Post-Romantic Stress Disorder

Fair warning, this is a pretty self-indulgent rant.

Okay, I come back to my room last night to find an envelope taped to my door. Happy Valentine’s Day to Lamia, right? Wrong. It was a letter from my ex-girlfriend (Psycho Girl from here on out), who has not spoken to me since I broke up with her in early December.

Psycho Girl started off by informing me that she never found me attractive and that she derived no pleasure from the physical aspect of our relationship. Well, it wasn’t too hot for me either. I was perfectly willing to overlook her many physical flaws (whatever you may say against my appearance at least I don’t have a moustache), but if I wanted to make out with a block of ice I’d go buy a goddamn popsicle.

So Psycho Girl freely admits that not only was she uninterested in any physical relationship with me, but that all she wanted in a “girlfriend” was a supportive person to listen to her problems. And listen to her problems. Her constant, stupid, petty problems. I saw this woman in near tears because of underdone toast. Yet Psycho Girl was apparently surprised and hurt because I became less sympathetic about her endless problems and because I thought that she needed a therapist instead of a girlfriend.

Yet although it was Psycho Girl who had no genuine romantic interest in me, somehow I was the one using her. For what? One might well wonder. She accused me of wanting her only as a trophy girlfriend to show off to my friends and use to get attention. My roommate laughed out loud when I told her that Psycho Girl said this. If I’d wanted a trophy girlfriend I could have gotten someone with a more outgoing personality. I am fairly outgoing myself, and certainly do not need anyone else to help me get more attention from my friends. If I did, Psycho Girl would not be the one to do it for me. She is withdrawn to the point where she is often virtually incapable of making eye contact with or speaking to anyone at all. I’ll admit that when we were dating I did make a point of complimenting her in public, but that was only because I hoped it would help her self-esteem.

Psycho Girl finished off by alluding to her troubled childhood (which I know for a fact was not that bad; it wasn’t as bad as mine by any means, and I don’t use mine as an excuse), making some veiled threats, and accusing me of being shallow and insensitive.

While this was a less than pleasant experience for me, in a way I am glad it happened. The main reasons I broke up with Psycho Girl was because I thought she was unstable, frigid, and selfish. I have sometimes felt guilty about this. I’ve thought, “Perhaps she wasn’t really so bad. Maybe we could have worked things out.” But I will never again doubt my decision.

Well, that’s my pity party. If anyone else wants to rant about crazy exes, feel free to join in.

Wow, Lamia. I don’t mean to sound snotty by any means, but why were you with this girl, again? I mean, I’m envisioning a whiny, self-absorbed ice bitch with a Fu Manchu. Am I far off?

As far as psycho exes, I have one. It’s the accessory for the twenty-first century! That and a tube sock on your arm! But I digress. I won’t go into too much detail but let’s just say the two years later this crackpot still e-mails my mom and just two days ago went WAY out of his way to “run” into me. But, shortly after we broke up (read: I dumped his sorry ass) he showed up at my doorstep, begging me to come back, and then he let this gem fly: “I don’t know why I’m so hung up on you, you’re not the best looking girl I ever went out with.” You silver-tongued devil you.

Breaking up with him is the best thing I ever did. And his actions during the two years that have passed have only confirmed that. Isn’t it nice to finally know for sure you really did the right thing?

Not far off, and believe me I now wonder what I could have been thinking. The only thing I can say in my defense is that we do have similar interests, and that for a long time I thought she was just shy (as opposed to frigid and possibly insane).

Ouch. You got my sympathy, sister.

Yes indeed. The funny thing is that just a week or two ago I began thinking that maybe Psycho Girl wasn’t so bad and that I should talk to her and see if we could still be friends. I don’t know how such a stupid idea ever could have come into my head, but I’m glad I never had the chance to act on it.