Ask the Angry guy!

The BBQ Pit
21

Man, I am glad you brought that up…

Long winded people make me want to to puke.
I hate getting a message that’s about 4 and half hours long, and it’s not even about anything! Ramble ramble ramble, get to the fucking point!
Worse is when you are actually talking to them, and it’s like your girlfriend’s mom and you can’t tell her to shit or get off the pot. You just have to sit there like “uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah, oh?, no!, wow, uh-huh, uh-huh, hmmm…” and so on and so on.

And another thing!

Whatever happened to decency? I recently purchased 4 MCSE study guides. They came in a package and were only just released aobut a month ago. They cost me about 190 bones of my hard earned cash. These are 4 books, big thick ass tomes so that I can learn about networking and shit like that. They were on my desk at work, which I share with another guy who works the day shift.
Things can get pretty slow around a call center at 11:30 most summer nights, so I study, and leave my books here.

I came in today and their fuckin’ gone! Stolen! Some punk-ass hairpiece wearin’ book-worm pasty pale sneakin’ motherfucker stole my my books. HR sent out an e-mail asking to return them, and I wanted them to add “because if you don’t, and Santi finds out who you are, he’s gonna take his fuckin’ time with you. What kind of sniveling pussy are you, you have to steal someone’s books?” but they said that would be an HR issue in and of itself.

Fuckin’ pansy. Pussy. Dickhead. Douchebag.
Book stealin’ bitch.

If I ever find you, kiss your ass goodbye. God be with you cause medical science won’t catch up to what I’m gonna do for at least 500 years. Punk.

And one last thing:

Guns are for pussies.

Well, not really. I like guns as much as the next man. I even a own a few. But I don’t take them out with me everywhere I go because I am afraid someone will kick my ass otherwise. I don’t pull a gun on someone if they can kick my ass, I just don’t fuck with them. What is it these days that everyone is a fuckin’ cowboy, and thinks that just cause they have a gun they can shit on everybody? The next time some skinny little punk pulls a gun on me, I’m probably gonna get shot, cause I really think I’ll lose it.

Just the other night in Denver, I was like 10 feet from this asshole who was talking shit to me in a parking structure because I guess I bumped him in the crowd. Whatever, I just ignore him. My girlfried is scared and so am I, so that makes me pissed. Then he lifts up his shirt and shows me his biscuit in his waist band. I just walked up and socked his stupid ass before he could even think about skinnin’ it and smokin’ me. I then took his piece and pistol whipped him til he was unconscious for scaring my girlfried. Then we called the police, and it turn’s out he had a warrant, and that the gun was stolen, and he got his ass hauled off to jail. Stupid shmuck. I hope whoever’s bitch he is happens to be hung like a donkey.

There is so much shit that happens in this world, some of it to me.
What the fuck? All I wanna do is live.

I want to be able to go out with my girlfriend and have a good time, without having to worry about getting shot because I bumped some asshole.

I want to leave some of my things on my desk at work without thinking that some depraved shitforbrains is gonna steal it.

I want to be able to have an answering machine with less than 4 hours of memory in it.

Is any of this too much to ask?

I charge you, decent people of the world: UNITE!
Don’t take this shit any more! If it sucks, speak out, and loudly.

Fuck all that speak softly and carry a big stick shit. I say be heard and carry a big stick as well.

22

I shall never speak ill of you again, Lex. I fear you. :slight_smile:

A few of my own:

  1. This is computer HARDWARE. If you want to see if the newest edition of “Bass Fishin’” or Aol 5.0 is in stock, move your fetid little finger over and push the button for fucking computer SOFTWARE, you worthless pile of shit.

  2. This is computer HARDWARE. If you want your fucking 286 fixed, you need to talk to computer REPAIR. Don’t get fucking mouthy with me when I transfer you, dick.

  3. This is computer HARDWARE. We don’t sell fucking phones in this department. We don’t sell fucking Palm VIIs, and we don’t sell Cassiopeias or Visors. If you want a fucking useless show off toy, you want to speak with CELL PHONES/PALM PCS/SATILLITE, you bastardized useless FUCK.

  4. We have a fucking phone system to connect you to the right fucking department. LISTEN TO IT, you ass fucking mongrel. DO NOT say “I just hit some buttons because I wanted to talk to a person” and then launch into a fucking diatribe about your new DVD player not working before I have a chance to speak. I fucking sell computers. Not DVD players. Yeah, I know why it’s not working, but I’m not going to TELL YOU, because it’s NOT MY JOB. It’s HIS job, and I’ll let HIM do it. I don’t expect HIM to sell MY computers, now do I? Asshole.

–Tim

23

Oh yeah, Santi I know exactly where you’re coming from! I once got a very nice pen stolen from me at work. I know it was someone in the general area. I always keep a stack of coins on my desk at night so I can make sure the cleaning crews are honest-they were.

So some fucker that I work with decided a punk like me shouldn’t walk around with a Montblanc pen, so he decided to keister it for later use!

Oh, and what’s up with the MCSE program? They decided that win2K is to be their next standard? The fucks decided to start a new MCSE cert track and it’s win2k.

So now, instead of simply taking the 4 tests required for NT4 and such, I need to take an extra fucking test for win2K! FUcking Bill Gates!

You don’t HAVE to take the NT4 track to get MCSE certs, and you don’t HAVE to take the WIn2K advanced test for MCSE. But, to be wantable by employers you HAVE to have NT4 experience, and soon, you’ll HAVE to have WIn2K experience.

Goat feltching mouthbreathing punks.

-Sam

24

Oh, and Santi…We NEED to meet in the next few months man. It would kick ass to chill with you, really.

-Sam

25

Ooohh… people stealing shit off my desk just works me into a frenzy. People will leave me books to read, or press releases to glance at, or promotional CDs, but half the time I don’t get them because one of the goddamn interns has sticky fingers. Little bastards. When I find out which one of them it is, I’m gonna plant 'em in a shallow grave. Can’t even listen to music anymore at the desk. Why? Cause some broke assed motherfucker will swipe the CD player.

26

Lex, I love you. Will you marry me? I’ll share you with Kellibelli, honest.

35.) It’s the fucking Internet. It took 25 years and more to develop. It’s a concatenation of several areas of complex technology. It’s not prize from your crackerjack. Read a book, take a class. I am not here to teach you how to write scripts, design web pages, or run an ecommerce site. I am here to troubleshoot. Yes, it’s complex. If you want simple, stick to paint by numbers. Stop whining to me just because you’re atrophied little brainstem can’t pick it up.

36.) I don’t care how much fucking money you laid out, InterNIC isn’t going to have your domain name in the DNS servers for two to six days depending on their mood, and NO it’s NOT my fucking fault.

37.) I still don’t care how much fucking money you laid out. We’re renting you space on our servers, DNS maintenance, and access to cgi scripts and a few other goodies. You haven’t paid for website design, search engine registration, and personal handjobs. I don’t care what the fucking salesperson told you.

38.) No, my breasts do not interfere with my technical abilities. Neither does my X chromosome or my vagina. I’m a woman and I can troubleshoot your problem, if you’d just get over it.

27

Sweet! I love this quote. As some of you know, I am a supervisor at my job. I am not a manager, I’m the guy that runs the team so he can go kiss ass or whatever a manager does. Anyway, as a supervisor, I have to take hot calls from time to time.
Every once in awhile, I’ll get some dominant male monkey motherfucker on the line who refuses to listen to one of my female techs. Fuckin’ inbred redneck backwardass country fuck!
You must understand that this lady is one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet. She’s like 60, but so what? She’s been in computers longer than I have been alive. She is a retired programmer who knows more about computers than anyone in the building. She only does the job because since her husband died, she needs to stay busy. And she’s awesome! I can’t say enough good stuff about her. And some asshole on her phone starts being belligerent because she sounds like a sweet old lady. Granted, sweet old ladies are known for being computer ignorant, but not this sweet old lady.
So her client demands to talk to her supervisor, me. I get on the phone and tell this guy that he is talking to the finest technician in the whole damn company, and that I have 100% confidence in her assessment of the situation, and that if he has a problem other than his tech issue, I would be glad to help him.
And he says that she messed it up! Bullshit! I was listening to the call, asshole! Now you’re a liar in addition to being a dumbfuck sexist shithead.
I have a way of ripping people new assholes, and they don’t even know it. I can take words and forge them into a finely honed lance with which I sweetly and professionaly reduce your argument to a leaky piece of meat.
I unloaded on this guy. He was saying yes sir and yes ma’am by the time I let him ask to troubleshoot with my tech. Asshole.

So thanks, phouka, I forgot male chauvinist assholes in my rant.
And I’ve always wanted to have 2 women.
But three? I don’t know…
(what am I saying? what am I thinking? You know what else pisses me off? Guys who don’t accept when women throw themselves at him!)

28

Soooo
I have this thingy on my cpu. It making a Whirrrrring sound. I’ve already checked with AOL and they told me to call you. I’m not ACTUALLY in front of my computer right now but I think it’s busted.

Can you help?

29

bio-brat, you kick ass.

Thanks for providing such a perfect example of one of the things we’re all ranting and raving about!

Smooches!

~Santi

<sarcasm level=0>

30

Sure:

If it does it when the “cpu” is turned off, it’s an external device that’s not covered by our warranty.

If it “Whirrrrrs” only when the “cpu” is turned on, it’s still working and we only replace parts once they’ve failed. Keep on using it. If it stops going “Whirrrrr” when the “CPU” is on, then give us a call back.

(BTW: I assume that you, like so many callers meant “CPU”=The other Box thingy. You know, the one that doesn’t look like a TV set that you put disks into and has the on/off button and so on.

If, in fact, you mean CPU=little chip thingy on the motherboard, you’ve just violated the Terms and Conditions of your warranty by opening up the case. You are now responsible for returning the unit back to original manufacturer’s condition. Thank you for calling. Have a nice day.)

:slight_smile: Great post, btw

Fenris

31

GaWd and Lexi thank you so much for the advise. I will have to try it.

Since everyone else is ranting… I hate when the telemarketers ask if my husband is around (btw I’m a girl). I’m not f*cking married. Does every adult female have to be married?! And even if I was married why the @# can’t they talk to me!!!:mad:
Okay, I’m done ranting about telemarketers.
I work in the computer industry as well, but luckily not in Tech support. So I understand the “breasts do not interfere with my technical abilities” comment. Phouka I feel your pain. Dealing with customers sucks!

32

[qoute]36.) I don’t care how much fucking money you laid out, InterNIC isn’t going to have your domain name in the DNS servers for two to six days depending on their mood, and NO it’s NOT my fucking fault.

[/quote]

Oh, I wish you hadn’t gone there phouka. Fuck InterNIC. Those ass-backwards dumbfucking morons. I hate dealing with them. On top of being ignorant pedantic other-worldly pricks,they have absolutely no sense of humor!

Ok, this just happened to me today. Stupid MCI/Worldcom bitch calls about wireless plans asking for my brother. I told her politely he wasn’t there. She asked “Is Mrs. Roza around?” I again, politely said no.

6 hours later, the bitch calls back, asking for my brother. I told her no. I asked what she wanted, and she blah, blah’d on for a second and asked for his significant other. I finally told the bitch that she could consider me his “significant fucking other” and that we had wirelss service through another company,and not to call again. She then said “click”. :smiley:

I guess it worked.

-Sam

Seem

33

[Spicoli] Hey Bud, what’s yer problem?[/Spicoli]

34

Lexicon you get the award for the longest posts I have ever seen! :smiley: :smiley:

35

Why do you think I’m angry? I’m NOT you twit!
Go peddle your anger elsewhere before I squeeze your head like a zit.
You anger-peddlars make me sooo mad!
I hope I get to take 200 dumps on your grave before a volcano fries it with lava.
You deserve to be staked over an anthill in the sun with a water drip on your forehead for saying I even GET angry!
What a creeping sliming toe jamming thing to say!
If I ever get angry, which I won’t, you’ll be the first to know.

36

In college I worked as a computer tech for the Department of Modern Languages. I’d like to add one more rule:

  1. If you want me to fix your computer, start it up so that it has a fucking English language display. And don’t tell me that it only displays Korean, because when I set this goddamn computer up two years ago, it was in English. I don’t speak Korean, Swahili, Greek, or Russian, and the last thing I want is for you to fucking sit next to me and translate everything for me. I don’t get paid enough to my job here in the first place, let alone listen to you while I’m trying to do it. Go get a cup of coffee or a bowl of borscht and don’t come back until I’m done.

Ahhh…

That’s much better.

37

I’m right in there with all the other tech-support girls who want to marry you, Lex. I would, if I weren’t already married to a guy who needs to be talked step-by-step through turning on the computer and finding a site on the internet.

I work nights doing tech support for internal users in my company. That means I don’t have to deal with the general-public-idiots, but only the idiots-who-work-for-my-company. I like that better.

My pet peeve: “My boss told me to call and tell you that his laptop isn’t working.” D’oh! So, what doesn’t work, what was he trying to do, what error message did he get…and forget trying to actually work on the thing, he took his laptop to a meeting with him and can’t be reached.
AAAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!

38

Thats it . . . if my computer ever goes on the fritz again, I will just calmly walk it out to the dumpster and begin saving for a new one. I am never calling tech support again. I’m too damn scared now.

“Tech support.”

“Yes please talk to me as if I am a 8 year old.”

(Will that make things go more smoothly ?)

:wink:

39

No. We H - A - T - E that!

You know what else I hate?

Whiners.

40

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Lexicon *
**

Well that seems ironic. What do you call what everyone is doing in this thread ?

B&M

B&M

B&M