Nocturne–not to stir shit up, but if that’s the way things are why in the hell are you still in that house? You’re old enough to get out, and I can’t imagine that living in that situation is in any way comfortable. ?? Have you ever asked them, very calmly at some point when things are peaceful, why they feel like hitting a grown (wo)?man and a nearly grown girl is acceptable? If I’m making too much out of this, my apologies, but your post really, really disturbed me. I’d hate to think of you in that kind of life…
My father spanked me when I was 12 because my step mother lied to get me in trouble. He refused to believe that I was speaking the truth even though I was scrupulously honest. I was honest because my brother routinely lied to get me in trouble. That tactic lost its effectiveness when my parents could no longer remember the last time that they had found me to be less than completely truthful.
I lost respect for my father that day that he spanked me. I began to hate my step mother and nearly stopped loving my father. It was humiliating and showed me more clearly than even being raped in third grade that the world was an unfair and horrible place where their is no place safe to be.
My mum used to spank my sister and me until we were around 10 or 11ish. In the time since then, I think I’ve been slapped across the face maybe once or twice. Mum is built quite heavily, and I’m very slender, so it’s not like she’s terrified of my physical prowess. I remember she always felt extremely guilty afterwards, but at the time, that was no real consolation. I don’t think I’ve made her angry in 3 or 4 years and I can’t really imagine mum slapping me again - especially since my boyfriend is tall, strong and very protective.
In most cases, I’d wager that an adult is more qualified to judge what’s “wrong” than a child. And if we leave objectivity out of it: you’re the child, they’re the adult, and as long as they’re feeding you, putting a roof over your head, and clothes on your back, what they say is wrong is wrong.
I don’t advocate spanking a child or any form of physical punishment (outside of self-defense) beyond the age of 5. Spanking probably begins losing its effectiveness about age 5 or 6. Mental torture or increasingly more violent means are necessary after that age. If you’re into corporal punishment, a spanking has about zero (or negative) effectiveness after age nine. If you want to effectively modify the behavior of a 10 - 18 year old using physical means you’ve got to be willing to break the law in most states. However, when they move out you will learn the true meaning of Newton’s Second Law of Motion (every action has an equal and opposite reaction)
Which is why I don’t advocate physical punishment beyond age 5
I honestly had read the title about 20 times before it dawned on me what the heck the OP was talking about, then I opened it up wondering if people were thinking the same thing as me.
< I prefer to roast my chiles. I like their skins to fall off >
Yup. Well before puberty (allow a few years as margin). Other than that, then stop spanking the kid when he or she stops needing it.
I started at GD thread on spanking awhile back, and received some informed replies (and a couple of off-the-wall ones) from both the for and against camps, but my personal opinion ended up being reinforced by that thread: In spanking a child there is no guarantee that it will not cause psychological harm, but then again, the same applies for non-physical punishments. Punishment of a child by a parent is, by its very nature, an adversarial situation, so there’s no “soft” way of doing it if it is to retain its effectiveness.
My stepson was nearly three when I met him, and totally out of control. I spanked him probably three of four times a week at first, and now that is down to about once every two months or so. I haven’t changed my opinion of spanking, he’s changed his behaviour, and also matured a little more so other punishments are now becoming feasible.
You can’t say to a two year old headed for the power socket with a metal fork, “I say, old chap, that’s a jolly bad show. Do you have any idea of the amperes you’re dealing with here?” Nope, a quick smack on the bum is the only way.
Whatever punishment you decide to use, apply it fairly and consistently, and never hold grudges with a child. Don’t feel guilty about feeling anger towards a child (they can be right little terrors, just make sure that the spanking is done coolly and without anger. For my stepson, a spanking is virtually always ONE smack on the bottom, hard enough to sting a little bit, but with no stronger force than that. I’d never use an implement.
But there’s no freakin’ way on Earth I’d spank a fourteen year-old girl. ick
Spanking (as punishment)–NEVER.
I am surprised at the blithe acceptance of the practice in some of the posts. But, it is becoming increasingly clear to me the longer I am around that my assumption that the human race–everywhere–is emerging from its long benighted condition and related practices was, is, and most likely will remain, mistaken.
Sixty percent of American parents now spank their children and the number is increasing.
I would think that 13 should be the cut off date, though I an a strong advocate of the disciplinary slap when the teen gets too mouthy. Teens will test their parents, but by age 17 or 18, slapping would do no good.
Your philosophy sounds very much like my parents’. They were strict, but they were always fair: you knew exactly where you stood. I don’t have a cite handy–and I’ve got too much work to do right now to go hunt for one–but I think having boundaries is very important for both the child and the parents.
I should add that my parents’ did more “reminding” than spanking. My father had Paul Newman eyes and he’d just look at you and ask, “Do you want the belt?” “No, sir!” “Then stop that.” Worked like a charm.
I wasn’t a rebellious teen, so I don’t have much to offer on that subject.
I remember she always felt extremely guilty afterwards, but at the time, that was no real consolation. I don’t think I’ve made her angry in 3 or 4 years and I can’t really imagine mum slapping me again - especially since my boyfriend is tall, strong and very protective.
Maybe in BDSM circles…