I don’t see it as a problem to have a preference for a certain type of physical appearance - most people have that. It’s not really different than saying you prefer to date people who are tall or have red hair.
Assuming, of course, that it’s just a physical appearance issue. If you’re looking for black women because you think they have traits that are different from white women, then it’s a racial stereotype.
Heh, too funny. Well, we are all different. And as I said, it’s all good in what you are attracted to.
I’m all for up-frontedness. Let’s say I were perusing your profile and came across that “black/Caribbean chicks only”. No problem with that. I would double-check to insure that, indeed, I am still white, and therefore, probably not a contender for you. Fine by me.
Now, back in the day when I had a dating site profile (for a minute), I specifically put on there, in huge bold letters: NO RELIGIOUS GUYS! I will not date a devout (or even a fence-sitting) Christian. Will not do it, SamIam. I do not like Christians nor green eggs and ham. I was astounded by the number of guys who seemed so terribly reading-comprehension impaired who would try to contact me anyway. I’d skim their profile and find something like “I love our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!” and wonder: did you not see the huge flaming neon “ATHIEST - NO CHRISTIANS PLEASE” sign on my profile? Why would you disrespect me so much when you are trying to meet up/get to know me? Do you actually think that disrespecting someone’s preferences is a great way to get a date? Sheesh.
Finally, I just deleted my account because I live in the Bible Belt and 95% of my responders claimed some religious faith. It was pointless to continue trying to sift through all those non-reading idiots just to see if there was one guy who actually noticed and paid attention to details.
I’m asking if it is weird to clearly state it in a personal profile lie:
I like apple pie
I like fishing
I like dark skin and features
I like red wine
I am a vegetarian by choice…
I like this! It’s better than saying “I like black chicks” IMO. It says why you like them.
Depends on who you’re concered about putting off.
Women who are not black will find your stated preference off-putting for obvious reasons. You’re basically telling them that they need not apply. Since you’re not attracting them though, no biggie.
Black women might react to this in a variety of ways. Some might be more inclined to pay attention to you, because your preference explictly includes them (unless you have another preference that disqualifies them). But then some might be leery of you because they perceive that you might have a fetish. So some black women might find your profile off-putting.
I guess I wonder what there is to gain by announcing your preference. If you’re planning on doing most of the persuing, stating your preference upfront isn’t going to make a black woman more receptive than she would have been otherwise. The fact that you’re responding to her demonstrates that you find her attractive. If you’re not planning on doing most of the pursuing, then I guess I could see why making your preference know would help, because women will be tailoring their searches for men that find their demographic group attractive. So what is your plan of attack?
Are black chicks associated with apple pie and vegetarianism or something?
I am wondering if you’ll get the same disrespect for preferences that I did. Do you get many hits like “Hey, I’d like to bring over a cherry pie and some white wine to go with a perfect porterhouse steak that I’ll grill for you. I’m blonde and have blue eyes…”
IOW, do women completely ignore your profile preferences, or is that just a guy thing (Because strange men will obviously know better what I prefer than I do :rolleyes: )?
Umm… none of that is mutually exclusive. If he’s attracted to particular physical features, why does the “minority/racial” aspect come into it at all?
So long as he keeps an open mind (in such that I prefer brunettes over blondes, but it’s never a deal-breaker), what’s the big whoop?
Does no one read my follow up posts?
Skin color is strongly associated with political/economic/cultural factors. I might be coming across as somehow addressing that spectrum in my preference - which I am not.
I guess I would throw a wider net if I was not up front with my preference. I wonder though if a smaller yet more specific net would catch better fish?
Bolding mine. Awesome personal ad typo right there!
I think saying that one “prefers” dark skin is not accurate. Personally, I am very attracted to brown/coffee/olive skinned women, but to say I prefer them would be a gross overstatement.
I would say “While my personal preferences tend to lean towards black and Carribean women, not being either of these is definitely not a deal-breaker for me”
That way you state your preference, yet you have still left your options open.
As a fat white girl I’d appreciate knowing if you weren’t into white girls or fat girls so I don’t waste 15 minutes of my time writing you a message (then wondering why you didn’t write back). But I’m not a minority so I can’t speak to whether it might be perceived as offensive or not. I prefer people who are direct, though.
“My family is white, but I am open to dating women of all races.” That just says, “hey, I’m not limited” without getting too specific. If someone queries, you can respond; if someone answers who is white / Indian / otherwise not a preference, well, go out once and see if she’s an exception, or else just wait until you get a response from a black woman.
There’s nothing wrong with having racial preferences, it’s not really any different than prefering a hair or eye color, or a body type, or breast size or whatever. We all have physical preferences and things we find physically attractive, and though so many people would like to say they’re not superficial and can look past those things, physical chemistry is an important part of a romantic relationship. It’s one thing if physical characteristics are all you’re interested in or if you turn down a potentially great match for a few relatively minor physical imperfections, but it’s something else to force yourself into meeting someone you straight up know you won’t have chemistry with. That all said, I’m not really sure that stating certain things like race up front come off as anything but marginally racist.
I also think it’s generally a poor idea to limit too much in one of those areas without a really good reason. For instance, a lot of guys prefer petite women, but a guy who is particularly short may have a bit more reason. Or, maybe with race, many guys find certain races more exotic or generally having features that he likes, but if your family is particularly racist it may create more issues. However, if it’s just a preference, then why limit yourself? I’ve dated women of races that I generally am less attracted to, but I was attracted to them each as an individual. Similarly, I’ve dated women who fit most or all of my preferences and even looked great in their pictures and met them and there was just zero chemistry.
So, my advice, if you have some sort of hidden matching criteria or whatever, by all means toy around with them, otherwise leave your options open and message the ones you like and respond to the ones you like.
I think racial preferences are only a problem if a person’s race is more important than their appearance. If, for example, you were scrolling through a site and found a picture of a woman that you thought was hot, and reading her profile got more and more excited about what a great match she would be, only to lose all interest when you read something that revealed she was actually a dark-skinned Latina, I’d consider that problematic.