Two words
Michael Jackson
I don’t understand what you don’t understand. Most women don’t want to be a magnet for men with fetishes, because this fixation makes them feel objectified.
So, can you explain why it’s okay to be attracted to Blondes or redheads or to women with long hair or naturally curly hair or a type of laugh? Yet, it is not okay to be attracted to a women of another race?
Not being snarky, I’m failing to see the difference. (And my question is completely different from someone who is for example attracted to an Asian woman because they think the Asian would be meek, quiet, subservient or known for being wild in bed. This case would be objectifying someone as opposed to being attracted to an obvious physical characteristic.)
Who said that?
There is a difference between a fetish and a simply finding a trait attractive. With interracial dating, I think fetishism is sometimes a concern because of the idea that some people are not so much attracted to an individual but rather excited by the experience of being with an exotic person/breaking a taboo/living out a fantasy based on stereotypes.
Can I emphasize, though, that I never said that having a preference toward black women automatically constitutes a fetish? I only said that some women might perceive that due to whatever reasons they have. Since I’m not one of them, I’m not qualified to be the spokesperson on this topic.
Then again he might just be on Ashley Madison…
We are in an “open marriage” but that most certainly would have pulled this thread off topic.
Right. But in my experience, an awful lot of people equate finding some physical characteristics attractive with fetishness, especially when it is inter-racial.
Because it is well known that it can be. Most of the people I’ve talked to in length who only date certain types of women (I’ve only talked to straight men) end up fetishizing that type of women.
michaelkingdom, don’t list preferences in your profile. If you state that you are especially interested in black girls, some will wonder if you are looking for a ‘jungle momma’.
I’m not sure how open your marriage is, but if you are looking for long term loves, keep an open mind. I have a natural preference towards Asian men, but I ended up marrying a white boy.
Apologies, Anaamika, I’ll admit I had to skim most of this thread… I did read most of the comments, but when I’m short on time, I tend to miss or gloss over some clarifications.
Anyway, I guess I figure that any “physical” preference or attraction, is almost entirely rooted in sexuality. I find it funny that some people think physical attraction isn’t important step in finding a mate. While certainly possible to enter a life-long, loving relationship with someone you’re not exactly attracted to physically, it’s all too common to start from the “top-down”, so to speak, and angle for those you find physically attractive… then start calling and dating to see if you’re emotional and intellectually compatible.
In other words, I’d say it’s not about putting physical traits first, because you’re shallow (unless you really are), but given the benefit of the doubt, people do this because it’s a natural progression in finding mates when “cold-searching.”
Especially on a dating site.
I can understand why some people would find it off-putting, but I see internet dating as a place where it is expected that people state their preferences pretty openly. I did not mind your list that included “dark skin and features.” And of course you cannot help who you are attracted to. I pretty much know one of the reasons why I am most attracted to black men - I have the kind of body that black men generally appreciate and white men have only started to appreciate since it became cool. I called myself an “equal-opportunity dater” and I have dated all types of men. However, in my heart of hearts I knew I would end up with a black man and I did. Since black women deal with a whole lotta crap in our society, and are apparently statistically not the stereotypically mainstream “desired” phenotype or whatever, I personally like your weakness. Whatever that means.
I know this is off topic, but can I beg you to put *that *in your profile? Please don’t mislead these women or get their hopes up for something lasting if you are just a married guy in an “open marriage.” Then again maybe you’re just posting on a site for like-minded open marriage types or poly folks or something? OK carry on.
Of course the other explanation is related to racism.
Does she know that?
There are different ways of being “attracted” to a certain race.
One is physical. I tend to be attracted to skinny guys with dark hair and medium skin. This means I date a lot of Latinos- but it isn’t a race thing. I’m not going to be attracted to a chubby balding guy just because he is Latino. I’m going to be all over hot Indian and half-black dudes. And now and then a hot pastey white guy catches my eye. Hotness comes first, race second. Race happens to serve the hotness, is all.
Then comes the “cultural tourism” level. I have a white friend who likes Indian guys because she likes the idea of living in her own Bollywood movie. She likes the idea of a big Indian wedding- way more fun than a boring white dress. She memorizes filmi songs and joined the school Bhangra team.
This can get iffy. If she dates a guy she met at the Bollywood movie theater because she thought he was neat, more power to her. But if she dates any random Indian who walks by, because he is her ticket into her Indian culture…that is sketchy. Or if she loses interest because he turns out to be a Britain and not super Indian culturally…sketchy.
I’ve been plenty of guy’s “white girlfriend,” and eventually you realizehe is in it for the prestige of dating “a blonde.” It surprises them when I have personality traits of my own, and that I didn’t come off some kind of white girl assembly line.
I think the cultural tourism thing is just on the edge. When it gets uncool is when you want to date an Asian girl because you think she’ll be submissive or a black guy because you think he’ll be a sexual powerhouse.
Anyway, I like how you ended up wording it.
I’m sorry for this hijack in advance, but: Speaking as just one black woman, I think I should inform you that even though black woman aren’t the mainstream “desired” phenotype in this society, that doesn’t mean we are in need of anyone rooting for white men to find us attractive.
Black women get plenty of admiration and desire from black men in our culture. More than we know what to do with. We are worshipped in their songs, dances, music, poetry, art and when they simply see us in the halls. Don’t believe the Hollywood hype that black women are in need of anyone developing a weakness for us.
I hope this doesn’t come off as too shrill. I have just been promising myself to bust the myth of ‘black women aren’t considered attractive’ in all of it’s forms, whenever I stumble across it. We are indeed considered quite attractive in our own culture. I can’t speak for what other cultures actually believe, since a lot of exposure that I get on the topic from other cultures is filtered through tv, movies, magazines and media.
Just as a point of note, a persons reaction to something like this, also speaks to a lot of the ever-present social conditioning which takes place.
You sometimes get the reaction which suggests a fetish is involved, whereas other times, it’s just a draw to a given phenotype, as you’ve stated (and if you ask me, is all it should be).
What’s interesting is when people further link cultural aspects behind specific races/ethnicities, to their preferences, or better yet, why they rule out others.
Did not come across as shrill at all, and it makes me happy and helped me along in my journey. Thank you for the post. Good point - I realize it is so true now that you say it. I hate that/if it sounded condescending, what I said. I love the fact that I can now divorce myself from that particular theme - it’s not just harmful, it’s all bullshit anyway.
Bam! I think this is a huge winner. Putting “I like black ladies” makes you sound like a possibly weird fetish guy. The above, however, is a great way of letting black women know that you ARE interested in them, without being too weird.
Jesus Christ, give me the class to respond this way when someone disagrees with me on something!
I wish my ex would have thought like that but instead I get a negative remark about white girls stealing their(her) black men. That had really hurt as I was her white boyfriend… I never really checked her over it but told her that was a horrible way of thinking. Nowadays she says she doesn’t feel that way and has become more open but whatever…
As for you, I think you are taking it too personally… There is at least one black chick for every white man (forgetting actual numbers), in my opinion at least… The myth you stated about not being attractive, I haven’t heard it or its a pretty old one. Myths I have heard, “black women are the most single women” or “black women push men away unwillingly” or “black women only stick to black men”… The same holds true for any woman and color of skin doesn’t change that. I feel it is a little closed minded to even think about the myth you stated because the myth is absurd(?) and you know it.
The real reason why I replied is because no one said anything about white men feeling sorry for black women that I was aware of, admitting I skimmed through some parts and apologize if I missed something… But, if shrill means defensive, then I would say your post was a little shrill. Little less defense, more offense…
Original post, I’d suggest not stating that in your profile as it is unnecessary information. It says that you are picky(past the norm) and that may attract some very picky women(outside of looks) if any at all. In other words, most women are not attracted to picky men, men with preferences, yes, but not picky…
Of course it’s none of my business but i’m more interested in hearing why you don’t like white girls or only prefer black girls… It surely couldn’t be skin color because you are white yourself and if you don’t find white women attractive because of that then you shouldn’t find yourself attractive, if it is the body of black women that you find attractive, then you haven’t seen too many white women bodies, go ahead and look at some NSFW pics/videos. Now if it is something mentally about black women, you should talk about it more and you will learn that its false information…
Let us all expand our horizons and watch the world open up before us… Or something or another
(bolding mine)
Hennessy, the idea of black women not being considered attractive was actually in the post that I quoted, which is why I quoted the post…I didn’t introduce that idea into this thread at all. So if you think that I am taking things too personally because I floated out some myth you never heard of, you gotta take into account that I was specifically responding to that exact ‘myth’ in my post. So, there goes that.
As for the rest of your post, I have no idea what you are talking about, so here is a random pic of cute shoesI found on sale.