Astronauts vs Cavemen?

So, I’ve been watching the final season of Angel lately with a friend and this important question came up:

Who wins in a fight, astronauts or cavemen?

Personally, I say astronauts.

Under what conditions? Astronauts win if they have they 1920s style death rays. Cavemen win if the astronauts are fully suited up, but unarmed

I think Bob could take Prometheus with one hand behind his back.
And Joe E. Ross and company could easily take out Mack and Hec, even if they were from The Other Side of the Hill.

(Bonus points to whoever gets THAT reference)

I’ll say now what I’d said before. Astronauts win hands down. With or without weapons.

It’s simple, astronauts have the almost unfair advantage of modern nutrition.

Personally, I’d say it’d be all over once the astronauts pulled a Kirk and made a blackpowder gun out of any materials lying around in the open. This probably would only work in the Vasquez Rocks area, though.

It’s About Time. The first thing I thought of when I saw the title of the thread.

It;'s About Time:

Prometheus and Bob:

http://pandb.org/news.php

That’s not necessarily a huge deal. It means the astronauts on average will be larger, but there’s strong evidence cavemen were tough as nails and strong to boot. While not cavemen, some of the mound building cultures that were present in Virgina/West Virginia have had their mounds excavated, and a notable site near Charleston, West Virginia (the [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criel_Mound]Criel Mound) had a skeleton buried in the central part of the mound which suggested the person was around 7’ in height when alive–around 2,200-2,300 years ago. So not all cavemen would necessarily be small. Although the ones who were large would probably be uncommon, they’d probably be the leadership of the early cavemen (the aforementioned giant found in the Criel Mound was buried in the center of a circle of corpses with adornments, suggesting he was an important man to the people who buried him.)

Furthermore just because one is gifted with greater size doesn’t mean you’re necessarily going to be tougher in a fight. I’m a lot bigger than Oscar de la Hoya and Floyd Mayweather but I wouldn’t want to fight either one.

The biggest advantage Astronauts might have is many of them are military-trained and thus marginally trained in modern melee combat techniques. Although I think your average caveman would still be far more experienced at dealing with things in an up-close and personal fight. Going through military training may toughen you up, but it’s not, in my opinion, a substitute for actually being raised in an incredibly harsh manner in which you learn that only the strongest and fastest survive.

But if the astronuats can construct a weapon from whatever is around, perhaps starting with a rudimentary lathe…

Somehow I have the idea that a caveman would fight in a crazed state, like they were loaded on PCP. That unfounded perception is enough to make me say that cavemen would win, hands down.

The only way astronauts could overcome this advantage is by being as crazed as cavemen. If the astronauts were to drive a long distance to the fight while wearing adult diapers, I’d say it would be a coin flip.

Astronauts, unarmed but suited up, on, say, the lunar surface would be tough to beat. Maybe the cavemen wouldn’t blow up like the bad guys in Outland, but it would still get ugly.

Even suited up on earth is impressive-enough to possibly inspire religious worship, like the frickin’ Ewoks genuflecting to a levitating C3PO in The Return of the Jedi.

OTOH, if the cavemen are cannibalistic and starving, they may look upon the astronauts as "man"na from heaven, so to speak.

Wait, this is the Dope. Surely some of us know some astronauts and/or cavemen personally to shed light on this important issue?

I am envisioning this as astronauts landing on primitive Earth where they must (for whatever reasons) remain suited. Let us assume, for the sake of the argument, that the suit doesn’t weight the hundreds of pounds that it does and that the bulk and limited mobility are the only hindrances (other than the fact that you need it to survive).

Let us also assume that the super obvious issue of numbers is not the matter. Cavemen would be coming wave after wave while the astronauts are whatever small number landed and have no replacement for whatever gets killed or damaged.

Let us also assume that neither side has the element of surprise and no absurd length of time in which to prepare. They are both minding their business when they run into each other and decide to kill each other.

So we have a fair fight between equal numbers of cavemen and astronauts each at their normal trim and preparedness (insert Batman joke)

I say cavemen have the advantage of knowing the terrain. Giving them the possibility to withdraw, regroup and ambush in little time.

Astronauts have the advantage of more advanced tactics, but their suits, although they give some protection, will end up being a liability and a weakness. A punctured suit is a dead astronaut. To kill a cavemen, you need a real death blow.

In the end, I will put my money on the cavemen. Knowing the land, better maneuverability and more resistance to damage should win the day. If astronauts have modern weapons, then it goes to them, of course. Unless you give cavemen the advantage of numbers.

Ah, but is getting car insurance so easy an astronaut can do it?

What if it’s both? Would an astronaut caveman have to fight himself? Charley the Australopithecine dreams of the stars too yanno.

This question relies solely on what’s at hand and how the cavemen are armed. Also, we don’t know how cavemen would react to female astronauts. I’d think modern nutrition, hair, skin and dental care would make modern girls look awfully purty in comparison but I’m not sure.

I think the same largely applies to modern men, as well. Modern hygiene; white, straightened teeth; smoothly-shaved, blemish-free skin… who knows what could happen?

modern people will probably look undernourished and unfit for reproduction. They also have all the wrong smells. The “every race wants our women” cliche is funny for B-movies only

The astronauts would nuke the cavemen from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure. Someone had to say it :smiley:
More seriously, what kind of ‘cave men’ ? Neanderthals would be strong enough to rip the astronauts to pieces if they don’t have guns. And even crude spears trump bare ( or gloved ) hands.

Judging from the way conquering armies have behaved historically, ‘they’ do want our women - or anything concave, for that matter. And we are talking about humans, not six foot insects.

fair enough, but exactly what do we mean by cavemen? what species and period?