I was a little confused by the poll options-- I assume the gender at the start of the choice means MY gender, right?
Beyond that, I’m confused even further. Like, would I wait a year into a relationship to sleep with someone? No. Would I wait even longer because my partner is celibate? No.
If you’re asking how long it has been since the person last had sex before meeting me. . . I’d say more than a year or two would be a little weird for someone in my age bracket. I’m not going to ask, but if he volunteered the information that it’s been longer than that, I’d be a bit weirded out.
I think the OP and I have different definitions of celibacy. If you mean “doesn’t have hookup sex”, well, doh, then apparently I’m celibate and had never realized it! Heck, by that definition I was celibate even when I was having shared sex regularly… If you mean “doesn’t have hookup sex and hasn’t been in a LTR for quite some time, so hasn’t had sex in quite some time”, I have no problem with that. I do have a problem with the opposite, dudes who think that having sex with other people “doesn’t count” unless it’s more than once in a row.
Someone looking for a relationship that’s expected to include shared sex is not celibate.
Definition of CELIBACY
1: the state of not being married
2 a: abstention from sexual intercourse
b: abstention by vow from marriage
Thing is, using the word “celibacy” implies that one has made a conscious, deliberate decision to abstain. If the OP simply said “I haven’t dated for 16 years, I’ve been busy with other pursuits and just wasn’t actively looking for romance” that’s not awkward at all. That isn’t the same thing as claiming “I’ve been celibate for 16 years” which implies that one is trying to convince others of his/her virtuousness. And we don’t all find abstinence virtuous. Some of us find it disfunctional.
If a potential date felt the need to share the state of his sex life for the previous 16 years, I’d feel a little embarrassed by the unsolicited confession, but since the reasons might pertain to my future, I’d want to know why. Religious conviction? Getting over a bad break-up? Asexual? Couldn’t get laid for trying? Had a series of chaste romantic relationships?
But simply being too busy with other pursuits and content with your own company, that’s not celibate, that’s just “Haven’t had a relationship in many years”. Two different things, IMO. I wouldn’t mention it unless asked, unless your reasons for celibacy are relevant to how you’ll behave in future relationships. I’d want a warning if sex isn’t important to you.
This is still something of a conscious decision to live a non-romantic lifestyle.
It’s rather different than a year or two where a person is dealing with a bad breakup, handling a personal crisis, then spending time to get back into the dating game. 16 years of no sex is either a choice, or astoundingly poor interpersonal skills, or a combination of the two.
It’s hard to answer, for me. There’s a difference between “I don’t have sex except in the context of at least a burgeoning relationship” versus “I don’t have sex until I’ve been with someone for X amount of time” versus “I don’t have sex outside a committed relationship [e.g. at least engaged to be engaged]” versus “I’m not having sex for the foreseeable future.”