Ok- I’m going to try to condense this as much as possible. My family needs a babysitter four days a week for 2 1/2 hours. My last babysitter advised me before winter break that she might not be able to return because of her grades being so poor. So I called the high school I went to and got in touch with a counselor who has been a friend of my parents since I was in the 6th grade. I asked him to recommend a reliable student who would be interested in an after school job watching my kids. He had two sisters in mind for me and I got to talk to them on the phone from his office. Prior to them starting, the girls parents asked to meet me so we met the evening before they were to start. The family seemed perfect. Perfect home, well behaved kids, genuinely polite and nice people. A week into this the older sister ( a senior in HS) explained that the people I met are not her birth parents. She was taken away from them. She lives in a different home than the other babysitter sister, whom I just found out tonight lives with their birth father. The oldest one is the third child out of nine to her mom. She seemed really stressed about doing her homework and getting to see her sister (whom she only gets to see 15 minutes a day during a break between lunch and their 4th hour class). Tonight when I asked her if she was ready to go she admitted shyly that she really wasnt ready to go home because she was afraid her foster father was going to throw her out of the house because she got in trouble this weekend. She was watching her little “brother and sister” and she had a guy friend come over so she could fix his hair. Apparently he left before her parents came home from work and the next day her little brother told on her. She expressed genuine remorse at her disobediance and was pretty distraught about losing her home. Anyway all this leads up to her disclosing that legally, the people she is staying with are not her guardians! They live on the same street her bio mom lives on and after years of seeing the police/ambulance at her house and seeing her roam the streets they intervened on her behalf and offered her a place to stay. Her bio mom seems to have a jekyll and hyde persona that gets her in abusive moods. This girl has been constantly kicked out of her house since the fifth grade. Anyway, once she moved out of her moms house, the younger babysitting sister took her place as the punching bag and took to sleeping in her closet to hide from their mother. This is my concern. I know that this girl has had a very troubled adolescence, she is an honor student and very reliable but what happens if I open my home to her? I mean should I? After I dropped her off at her home tonight I told her to try to talk to her dad one more time( he hung up on her earlier when she tried to call him) and ask for a chance to stay until she graduates this spring. I told her to call if it turned out ok. I dont think she was exaggerating her drama, I dont think she would have too much to gain from me if she was telling a whopper. Any advice. straight dopers??
There is protocol to follow in this situation- please contact your local social services department before intervening. You have several options, but if you have a local chapter, CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates) is a great place to start. If you cannot find a local listing, try the teen runaway hotline in your area- anyone who answers the hotline is trained to help you find the resources you will need to help this child.
The legalities involved in becoming a custodial parent of a minor child not related to you are complicated, but becoming a foster parent to an at-risk teen is a most rewarding experience- for you and your family. And I have seen fostering paid forward many times: two of the 9 teens I have housed have already become effective foster parents themselves.
Use the resources available to you- that is what some of your tax dollars are used for. If you need help locating the proper agency, let me know and we can research your options via e-mail.