I have been an Evil Supervillain for about six years now. I specialize in space piracy, kidnapping and the occasional hijacking of nuclear weapons. My superpowers include telekinesis, the ability to turn invisible, and the ability to tolerate Barney the Dinosaur.
Evil Supervillainry is a much maligned and misunderstood profession, so I’ll try to clear up any misconceptions or answer any questions that you might have.
You have excellent powers, friedo the supervillain but while you may be able to *tolerate[/i[ Barney… you are not HIM!
BWAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!
Tell me tho, why do supervillains have this compulsive need to label all of their self destruct triggering devices? Wouldnt it be more evil to have a doomsday device that cant be turned off?
and what is this insipid need to gloat to the one and only person who can defeat you and give him specific and detailed clues as to how to thwart your ultimate plan (de jour)?
Dear Evil Supervillain.
I have long since compleated a high powered laser that is capable of etching what ever I wish onto the surface of the moon. However I simply cannot make up my mind on what to write! I am considering the visage of one Alfred E.
Newman, a simple smiley face, or maybe just my name.
Do you have any ideas, recomendations? Please hurry as the leauge of veracity is closing in on the location of my base.
Though I do not specialize in doomsday devices (if you blow up the whole world, you lose everything you want to steal) I have many colleagues in the industry who do. The problem with constructing a device that cannot be disarmed is that inevitably some meddling do-gooder will figure out a way to turn it around and point it at you. So the general feeling in the Community is to err on the cautious side and build in an easily identifiable abort or self-destruct button.
Supervillains as a whole are a very clever lot. But we have low self-esteem, which is why we lash out. So we often feel a need to justify our actions to our nemeses, in a vain attempt to earn their approval.
Well, if I had such a device, I would probably draw a giant picture of a butt, thereby “mooning” the whole world.
Dear supervillian:
I’m a regular villain, but I want to attain Super status. Where can I get unquestioningly loyal minions to do my bidding? Right now, all I can get are the neighbor kids who work whenever they feel like it and only do what I want when I threaten to blow up their Playstation 2s. Plus, all my nemesis has to do is give then $5 and they go buy candy instead of carrying out my Evil Plan for World Domination™.
Ptui. That’s an easy one. Etch a REALLY REALLY detailed, graphic XXX image. Not a simple, tasteful image of a butt but a love-juice stained image of a butt in action.
Then let it be knwon that you’re willing to erase the image, or portions of it – for a price.
Sweet baby Buddah on a stick! You are evil.:eek:
bows down
Dear Evil Supervillian,
What do your parents have to say about this? And do you think you can take on Superman?
Dear Evil Supervillain,
Have you ever bought anything from VillainSupply.com? If so, how was your buying experience?
I’m thinking about getting a Mobile Missile Launcher.
First, you can’t just become an Evil Supervilain overnight. You need to work hard. You’ll need to earn a degree at The Evil Supervillain Academy. Then you work your way up. You start with a few bank robberies in Europe to get some gold bars and fund your empire. You won’t be able to build a secret lair at this point, so you’ll have to settle with an old castle or haunted mansion. Then, I suggest spending a few years doing some stock manipulation and mafia administration to build up a large cash reserve. After that, make a deal with a foreign government to carry out their evil plots in exchange for a small army. Now that you’ve got your minions firmly under your control, betray the government that hired you and plan your own dasterdly deeds.
My parents are very proud. They always thought I had a career in government beaurocratics, but when I finally earned my Master’s in Villainry, they knew I was really evil.
My parents are very proud. They always thought I had a career in government beaurocratics, but when I finally earned my Master’s in Villainry, they knew I was really evil.
I do have a plan for defeating Superman someday, though I have not yet had a chance to put it into effect. It involved a Superwhore and a kryptonite condom.
I find their customer service to be adequate, but their supplies sub-par. I find I can get the highest quality supplies in former Soviet republics, Arab states that harbor terrorists, and Canada.
Dear Evil Supervillain,
I am still looking for a place where I can do my internship, so are you currently on the look for highly motivated sidekicks / lackeys?
I am not in the position to begin hiring at this moment, and I already have a pair of highly motivated lackeys at my disposal. I suggest you get some evil experience first by working for the US Government or Microsoft.
Where exactly is the line between villainy and evil supervillainy?
Dear Evil Supervillain,
One of my ancestors on my family tree was a supervillain from circa 1246. Although he left behind no memoirs and there is very little on record about his life, it is known that he did fairly well for himself. Can you give me some insight on how supervillainy has changed over the past 1000 years, and perhaps tell me if I have a better chance of becoming a supervillain becuase of my ancestory?
Simply put, Supervillains have super-powers which they use in order to commit their dastardly deeds. Also, they have hot girlfriends.
You are in luck. Supervillanous ability tends to run in families. The Supervillains of a thousand years ago worked in much the same fashion as those of today, but without the technology. Whereas a Supervillain of the 1980s might use a giant mind-control ray to hypnotize the President, a Supervillain of 1000 years ago would pay a sorcerer his weight in gold to possess a king.