Umm, Satan is Xeno?
Why do you only do chick tracts? Aren’t you interested in saving real men? Maybe you should also do some tracts with fart jokes or where you blow up a lot of stuff.
And what about chick heaven.? Is this something like dog heaven or rock-and-roll heaven?
Good point Truth!
We want a guy heaven! It would have women in it that think we are HOT! and there would be fast cars and fast boats and fast women and fast airplanes! There would be tropical islands where we would have everything we want. Like, fast BBQ’s too! and we wouldn’t have to shave!, either the damn wiskers wouldn’t grow or they’d grow to where we want and stop, and the women would think our noises and scratching stuff is sexy!
and there would be fish to catch. Big fish! Like tuna. fishing…
You mock the name of Chick! Let’s see if you mock us when you are burning in fire and you are begging for a Pepsi and Jesus will not give you even a sip!
Chick tracts ARE for real men! Men who are man enough to embrace JESUS CHRIST! Maybe you haven’t noticed but we include lots and lots of FIRE in our tracts. That should hook the men. Men like fire! Fire is cool!
Chick Heaven is not a heaven for dogs or for junkie Satanic “rock and roll” musicians like Justin Timberlake and Garth Brooks. Chick Heaven is the one true heaven created by God who is JESUS CHRIST! God has allowed His chosen cartoonist Jack Chick to draw Heaven in all it’s splendor so that no one who reads Chick’s tracts will be able to refuse its allure. Who could turn away from the eternal sight of JESUS CHRIST on his giant toilet…I mean throne?
[Diogenes voice]This description of Heaven sounds like an eternal GTA: Vice City, but perhaps without the cops?[/Diogenes voice]
Dear Bob,
Will the SDMB Mods automatically get into Heaven for banning Satan?
Banning Satan is not enough! They must ban all ant-Christian user names! Diogenes was a Pagan philosopher who worshipped the false god of Greece, he must go too! Darwin’s Finch, of course, is completely unacceptable as well. The mods must also ban all atheists, agnostics, Catholics, Jews, pgans, witches, homosexuals, Mormons, Jehova’s Witnesses, Muslims (and their Moon God), Buddhists, Hindus, rock muscicians, any one who engages in role playing games, has extramarital sex, masturbates or voted for Clinton!
The only one left will be His4Ever, and even THEN, the mods must still accept JESUS CHRIST as their only lord and saviour!
Bob -
What about Betty Bowers? Is it possible for a mere WOMAN to be ‘America’s Best Christian’ as she claims on her website? Is she a better Christian than you? Are you two dating?
Betty is a good, upright, true Christian white woman, but really she she can only claim to be the best woman Christian in the world. She has not saved nearly as many sinners as I have! She has not carpeted the world with the Living Word of GOD as I have! She is an imposter who believes that she is too good to go out with me, even though I offered her two hundred Chick tracts as a gift!
Stuck up bitch!
Actually, just to clarify, by some quirky technicality I’ll be left too. However, I’ll either get kicked out because my name’s not explicitly Christian or it’ll get so boring here that I’ll just leave of my own volition. (No offense meant to His4ever or the mods, but I like having more people here than just that.)
It’s in the Bible, Jesus drank wine. 
In addition, people need to read more Betty Bowers and Landover Baptist, in my opinion.
Dear Bob,
What if I don’t want eternal life?
Too bad! God, who is Jesus Christ made your soul immortal! Your only choice is to choose Jesus Christ or to reject Him! If you reject God’s love you will burn in eternal hellfire. If you accept Jesus Christ as your Saviour, you will spend eternal life in Heaven whether you like it or not!
Bob,
Are there any gay clubs in heaven?
With all that celestial light, how will I find the pride flags?
Can I share a cloud with my boyfriend?
Do you sell Astroglide?
Are you a top or a bottom?
So? God also said “THOU SHALT NOT KILL.” if you kill a wiccan, You Break another law of god. HA!
So? God also said “THOU SHALT NOT KILL.” if you kill a wiccan, You Break another law of god. HA!:wally
But if God is omnipotent, He can destroy him, if he doesn’t want to live forever.
WHAT??!! Jesus was the Son of God?! I’ve never heard that before! I’m converting right now!
Just not Bob or Chick’s version.
Allahu Akbar
Martin
There are no homosexuals in Heaven! Jesus hates homosexuality big time! There is nothing more disgusting to Jesus Christ than two young, nude, hardbodied males rubbing each other down with baby oil, touching each other’s manhood’s, engaging in all manner of vile and unnatural sodomy…excuse me, I must step into the restroom for a moment.