I hope now that I’ve released my tax returns, even though they don’t include last year’s, everybody can see that I’m just an ordinary gal. I know what it’s like to be down to your last hundred million. I’ve been there when you have to loan yourself five million just to stay afloat.
[…tearing up…]
Now that all the males out there are demanding that I get out of the racism early, I want to open myself up so you can see the real Hillary. The little girl who grew up in (where are we?) … oh yeah, in this place… and faced discrimination every day of her life.
Having nothing to lose at this point, I’m willing to hear you.
Obviously, the male mods and admins have blocked out some of my questions, so I’ll deal with the ones that got through. I think what **pinkfreud ** and **Lobsang ** are asking me is whether I’m tough enough to do the job on day one. And the answer is yes I am.
You know, I can remember registering here. And they were warning us about hacker fire and virus threats. They told us just to get the process over as quickly as possible because the SDMB was undergoing severe DOS attacks and that we’d likely have our identities stolen. But I toughed it out because I thought it was important to get the kind of experience that I’ll need when I get that 3:00 AM phone call.
You know, it really has been a struggle for me. As a woman. What with all the discrimination and everything. Keep in mind that I’m not just a half-woman, unlike my opponent who is only half what he is. That’s what this race is all about. But I’m not going to quit. I’m going to hang in there. Work hard. Make jobs. Print money. Whatever you need to make you happy. Call me sometime.
If I understand you correctly, I think you’re asking me how I feel about all the men calling for me to step aside. Well, I’ll tell you what I think, Mister Man. You’re a dirty bird. And I ain’t going nowhere. I’m going to win this nomination if I have to tear the Democratic Party to shreds to do it. I’m strong. If you don’t believe it, just ask me.
I have to admit that what turns me on is the people. When I was a little girl, I clearly remember my mother taking me to see Martin Luther King Jr. He pulled me from the crowd and lifted me onto his shoulders and told me that one day, these people would all be mine. I was by his side when he marched in Selma, while my opponent was still doing dirty work for Chicago slum lords.
I refuse to take part in the gutter politics of my opponent. For all I know, he may not be a Muslim terrorist anymore, and so I refuse to stoop to things like reminding people about his middle name. I will say that I think he would make a fine president if only he could be trusted late at night. But remember, it was Jesse Jackson, and not I, who said Mr. Obama would be scary late at night. I just think people have to ask who they want to entrust their children to. Late at might, I mean. Do you want to look out your kitchen window and see his face in the shadows?
Ok…if you win the White House, and you get in that Oval Office, will it weird you out to spend the next four years working in the room where your husband got a blow job from an intern?
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to explain my economic package. I will bring jobs back to Detroit. I will stop people from becoming poor. I will create a new department to eliminate poverty and consume more of the tax pie. If you work in my new department, you won’t be poor. Also, I will take money from people like Bill Gates. He has more than he needs, and if I strip him bear, he’ll have incentive to start all over and make even more for me to take. On my first day in office, I will rescue Social Security, save Medicare, initiate universal health care, and then break for lunch. I will also end the war, but in the right way. I’ll do everything for everyone.
Rest assured that I will be the president. Not my husband. I will also say that he is eager to assume his new role. He is already reviewing people to hire for his staff of maids.