Tshirt, please.
Blackberry, does your little girl identify as ‘black’?
Well, she doesn’t really have a firm stance on that yet. I would say for now she identifies as black and white though. Little kids are pretty literal and she knows she has a white parent and a black parent and she looks like both of us, but I have told her that some biracial people self-identify as black and that’s for her to decide.
Do you feel your attraction is more to the rebellious/forbidden aspect? I have known many women with “dating patterns”, be it racial, social (falling for bikers, rich men, bad boys, a Jet, a Capulet) etc. Without exception, there seems to be a direct connection back to younger rebellious “pissing off mom/dad” that carries on into adulthood.
I don’t know. It could be, but it’s not like I was raised in family that was explicitly racist, until they had “reason” to be, which was pretty much when I started expressing an interest in black guys. I don’t know what it’s about.
But I do have white friends who only date black guys too and their parents never had any problem with it.
Also, I do have “daddy issues” (nothing shocking or horrible, just your everyday daddy issues) which might come into play somehow, but my dad is actually the one who never really had a problem with it, and certainly would have never forbid it (I didn’t live with my dad though).
I’ve always heard:
Once you go white, you don’t go back…a’ight?
Slightly off topic, but I noticed you mentioned a daughter who is bi-racial.
My niece (white) was married to a black guy and their daughter is a gorgeous, athletic and straight-A student - she is 12 and I wonder if she is going to be attracted to white or black guys.
Having taught psychology, the answer seems to have a lot to do with environment when hitting the dating age - bi-racial kids will normally hang out with, and date, those who are the majority in their group. My niece’s daughter will be going to a predominantly white high school which leads me to think she will be dating white guys.
Depending on the age of your daughter - has she shown any preference to racial types as well?
Do you, deep down in places you don’t talk about, find black men simply to be more manly, masculine, etc., than white men? And what does that mean for you?
My daughter is 9, so she’s too young to have too much of a preference, but so far so has crushes on boys of all different races. She’s gone to schools that were mostly black and schools that were mostly white, and I have no idea what kind of school she’ll be going to when she gets old enough to date.
She has noticed MY preference, though. She made some comment about it when she was about 6. She had heard of, but not met, some guy I was seeing, and she asked if he had dark skin and said something about how my boyfriends always do (that sounds bad…it’s not like she’s met that many of them, but she’s met a few). I was surprised she noticed, because at that time she didn’t even really have a concept of “white” and “black”; it was just “skin like mine”, “skin like yours”, and “skin like daddy’s”.
Did you grow up around mostly black guys, or white guys?
Have you had any traumatic experiences that were perpetrated by a white guy?
Does taboo come into play?
I’ve only been with a couple of black women. Even tho’ I know in the forward thinking part of my brain, there is absolutely nothing wrong with dating outside of one’s race…,.
I still have to say that the whole taboo thing going on in the back of my head came in to play. But not in a bad way. Quite the contrary, it made the sex very, very hot!!
I hope I’m not alone in this.
I grew up around mostly white guys, and I’ve never had any traumatic experiences with white guys. With my weird issues sometimes I do wonder if I was abused by someone (no idea who) and blocked it out or something! But I really don’t think so.
Not really black men I don’t think, but jerks (what can I say? my issues are complex and varied LOL). To me a really nice guy is not that masculine (and not just to me, it’s really society’s general view of masculinity, even though on an intellectual level I find that deplorable and offensive). I think there are PLENTY of men of all races that fit my dysfunctional type, but probably more black men.
One of the only white guys I am attracted to is an actor who plays a character that is a total asshole. :smack:
No, I’m sure you’re not alone. I hesitate to say that’s part of it for me because I feel like I’m so past that point, if I was ever there. It seems mundane to me, not taboo. But on some level it might be. I do tend to want what I can’t have. So that makes it my mom’s fault for forbidding it.
And it seems weird to me to have sex with a white guy, even the few I am attracted to. In my mind there’s supposed to be a contrast. Maybe it’s just because it’s what I’m used to.
Why not latinos?
No reason really. Actually the first big crush I ever had was on a Puerto Rican boy. And I did date a guy who was half Latino of some kind but I forget what (and half black). He was really cute.
Would you say that you perhaps have more in common with black men in the areas that really count–maybe not just physical attraction?
For example, I’m a black man that has a slight preference for dating non-black women (I have and would again date black women who I am attracted to, and that is not a short list at all :))
and I used to spend far too much time than healthy trying to, at turns, exorcise that tendency from myself and navel-gaze and try to discover why that is.
After so many years I’ve only been able to pice together this: For as long as I can remember I’ve always been more ‘preppy’ than ‘thug’ (again, for lack of better terminology) and, in my neighborhood and schools I’ve attended, that was not exactly the ticket to being successful with many black girls… or it could just have been me. I question whether this preference is learned rather than innate, unlike, say, one’s preferred gender?
That’s an interesting question, and my non-interesting answer is that I’m not sure 
. I certainly don’t have much in common philosophically with people who I think are ignorant and naïve to things like social inequality, and white people, as well as all majority groups, are more likely to be like that, just because they may not have much experience with it. Most black people do, so we don’t have that issue.
But, of course, by no means are all white men like that and I know ones who aren’t and who I really like as people and get along with well enjoy their company. My brother-in-law is one and I think he’s a great guy…but I still wouldn’t marry someone like him and when he wants to set me up with one of his friends, I’m not interested.
And at the same time, I don’t have a lot in common with a lot of the black guys I date. If it’s really nothing in common at all, then I lose interest quickly, but a lot of times all we really have in common personality-wise is liking to talk and discuss things and having similar senses of humor and a good rapport. I have no use for a man who doesn’t care about the world around him enough to even talk about it or who doesn’t get it when I make hilarious jokes. But with a lot of them, including my dysfunctional nutjob that I can’t ever get over, that’s really it.
Just to further complicate things, I DO have quite a lot in common with a few black guys that I date and really like, including my functional non-nutjob that I can’t ever get over (don’t take that the wrong way, I don’t have a whole male harem of men I can’t quite get over; those are the only two), so I don’t NEED them to be way different from me either.
What’s your ex like as a parent? Is he like the absentee baby daddies of stereotypical fame, or is he more of a committed non-cohabitating parent? You mention your daughter saying something about “skin like daddy’s” so I assume he’s active in her life. Does he help support her/you? Much has been made of how family structures in the African-American community are in danger and I’m always interested in any more information about it.
Enjoy,
Steven
Well, he’s always paid child support and lately he has not been involved as much as he should be, but from her birth until fairly recently, he was very involved (and we haven’t been together since she was a tiny baby). I have no shortage of complaints about him because he just really gets on my nerves, but it could be worse.