Do you bite your thumb, sir?
What do you have to say to the latest media report that claims you are slipping in the Public Approval polls?
Nope.
What does Michael Ellis have for breakfast?
Coffee and a bagel, usually.
Did Michael Ellis, in fact, have sexual relations with that woman, and were there any cigars involved?
…and if there was, did she inhale?
(sorry couldn’t resist)
No. I’m a virgin.
Have you ever stolen anything from a hotel room?
Not from a hotel room, no.
Was that pithy saying “no man is an ellis island” coined with you in mind?
I don’t think so.
Will you be running to be re-elected as Michael Ellis in 2004? If so, how do you rate your chances?
If you were me, would I want to be you?
Could you please answer that question in a non non-negative fashion?
Who the fuck are you? 
(seriously)
Can you comment on the rumor that Alanis Morisette’s song “You Oughta Know” is about you?
Are you an anarchist reactionary running dog revisionist?
Do you feel you are a role model? Do you feel you have a responsibility to represent all Michael Ellises in your everyday dealings with others?
Did you know that your name is an anagram for SMELL ICE HAIL?
Yes I will. I think my chances are better than 50/50.
I am who I am.
Maybe.
Since I’ve never met Alanis Morisette, I doubt that this rumor is true.
No.
Nope. I am my own Michael Ellis.
[Ed McMahon] I did not know that. [/Ed McMahon]