I hope you choke on a bag of dicks. I FINALLY move into the city and FINALLY get a bike, and just as the world of biking to work and around town opens up to me, you decide that you’d like a nice bike, too, but would rather not pay for one.
FUCK YOU.
Seriously. There are worse things to do, but theft rates right there up at the top of despicable asshole behavior. It’s not even so much about my bike (which I really, really, really want back, BTW), but the fact that someone came up on my porch, saw something they liked, and decided they’d rather they have it than me.
I am 100% against the death penalty, but if I find out who did this … I could be convinced otherwise.
I’m looking on craigslist, sent flyers to our local bike and pawn shops, keeping an eye out in a couple of neighborhoods where friends have found their stolen bikes. But you know what would be helpful in going around town looking for your lost bike? A FUCKING BIKE. I’m going to find it, and then I’m going to ride it over the nutsack of whoever took it.
In the meantime, anyone want to cheer me up by spewing their own invectives, telling me their own stories, or helping me come up with some satisfying bike-enhanced torture methods?
I bought one that got stolen a block from the subway station I rode it to, despite being chained and locked to a STOP sign on the corner of a very busy intersection. This means that someone either lifted the bike over nine feet in the air (and I think the chain was too tight to allow that) OR used a bolt cutter on the chain (which was damned thick and heavy). I suspect the latter, which amazes me that someone would have the balls to do that on such a busy intersection.
The thing that pisses me off most is that about 30 feet off that intersection, there’s a perpetual “garage sale” mostly selling bikes, about 20 or 30 of them–like a private owner would actually have 20 or 30 spare bikes to sell. I’m pissed that the police don’t ask them where they get their bikes from–I suspect that I know.
Was it an expensive bike? Was it locked? Or did you think it would just be safe on the porch because it was so close to the house?
I made that mistake and had a bike stolen. And not even a nice expensive one. It was a $150 coaster bike (no hand brakes, no gears, like you learned on), not even an adult bike.
Thing is it only takes a second to steal an unlocked bicycle, even the get away is silent!
Sorry for your loss, I know how much it burns. I don’t drive it was my only transport, at the time! I’ve finally stopped watching for it, like 6 yrs later or more!
I hope there is a special circle of hell for bicycle thieves too!
You left your bike unlocked on your front porch? Not to be too victim-blamey, but I would expect my stuff to get stolen if I did that. I hate stealing, and I hate having to lock everything up, but that’s the world we live in.
And Cat, it was locked, just not very securely. We have columns on our front porch, and have one of those cable locks around the column. I have a nice fancy lock, but in the absence of anything else to hook it to, just locked it to the cable lock. It was dumb, I know. I won’t make that mistake again.
It cost me $350. Cheap compared to some of the stolen bikes I’m seeing around the 'net, but too expensive for me to replace in the next ever.
Bike thieves are scum of the Earth, and I hope their balls rot off. I’ve had every bike I’ve ever owned, except my current wheels, stolen by goddamn thieving cunts. The only time I have left my bike unattended without a metal lock (none of that wire silliness), it was because my bike was, oh, in my fucking garage. Some clown broke in and stole it.
The worst was my senior year of college on my way to turn in the last final I would ever have to write in my entirely life, I cannot find my bike. I look around, wonder if maybe I parked it elsewhere, even though I was certain it was attached to this rack, then walked around some more, looked through each bicycle one by one before I realized some dirty son of a whore stole it. Motherfuckers. I ended up running like hell to get my final turned in on time and was thisclose to being late.
Please find the guy who stole your bike. And kill him slowly to death. For me.
Bike thievery really makes bike ownership a trial. The one and only time I owned an adult bike was for a short college commute. I bought one cheap new bike, and a cheap lock, it got stolen. Then I bought a cheaper used 10 speed, a slightly better lock, and the fucker stole one of my wheels. You have to lock the damn things up like you’re living in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.
Has anyone in the cycling community ever started a ‘Don’t buy a used bike’ movement?
Or even an ‘Only buy a certified used bike’ program?
It would seem that the odds of a bike being stolen if you’re buying it used are rather high. The community could take care of itself with a little bit of organization and social enforcement.
ARGH! This isn’t making me feel any better! Now I’m pissed for all of you, too! If I ever scrape up the cash to replace it, I’m going to sleep with the chain wrapped around my waist.
MeanOldLady, I don’t know where you are, but if I find it, maybe I can fly you out here to exact some MeanOldVengeance?
That sucks. I hate bike thieves and I always make sure I can store my bike indoors. I refuse to let it be where the public can even see it if possible.
If I know I am going someplace that has open air bike racks I use a chain and a U-Lock. heavy, but worth the security. I also stuck business cards into every tube I could get access to. having clipless makes it slightly less attractive to thieves who don’t have a pickup to toss it into.
But yeah, you end up wishing there was a remote device that would drive a spike up through the seat.
Very frustrating. Especially to know that the police won’t do anything, even if they could. I’d like a better bike than my current old clunker, but I’m reluctant to upgrade for precisely this reason.
There’s lots of good “to catch a bike thief” videos on You Tube. Here’s one.
I also like the ones where they have a bait car that the thieves steal, then the team disables the car and locks the thieves in. They squirm like rats in a trap. “I didn’t do nothin’!”
Sorry about your bike, I hate bike thieves, too. I wonder if it’d be possible to put quick releases on the handlebars and cables, so one could take the bars with them.
You don’t need to be in a city. It happens in rural areas, too, such that my modestly sized town’s police impound yard has hundreds of bikes in it, simply rotting away due to exposure.