For those of you on the super-serious “leave home” bandwagon, what do you propose for somebody in my shoes? I’m 23 and returning to school in Boston to finish in the Fall. I’m currently in Orlando living with my parents. I have a good job (for those of you keeping track, it’s not my old sushi job), that can pay rent and food and everything, however I have no way of putting a downpayment on anything. First, last, and security on a room is at least 2000$ in my area. I guess I could move to the boonies, but then I lose my awesome job and a million other niceties of life. Please dont play the “you’re scared” card either. I’ve done some crazily independent things in my day.
I also dont have enough money for my own car. I have no friends willing to help me out with rooming or transportion, or even anyone willing to co-sign on a small loan. What should I do if I want to move out? Give up everything and live in the swamp?
I have no desire to debate the “ethics” of living at home or living independently, but maybe somebody would have advice for a person in my position.
And Lord knows I dont want to be a burden, although that’s certainly not how my family views it.
It seems kind of obvious, but I’d say that if you don’t have money to move out and you don’t have money for a car and you don’t have friends or family who can help you out, you probably should be start saving money to accomplish those things.
There were numerous intervening posts between your totally out of context question and whatever question you were referring to. Let’s not pretend you were remotely clear.
Lemme guess, since I still don’t know what exactly you were talking about and you chose to be snotty rather than clear: Do I need to spend money to live on my own rather than be a 35 year old loser living with my daddy, utterly lacking in self-determination and being totally miserable? Yes. And it’s money incredibly well-spent, considering I own my own home now. But it was money well-spent from the day I moved out… BECAUSE IT MADE ME HAPPIER. If happiness and personal growth are not worth spending money on, I can’t think of anything that is.
Yes…we know you are doing it out of free will. That’s the problem. The idea is not requiring other people to support you.
Autolycus - It’s perfectly ok for a 23 year old to live at home TEMPORARILY. If you’re going to school in the fall, there’s no reason to run out and get an appartment for a few months. It’s even ok to live at home for a year or so out of school to save up some cash (not to buy cars or Playstations though). What you don’t want is to be out of college and in an open-ended lease at your folks house. The general plan should be to finish school, find a job, and then strike out on your own as soon as you can.
And then there are those of us who couldn’t drive even if we wanted to-in my case, even if I HAD a car, I’m not allowed to drive for the next six months-doctor’s orders.
I’m damned lucky I WASN’T driving three weeks ago.
At any rate, taking the bus is a hell of a lot cheaper now, gas being what it is. And driving and parking in Pittsburgh is a nightmare.
I don’t disagree with the above. Same question I asked Jodi. Are you saying that 100% of people who live with their parents are sponges, no exceptions?
I just wanted to add that in your early 20s, some people simply can’t move out of their parents house. Especially if you work in NYC. At 23 or 24, living with your folks is not that big a deal. People at that age are often still in transition. At 33 or 34, it’s a little odd.
You do learn some valuable skills living one your own. For one, it’s really up to you to build a life for yourself. It’s not like college where there are a thousand kids all in the same boat and a bunch of clubs and activities designed to entertain them. People in the real world have their own lives and their own stuff going on and no one’s going to plan your day for you.
What about in this case?
My boyfriend is 24, graduated from an incredible school with a good degree, got a good “real” job, helps financially, physically, “technologically” , All of family lives in very close proximity so very close knit, and parents live in a Big house with plenty of room. By living at home, he has sacrificed some freedoms, self respect I suppose, whatever.
But right now he is traveling around Asia for 2 months on his own dime (work let him take unpaid leave). Is he a spineless leech? I couldnt imagine he’d have such freedom if he were paying the bills on some apartment.
It strikes me as really odd that an immigrant to Canada (from China? I know he said in another thread he had lived in China a good portion of his life) has been told
and
I understand that we Americans often expect a certain amount of assimilation, but I’m not sure that calling someone from an Asian culture that now lives in Canada a looser is fair. I may be wrong- perhaps cultural expectation stemming from Asian ancestry is not part of the reason Throatwarbler Mangrove chooses to live at home. But if it is OK (not really even rising to the level of OK, just not damnable- as being a “loser”) for some based on cultural background (Unless you give up the privilege by becoming an American- or Canadian- resident) then why might others have values outside of the cultural norm that are similar?
In the interest of full disclosure, I lived with my grandmother for many years past high school- I did not go to college. Mental illness (Depression and eventual bi-polar) pretty much branded me a loser (in my own mind at the bare minimum) for a long time, so that wasn’t too much of an issue.
Personally, if I was ever single again, I would want to know why someone was living with his family of origin if we were dating, but it wouldn’t necessarily be a deal breaker. I know someone who lived with his parents until they both died. He made more money than they did, and his living with them enabled them to take vacations and such that they would not have been able to do so alone (the parents generally vacationed without him.) His mother didn’t drive, so his being there was really good for her, but there was nothing that made it essential. Assuming he was gay, which he isn’t I would have not had any issues dating him assuming we were otherwise compatible.
I understand that many people see living one’s parents as a negative, and that it would preclude them dating someone who did. Maybe that’s what people mean when they say “loser”. I can’t imagine any answer to the OP other than “it depends totally on the circumstances.”
I think Anaamika addressed this at some point, I raised it as an example but it wasn’t the crux of my argument, which at this point is apparently lost amongst all the flaming. I suppose you can go back and try to pick it up if you like.
FWIW I feel the same way you do WRT dating.
No one has said this. Are you saying that 100% of people who live with their parents are not sponges, no exceptions? And is there any reason you’re addressing yourself only to the “100%, no exceptions” extreme of the argument?
Spineless? Don’t know. Leech? If he’s traveling around with money he saved by sponging off his parents, the IMO yeah, he’s a bit of a leech. Not to mention your own charactization of him has as having sacrificed freedom and self-respect.
How the hell would I know? How do you jump from “Not every single person who lives at home is a loser” or even “Not every single person who lives at home is NOT a loser” to saying anything about you? Both statements are true, and neither statement says anything about you personally.
And I haven’t called anyone in this thread a loser, and I wouldn’t do so. Because let’s take a look at the available answers:
Posted too soon and the time to edit ran out. Here is the whole post:
How the hell would I know? How do you jump from “Not every single person who lives at home is a loser” or even “Not every single person who lives at home is NOT a loser” to saying anything about you? Both statements are true, and neither statement says anything about you personally.
But let’s take a look at the utility of asking someone else whether you’re a loser. Here are the available answers:
QUESTION: Are you a loser?
POSSIBLE ANSWERS:
I think you’re a loser and I say so. I am honest but unkind. This option is half good, half bad.
I think you’re a loser but I don’t say so. I am dishonest but kind. This is half bad, half good.
I don’t think you’re a loser but I say you are. I am both dishonest and unkind. This is all bad.
I don’t think you’re a loser and I say so. I am both honest and kind. This is all good.
So let’s go ahead and assume the answer is # 4, since that’s the one that’s going to make us both happiest.
You seemed to have missed my questions. I’ll repost them for you:
Are you saying that 100% of people who live with their parents are not sponges, no exceptions? And is there any reason you’re addressing yourself only to the “100%, no exceptions” extreme of the argument?
I would have not had any issues dating him assuming we were otherwise compatible.