Preferences are just that- what you prefer; not necessarily limiting factors.
As stated previously, we all have certain physical attributes and preferences which do it for us, and this is no different. It also doesn’t make you shallow, by itself, but can be viewed as such depending on the rest of the attitude.
To add, if the original post is any indication, the following was stated: “I have been using dating sites to meet like-minded women”.
Like most people, he likely has interests beyond the persons skin color/background, but there isn’t anything at all wrong with being attracted to a given race/ethnicity, primarily, then getting to know the person from there.
Is it strange/off-putting? It all depends on the person, but I say no, depending on some other factors. I know plenty of people who think nothing of it, including those of mixed background, while I’ve also met/known people who choose to make it an issue or read into it.
Everyone is different, but it shouldn’t stop you from pursuing happiness.
I’d leave it out and reconsider only if you are being deluged by uninteresting white women. It’s fine to like what you like, but the moment you advertise it, you are stepping perilously close to the creepy category. I’ll openly admit that it isn’t fair, but that is the world we live in.
It is very possible that you would find a woman who doesn’t care that you put a race preference on your profile. It is also very possible that a god match for you might look at your profile and decide that she doesn’t want her race to be objectified. Even if that totally isn’t the case with you, someone might jump to that conclusion anyway.
OkCupid did an interesting study of their membership messaging habits by race and found that black women were by far the least messaged and least likely to receive replies to their own messages of all possible races.
They also found that black women reply by far the most to initial messages, for whatever reason.
So I would say that regardless of whether you’re ‘bad’ or seem off putting, from a purely tactical point of view you might be better not saying anything, thus avoiding the risk, and taking the initiative and messaging black and caribbean women actively. The study shows you’re likely to be significantly more successful than if you targeted all women and they happen to be the type of women you like the most. Win win!
Yeah, it comes off as weird to put something like that in a dating profile. And it’s pointless anyway; as a normal man on any dating site, you will have relatively few women approaching you. Mostly, you will be messaging women and they will get back to you if they feel like it. Just contact the women you are attracted to, and respond to any approaches you may get from other (white) women with a polite message letting them know you are not interested.
I’m mostly attracted to men with darker coloring, and most white guys (unless they are dark-haired, olive-skinned, and otherwise good-looking to me) do nothing for me; there’s nothing remarkable about it. I’ve certainly told people that this is the case before, IRL and on the internet. However if I was on a dating site, I’d never make a disclaimer like “Don’t message me if you’re blond” or “I’m usually attracted to non-white dudes!” It’s just unnecessary. And could even scare off the very women you’d most like to attract.
I also think it’s totally different than, say, mentioning to a woman you’re seeing that you’re usually attracted to and date black women. It’s not weird to mention it because there’s anything wrong with it… oh I don’t know.
I don’t have a problem with someone being up-front with their preferences, even if the preferences are superficial. We all (or most?) have turn-ons and turn-offs that we have no control over, and that we did nothing to acquire. I, for one, am attracted to very thin men; most guys are too muscular or too fat for my taste. Yet I have no idea where this preference came from; it seems to have existed from an extremely early age (my first fantasy, at the age of five, concerned a skinny kid on our street). So I’d see nothing wrong with listing this idiosyncrasy in an online profile.
The problem, though, is that, at least in my case, there are exceptions. I have known skinny guys who do nothing for me, and I occasionally meet a guy who I find attractive, in spite of the fact that he’s definitely not skinny. There are other qualities and characteristics that come into play, and if they’re strong enough, they can trump the weight issue.
But that’s just me. If I were ***only ***attracted to skinny guys, I don’t see any difference with someone who’s ***only ***attracted to black girls.
I did and what you have been saying is entirely reasonable. People love to jump on stuff like that in a knee-jerky way.
Of course it is OK to have that preference. I also think that it would be a little off putting to put that explicitly in your profile. Just politely tell the legions of white and Asian women who write to you that you aren’t interested. Only approach women that you find attractive. What’s the problem?
I’ve always wanted to date a ginger, but I suspect putting that on a dating profile would simply alienate everyone.
Back when I tried dating sites, as a SWM, the most off putting thing was girls with long lists of disqualifying traits. If she does not want specifically what I happen to be, I’d scoff, and click onwards.
Because of course, I would SO fess up to being a lying philandering pig. :rolleyes:
To me this is exactly why stating “I only date black women” is fundamentally different from “I only date women”. I’m not sure I could elaborate as to why, only that someone who picks people because of their looks seems to be fetishizing a particular look.
With regard to the OP’s request, I did read the follow-up posts and yet I still agree that the best way to go about it is to only message women you find attractive, especially because on most dating sites men send a lot of messages and women then pick from the messages they receive, rather than women actively sending messages. In fact if a woman sends you a message you should make sure it’s not a spam account.
EDIT: The above sounds ok but I don’t think it’s necessary to mention race at all.
Ah the old Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, but if they prefer a minority then they are perverts meme. Even in this day and age, having an inter-racial preference is often looked upon as a perversion rather than an attraction.
I never understood why having a fetish is itself an offputting thing. Sure, if you don’t like the object of the fetish, that makes sense. Or if the person with the fetish is being gross or inappropriate with it. But on a dating site, where saying what you like is the entire point?
I have preferred Jamaican ladies for the last 10 years since I met my first Jamaican girl. It’s something about their culture, they way they talk (I love that) and their party nature. I know I’m in danger of stereotyping… But there’s also a difficult to describe thing I like about the contract of black and white together.
I’ve had quite a lot of success on Zoosk and other dating sites, looking for ebony ladies, and there are also a lot of black ladies looking for white men only…
While I don’t think it’s wrong to have a preference… I haven’t shut the door to meeting my perfect match… and she being white (or Chinese or whatever).
If you are white and prefer black girls, that is perfectly okay. More Mexican girls for me. And I thrive off of Mexican girls who like white guys. People like what they like, it’s a little silly to be judgemental about it.
