Having just gone through another breakup, I am taking stock of my life and have decided to start my own business based on my natural strengths and talents. In that spirit I am offering my services to you, O ladies and gentlemen (and others) of the SDMB.
I am a PsychoMagnet.
I almost invariably get involved with someone who I think is nice, normal, considerate, healthy. However, it soon becomes manifestly clear (to my friends, of course, not to me) that s/he is nuts, a tweaker, a fuckwit, a freakazoid, a headfucker, not playing with a full deck, a few bricks short of a wall, a few sandwiches shy of a picnic, a few floats short of a parade, the lights are on but nobody’s home…in short, Psycho. Upon my friends’ pointing this out to me, I carefully consider the evidence as objectively as I can…and disregard it. Not until the evidence has piled up and become so overwhelming that it not only whacks me upside the head, but knocks me to the ground and pins me there, do I realize that my beloved is, yet again, a Psychobitch (or PsychoBastard, as the case may be).
So if youre interested in someone, send them along to me. I will go out with them a few times (at no cost or obligation to you!), and if I like them, that is your cue to run screaming in the opposite direction as fast as your legs can carry you. Because if I like them, they must be Psycho.
Consider:
Relationship #1: The Fiancé. Emotionally abusive, manipulative, dishonest, unfaithful, addictive personality.
Relationship #2: The Rebound. Depressive, bulemic, insanely jealous.
Relationship #3: The Nice Guy. Obsessed with winning his father’s approval/becoming his father.
Relationship #4: The Fellow Cast Member. Alcoholic and drug addict.
Relationship #5: The First Girlfriend. Nothing wrong with her (o miracle!), we just werent compatible.
Relationship #6: The First Female Lover. Intensely closeted, father issues, never listened, saw me not so much as a girlfriend as someone with an apartment where she could admit to being gay (just not when anyone else was around).
Relationship #7: The Big Love. Manic-depressive, but refused to take medication or go to counselling because “If you have to take medication or go to counselling, that means youre sick, and I dont want to be sick.”
Relationship #8: The Love Affair. Had a scorecard with around 50 conquests, dishonest, unfaithful, and (whoops) married.
Relationship #9 (just defunct): The Friend-As-Lover. Fine as long as we were friends; as soon as we became lovers, turned inconsistent, inconsiderate of my health, dishonest, uncommunicative, selfish. and viciously rude.
Does anyone see a pattern here? I know bad relationships often follow a pattern, but I swear I cant see it. I never saw these problems (or refused to see them) until long after everyone around me was saying, “Run away! Run away!” So I hereby declare myself the Official Psycho Filter of the SDMB. “If I like 'em, you better run.” Send them along to me, I’ll weed out the Psychos for you.
