I am a white male - 35 - and I have a strong preference to black women. I have been using dating sites to meet like-minded women. I would like to know if it is creepy to be up front in my racial preference?
For example - if I clearly state that I prefer black/Caribbean women - will this generally be perceived as strange and off-putting?
Yes. Why do you like black girls? Why do you not like funny girls, or intelligent girls, or girls that like superhero movies, or something? I mean, why is your primary requirement something they have no choice over? Not all black girls are the same, certainly.
For the same reason I won’t date anyone who claims to like Indian chicks. I’ve got depth and personality, and moreover, the primary thing Indian about me happens to be my skin tone - otherwise I am as american as anyone.
Might make more sense to just message the ones you find attractive and respond to messages from people you like. If they happen to be black, that’s fine, but I wouldn’t make a statement to that fact. That’s how it works face to face, right? You don’t go around telling your friends to only set you up with black girls but you’re more likely to hit on or flirt with black girls.
Couldn’t you say the same about being more attracted to men than women, or vice versa?
Why should someone have a preference for someone based on their gender, something the person has no choice over? Not all women are the same, certainly.
Would it be strange and off-putting if he were black and preferred black girls?
How about if he were white and preferred athletic girls?
I don’t agree that it’s off-putting. If you’re attracted to certain physical features and aspects, then you are. Yes, the meeting of the souls is a wonderful thing, but I don’t believe it’s realistic to discount physical chemistry.
Anaamika, what is your position on photos on dating sites? After all, a photo doesn’t reveal whether a girl is funny, or intelligent, or likes superhero movies, true?
I admit I’m not remotely familiar with dating sites, but isn’t the general protocol to say what you’re interested in, in an effort to narrow the field and give prospective partners some sense of whther you fit the general requirements being sought?
Moved to In My Humble Opinion from General Questions.
I’ll never forget seeing an online dating ad that included this requirement: “No darkies, no fatties”.
I’m sure that guy was a real winner.
But really, I don’t see a thing wrong with establishing your preference. It will save everyone time and energy.
You may be right. I wasn’t sure if race/ethnicity was something people listed as preferences. If that is the case, then I don’t think it’s weird. If it’s just listing it in your “About Me” space (or equivalent), then that might be different…
I find it off-putting and I’m a member of a minority…I mean, you guys can say whatever you like, but it’s not the same as being athletic (something you can change, presumably) or being attracted to men (hard-wired). But then I have been hit on by a lot of guys merely because I am Indian. :rolleyes:
I would not say it, and if someone said it, I would totally cross them off my list. However, I suppose there is a way to say it:
“I prefer Indian girls”. Not good, and I would not even consider it.
“I prefer Indian girls because I love brown skin and large dark eyes and am passionately in love with the culture.” Better, but that again leaves the problem of - do I really even fit that category? You don’t know that, just by knowing I am Indian. But this is probably the correct way to say it.
“I prefer Indian girls because I am Indian and would prefer to date within my race.” Not a problem at all (though sadly limiting)!
What is my position on photos on dating sites?! I think they should be required, how’s that! Then the OP would have a much easier time and wouldn’t have to state that he doesn’t care about a girl except for the color of her skin…or was there something else that comes inherently with being black ?
Do you think he has a choice about what he’s attracted to?
And do funny girls and intelligent girls choose to be funny or intelligent?
“I prefer black girls because I want to tap that badonkadonk ass”?
I looked on Okcupid and didn’t see any settings for preferred ethnicity which tells me it’s considered gauche to be that blase about skin color. (I would be put off by it, if someone expressed interest in me and their profile stated something like that.) Not to mention, dating sites use your rating of people to determine who to match you up with later so someone who only ever replied to black women, or clicked on their profiles or put them in their favorites list or whatever would quickly see their suggested matches reflecting this predilection.
If the OP’s attraction is part of some level of comfort he feels with black culture or attitudes or the way black girls tend to communicate in a relationship, I could see that as relatively nonoffensive. But making it sound like it’s all about physical features or (worse) some imagined attributes, maybe not so cool. Also, trying to relive the relationship you had with an ex-girlfriend who happened to be black, definitely not cool.
Did I say he should not look for black girls? Only not to state it so obviously because it would be off-putting.
And of course funny and intelligent people work (Choose is the wrong word) on some level to be so. Social skills don’t just magically appear in our reportoire, no matter what people say.
To describe men as shallow is IMHO accurate. I believe were are wired to respond to physical beauty. - The adage, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” rings true here. I see the physical form of black ladies is universally beautiful. I also like white / asian / arab / latino women but I fundamentally respond to black women in another way.
I can’t really justify it. I have traveled the world and I am deeply befriended with many people of all races - yet I have this proclivity…
I don’t think anyone called you shallow. Did they? I might have missed it.
Let me reiterate. It is perfectly OK for you to be attracted only to black chicks. But your question was, is it off-putting to say so. And I answered, yes, to me it would be.
That anyone would have an issue with someone being more attracted to members of a certain race is mind-boggling to me.
In general I find white girls more attractive, but it’s not out of any conscious desire to “date within my race” (and in fact, half the girls I’ve dated haven’t been white - they tend to be native or Hispanic). Anyone who doesn’t like it can go fuck themselves. It isn’t different than a girl who prefers to date guys taller than she is or whatever.
@Anaamika - It is totally reversed for me. If a black woman declared that she preferred white males I would think, “gee, that’s kinda shallow but I AM a white male so it looks like we’ve got a winner.” - I would see it as shallow but it would not be off-putting.
OK. So what?