this as my, ah, bedtime reading material.
I have a question, though.
You said “KJV only” and yet you quoted the NIV. It is my understanding that the KJV was written by JESUS and the heathen NIV was written by SATAN. Why are you quoting SATAN?
May love prevail and sinners burn in flames of eternal torment,
jovan
Well, the platypus was kind of embarrassing, God created that right after He created cannabis…that and Michael Jackson, he really fell asleep at the wheel on Michael Jackson.
Were you there when God created the universe? Did you set the stars in the sky? Did you lay the foundations of the Earth? Who are you to question God’s drinking habits. God can handle his liquor just fine. God can chug a fifth of Jack, I’ve seen it! Sometimes God just needs to unwind a little bit. He’s got a lot of stress.
Yes, the Song of Solomon very good stuff! God’s very proud of that one. He’s thinking of writing a letter to the Penthouse forum now. He never used to believe those letters were true, but he had an experience last month which changed his mind.
As to the NIV/KJV contradiction, the answer is easy. The default version at Biblegateway.com is the NIV because of Satan’s influence. Satan caused me to forget to scroll the little selector window down to KJV before I pasted the link. The NIV’s funnier anyway. KJV sanitizes it.
Dear Bob
Did Jesus and the disciples hand out your tracts in Galilee?
Signed,
Curious in the Quantum Plenum
Dear Curious,
They didn’t need tracts because they had Jesus Christ who is the Son of God. Once Jesus had told them His message those Jews in Galilee had NO WAY OUT! they had been warned by GOD HIMSELF that they must repent and ask Christ for forgiveness!
However, look at John 8:7,8:
[quote]
7But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
What do you think that Jesus was writing and drawing on the ground? He was drawing a CHICK TRACT, THAT’S WHAT! For He knew that when He was gone, His disciples must have a way to spread the true message of Christ to th Jews and the Pagans so that they would have NO EXCUSE not to accept His love!
WHEN WILL ANY OF YOU GET IT?!
Bob is an imposter! He works for B. Gates. Don’t any of you remember “Microsoft Bob”?
Don’t be fooled. The real God can be found the same way the Mormons and L. Ron Hubbard found faith. Benevolent space aliens.
Xeno is Satan