Ask the Transsexual Woman

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

This thread is a fascinating read.

First, I don’t know Una and have no particular knowledge about her medical condition. Back in my university days I did work with issues of sexual differentiation in a research setting. I know issues such as are under discussion in this thread often bring up some questions of a “How did that happen developmentally” nature. I do not want to hijack this thread so will spoiler a little basic background reading on the science type stuff for any who may be interested.

For those looking for a little more background reading the Wikipedia article on Sexual differentiation is an ok starting point. Some key points:

[ul][li]In human development, the default path is for a fetus to develop as female.[/li][li]There are a lot of signalling hormones which must be properly received by specific receptor molecules to guide the differentiation process to make a fetus develop as male.[/li][li]There is some tissue that is part of the mesothelial peritoneum (a membrane that lines the abdominal organs) in the developing fetus. This same tissue can develop into ovaries or testes, depending on the aforementioned hormones and receptors.[/li][li]Genetic changes to any of several genes could disrupt the typical differentiation process.[/li][li]Depending on exactly what is disrupted and where in the differentiation pathway the effect is felt, there are numerous Disorders of sexual development.[/li][/ul]

There are numerous possible variations in physical appearance of the primary and secondary sexual characteristics. We are still learning about the sexual differentiation of the brain which strongly affects gender identity. Differentiation of the brain occurs independently of the sexual differentiation of the primary and secondary sexual characteristics.

Net result:
a person may have a gender identity that does not match how his/her body differentiated (male appearance but identifies as female or vice versa);
a person may have external genitalia typical of one gender but secondary sexual characteristics typical of the other gender;
a person may have external genitalia which are not unambiguously male or female;
a person may have primary and secondary sexual development typical of one gender but have a genetic karotype typical of the other gender (XX male or XY female);
and any such person may self-identify (have a gender identity) as female, male, both, or neither;
and regardless of gender identity, any such person may be sexually attracted to males, females, both, or neither.

62

Una, there’s something I’m wondering about, and it may not be relevant, but it’s going to keep bugging me unless I ask.

Way back when you were Anthracite, did you once say that you would not be attending any Dopefests, or meeting SD’ers one-on-one, because you’d been in an accident and your face was disfigured, so you didn’t want to meet new people until you’d had reconstructive surgery? Someone said that about hirself, I’m sure of it: was it you?

At any rate, interesting thread, thank you for starting it; I’m learning a lot.

63

You mentioned activism on behalf of the LGBT community, but what do you do exactly? Are you part of an organization formally or informally? A freelance paid speaker?

64

No questions, just a post in support to say I love your dress :wink:

65

For some reason, I thought you had transitioned earlier than you mentioned, when you mentioned the dates. Anyways, reading what you wrote, I’m glad you were finally able to transition, and I’m glad that you feel much better overall now. Your report on how much better you feel now reads in parts very cute! May it continue!

66

Multiple questions. I hope they are not too personal, because I’m interested in the technical aspects of the switch.

How painful were the procedures?

Do you have any lack of sensory nerve function? I had a gastric bypass, and it took me a year to regain the “full” sense when I ate.

What about urination? The male prostate blocks the bladder for retention, do you still have a prostate, or was some other procedure done to replace functionality?

67

Una, I just want to echo that you are a compelling writer and its a fascinating subject.
I too hope you can write a book about this.
Best of Life to you and Fierra.

68

It cannot be overstated how amazingly brave and awesome you are for doing this, thank you

Since joining the SDMB I’ve learned a lot about various gender issues (ignorance fought!) and have come to view gender as a spectrum rather than an either/or situation. Would you agree?

69

It’s a mixture of truth and freakout over gender dysphoria.

The first thing is yes I was in a really nasty car accident when I was young. It essentially removed part of my face from my skull, put three large holes in my face, and eventually I lost 4 teeth and have a jaw which did not stop hurting until about a year ago. I received a meager insurance settlement which did not cover the medical treatment needed for full rehabilitation. But they didn’t do a bad job.

The thing you need to understand as background as well is ALL transwomen freak out about their appearance. It’s one reason so many of them will spend $20-$50,000+ for facial feminization surgery (FFS), most of the time without actually needing it (IMO). We are incredibly sensitive about our looks and appearance. As time goes on this diminishes, but early on, especially before you get the hormones, you stand in front of the mirror and see Quasimodo (if he had suffered from a serious fire and smallpox.)

So yes I do have scars – or did – and my teeth were still crooked. However, estrogen is freaking powerful stuff. I made estrogen but not enough, and certainly not the weapons-grade level I’m on with the pills (I take the equivalent of about 320 birth control pills a day, if my math is correct). Many of my facial scars faded under estrogen, and some of them filled in as fat deposits moved on my face. Others I’ve had cosmetic treatment for. And one reason you see me smiling closed-mouthed in the photo in Post #1 is I have braces, so my teeth are actually pretty good now, but I’m still a little shy about showing all the metal and ceramic.

Body image issues can make transpeople, especially pre and early-transition ones, almost pathological about our appearance. So yeah, when I said I was horribly disfigured, that’s because that’s how I viewed myself. When I lived alone I covered or took down all mirrors in the house, because I thought I was so ugly. If I caught myself in a mirror, it filled me with an instantaneous reaction of sadness, anger, self-hatred, and even an urge to hurt myself.

So now? We’ve come a long way, baby. Example - this morning I put on a new Pendleton skirt and scoop-neck top, my emeralds, some cute flats, and looked in the mirror. And my instantaneous reaction was “holy crap, I’m beautiful today. Da-yum.” Later on I came back and looked in the mirror, and said “wow…just wow. I’m awesome. Let’s get to work and kick ass and take down names!”

Would I go to a Dopefest now? Sure, if I was nearby or it was in town, why not?

70

Mostly I talk. I like to talk, so that’s no problem, huh? :slight_smile:

The primary things I do are lecture in front of audiences on the transgender experience and the plight of my community, I visit schools and talk to them, I talk to corporate HR departments, etc. I do this under the auspices of some local and national organizations. Very, very few transpeople, even successful fully-transitioned ones, are willing to go public, and have much experience with public speaking – including public speaking to a mixed, possibly unreceptive audience. I do; I teach for a living, and I’ve given lectures to audiences around the world for more than 2 decades.
I also meet individually to counsel transwomen – they are actually sent to me by the counselors, to be a mentor and guide, a touchstone, a source of knowledge and experience.

And I never, ever charge.

Much of my recent efforts have been in mainstreaming. Taking a group of terrified transwomen shopping, or to a restaurant, or a club. So many of them just have never been out in public, other than gay bars or clubs. The real world is in malls and TGI Fridays, not drag bars. Let me give an example. One woman I knew billed herself as a “big name” in the community, had been an activist online for 5+ years (meaning she blogged…yeah, I know), and was well-respected and looked up to by many because she was so knowledgeable and experienced.

So one day I phoned her and said “I’m shopping at the mall, going to be here for the day. Come join me, let’s hang out.” She made all sorts of excuses, then finally agreed.

Two hours later she phoned me from in front the mall to come get her, and I went over to meet her. And there she was, looking OK (she was dressed much too down for shopping IMO, but hey, different styles) and I said “Come on, I think the Limited has a sale!” and as we walked along, she started to stammer, then fled to a corner by the center court, and was near tears. Talking to her revealed the truth.

She was an “online tiger.” Even though for 5+ years she had been dispensing sage advice to other transwomen about every single part of transition, she had NEVER, EVER been dressed en femme outside her house. She claimed she was “almost full time”, but had never been in public? Wow. And she was so terrified she was trembling with fear. I mean, holy crap. Part of me was somewhat peeved at her, but what she needed was help.

So I took her to my favorite stores – where in every store, there was one shopgirl at least who said “hi! Great to see you again!” I took her around and around to all these stores, had her even try on clothes, and all the shop folks who knew about me and were “safe” treated her just like any other customer. I gave her tips about acting in public – comportment, how to walk, ways to shop, what to shop for, etc. And that one day gave her the courage to break out of her apartment and get out in the world. Now she’s a real community advocate, who speaks in public and helps others as well.

Mainstreaming is my pet cause now.

71

I’m not going to talk about specific things about my genitals.

In general, SRS nowadays is highly successful if done with a good surgeon and the pre-op and post-op regimen is followed. Most women start to gain back their full sensation within a few months, and somewhere around 50-90% (results vary wildly) can be fully orgasmic by a year. Some can even have multiples. The prostate is often retained, as it and its surrounding tissues make a good anchor point for part of the vagina. This does however mean that prostate cancer is still a risk with post-op women. And incontinence is a side effect with some women, although exercises to strengthen key muscles can deal with this in many cases. Sometimes it’s sort of a matter of getting used to your new body.

72

Yes, gender is so definitely a spectrum it’s prima facie obvious to me. I see it every day in many ways, and if this started to be taught to the general public things would be a lot better for my people.

73

The generalities are fine, and you’ve provided the level of detail I am interested in.

I’m not sure how to express support, but you’ve got mine.

74

Any questions I had have already been answered. I just want to say that you are awesome (and pretty)!

75

Do transsexuals whose body was fully of one sex before transitioning to the other ever display any hostility toward you as having started out intersex, in the way that many blacks look down on those of lighter skin or mixed ancestry as not being sufficiently “authentic”?

76

Speaking as someone who has now worked retail for some years… while there are some overtly hostile people out there most of us working retail have seen a full spectrum of people. The shoe shop I work at gets all kinds and frankly we just don’t even blink. Pole dancers, strippers, whores, pimps, church ladies, tap dancing little girls, the poor the wealthy, athletes, those missing body parts… Whether someone can pass entirely, or looks like a drag queen with poor fashion taste, or something else we just don’t really care. Is your money green? Can we give you what you want? Fine. You’re our customer and you will be treated with the same courtesy and professionalism as everyone else.

I don’t know if the folks you counsel would find that reassuring or not. Yes, I’ve provided service to transfolks who, unfortunately, are never going to pass very well as their mental gender. If anything, I try to be kinder to them because I know their life has difficulties I will never know. I understand that many transpeople live in fear, and that fear has some legitimate basis but it’s been my experience that while many of the cisgendered may not understand and may fear the transgendered most of them are not motivated to violence and, in the case of merchants, are still happy to make money off them. I don’t have to like my customers, and many I don’t (usually for reasons other than gender), but I am polite and respectful to all of them. Most successful retailers are the same.

77

Thank you!

Mostly not, but it happens. A couple of my best friends tell me they are very jealous of me, and they wish they had the same body. A couple of times a distraught person has lashed out at me while I was trying to help them. You know, “yeah, easy for you to say, you have a spouse that loves you, a career, and a girl’s body! What do you know about how I feel?” That sort of thing. The community has a subtle “passing pecking order” which I fight very hard to destroy. No one should feel bad because they’re tall, or large, or has a face one shape or the other.

And you know what? When they dress right, get the comportment right, it’s more often the big girls who get picked up, especially at straight clubs. Typically at the straight clubs I’m the one sitting by the side, while the 6’ gals are getting ostensibly straight men to offer to take them home.

78

They appreciate the sentiment, but they probably will still be just as afraid. It takes a lot of positive experience to end the fear.

79

This sounds similar to the perceptions of those with body dysmorphic disorder. Have you known any transwomen with BDD, either before or after transitioning? Do you think it’s possible for BDD to be co-morbid with gender dysphoria? And, generally speaking, how accommodating do you find the mental health community to be towards to transwomen and men?

80

The answers in order are no, I’ve never met nor known of any transwoman with BDD. Is it possible? It could be, but I don’t think the literature shows such to be common, or even experienced much. It just doesn’t seem to arise - even in the case where a BDD person wants to remove genitals, if I understand the situation it’s not so they can be female, it’s because they feel like the genitals just need to go.

How accommodating the community is depends greatly on location. In small, rural areas it tends to be very hit-and-miss. In larger metro areas there are typically at least a few good resources in both gender therapists/counselors and gender transition physicians. My metro area is very good on these points, and Kansas City is now known as sort of a Mecca in the Midwest for transgender persons.

Edited - crap, I was thinking BIID, not BDD. Yes, I screwed up - I think there is some correlation seem between GID and BDD, even though many activists want to draw a line between the two. The difference some might say is in the root cause and goals - transition can largely cure the dysphoria, whereas with BDD you may not be so lucky.